Co sleeping- lost my confidence

[KatieLily12]

Hi all

I decided to co sleep from long before our baby was born and have borrowed a baby bay to help keep things safe. A week after the birth however, my daughter started sleeping on my chest at night and has ever since. I don't put the duvet any higher than my hips and use a cellular blanket to cover us (I cuddle her and therefore the blanket is kept away from her face) occasionally I roll her to the crook of my arm but she lies on her side when we do this so I fret about blankets. I read that I shouldn't swaddle if she's in with me as she's effectively a cylinder that will roll about!

She's almost 8 weeks old and we've just started gentle sleep training and my longer term aim was to get her back in the baby bay. Just now I woke with a fright- she'd fallen off my chest and was face down in my arm pit with her body still on my chest. Her wriggling to get out woke me.

I've had a good cry, nursed and she's absolutely fine but I'm totally shaken. I've always moved her automatically and am terrified that I missed her slide. I've now got the swaddler and am going to attempt to put her down in the baby bay but I'm fairly sure she won't sleep as she currently only successfully naps in the sling.

Looking for some fellow co sleepers and reassurance/ safety tips please. I don't need to know why co sleeping is a bad idea, I weighed the pros and cons and did my research. I just gave myself one hell of a fright.

[OPeaches]

I co slept with mine. They slept in my bed (didn't like the baby bay!) beside me rather than on me. Could you try transitioning to that instead? It's a smaller move so she might accept it better. You instinctively never roll on to your baby. Men don't have that instinct though so it's best she's not next to your DP.

[KatieLily12]

Can I ask how you slept? Dud they sleep on their back? Swaddled?

I feel like I need reassuring stories at this point.

Little one just slept for an hour and half in the baby bay. I didn't! Man she was cross when she woke up!

[OPeaches]

I always slept facing the baby, they would be on their backs but turned towards me a bit. I always found I kind of curled myself round them, my arm above their head and my legs curled up if that makes sense.

[OPeaches]

Not swaddled

[StarOfLightMcKings3]

Her wriggling woke you. That's where you get your confidence from. If your baby struggles, you are close and in tune enough to wake.

[SquidgersMummy]

My dd (20 wks) started in attached cot (ikea) now she lies next to me and we have a bed rail (Summer bed rail - £24 fm kiddicare - arrived the next day - fits any bed) - so she lies either on her side facing me or on her back with her head towards me. I curl around her and have never moved. She is in a growbag - I dress her lighter than the growbag says these days as she will snuggle up against me. I check the room thermometer in the night. I either have a sleeping bag (old one - new mummy style ones with hood are a pain) or I have quilt tucked between my thighs and no pillow. We both end up higher than DH who has a pillow so it helps keep the quilt low. I feed her, then we lie face to face, in the night when she wants to feed a get my boob out and go back to sleep on my side with my arm under my head. I tend to sleep lightly so always am listening out for her, but I do feel rested and we both sleep much, much better side by side than when she was in attached cot . She wriggles up if she wants a feed but doesn't have to cry. Hope this helps.

X

[KatieLily12]

Yes we 'spoon' when she's in the crook of my arm but she rolls in to face me and kind of burrows which makes me a little nervous as she in then lying on her side and there's a (small) risk if her suffocating. I sleep super lightly when she's in that position and roll her back put regularly.

I think it just gave me a scare waking to her in distress. StarofLight is right and the point is that I would be there to protect and keep her safe. It was the what ifs that got to me in my ALERT suddenly state. I was looking for some fellow co sleepers to offer some thoughts to get me back on track again.

Thank you x

[KatieLily12]

squidgersmummy that's exactly what I pictured and hoped for. Little bean won't feed when I'm lying down yet and I'm caught in the 'needs a swaddle but not safe when lying next to me' bit.

I think I'll keep going with the baby bay, swaddled and pull her in for comfort and feeding as and when. It'll get easier the bigger she gets.

I like the sleeping bag tip. That's given me food for thought as my partner keeps throwing the duvet around and I spend a lot of time karate chopping it out the way in my sleep. (So I know my mummy radar is working most nights)

[TINKERBELLE33]

Trust your instincts. Both of my DC co-slept and would only sleep on their tummies and I had many tearful nights trying to train DD to sleep on her back. Luckily I had a great HV who unofficially supported co-sleeping and made me recognize that DD was strong enough to let me know when she were uncomfortable or distressed. Co-sleeping is natural and as my HV put it "we are the only species who put our newborn alone into boxes and expect them to be happy about it".

I too had a very scary moment with my 1st DC but this was before I read up on co-sleeping and was just trying to survive. DD would only settle lying on our chests so DH said he would stay up to give me a break. I woke in utter panic knowing something was wrong. Sat up and couldn't see DD, DH asleep. Leant over to find DD slowly slipping head first off the bed having slipped off DHs chest. I just managed to grab her foot before she fell. DD didn't even wake up so had made no noise. I still believe it was my instincts that woke me up.

I also used a side cot and found my DC liked it better as they got older.

[KatieLily12]

Oh my goodness well done!

I've heard so many stories about things falling on cots in other rooms etc that I know there's risks on both sides. My reactions to her stirring or coughing show me I'm keeping alert but last night was a panicked wake up which left me jittery. I still know I feel happiest with her near me for my sake and hers. My partner tries to hug us some nights and laughs that I move his arm away and check she's safe without even stirring.

When I told one HV how we slept she shrugged and said 'well it saves on doing tummy time- she'll be nice and strong in no time' :)

[Mobly]

I co-sleep most of the night but do pop ds in the Moses basket as often as I can be bothered to.

He sleeps in the crook of my arm either on his back or tilted towards me. He's a robust almost 4mth old now so I feel more confident.

When he was tiny I'd often roll up a blanket to wedge between his tummy & me so he couldn't roll into me and suffocate.

Just keep pillows and blankets away from baby's head & dress accordingly.

As far as I'm aware there are no more risks with proper co-sleeping than with putting baby in a cot.