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DD 22mo suddenly refusing to go to bed!

(31 Posts)
cordiality Fri 28-Dec-12 09:21:18

Oh help! DD has been a good sleeper for about a year now, 7.30 to 7.30 with the occasional night time waking or early morning but never anything dramatic. We also now have an 8 week old DS, who she is very fond of and he hasn't really affected her sleep.

So Christmas day she refused to go to sleep, screaming for her daddy in her cot, floods of tears. I think I know when she's 'angry crying' or just whinging, but she was genuinely upset I think. We brought her down (the house was full of people) put it down to the excitement of the day and took her to bed with us when we went. (tried a couple of times to put her to bed in cot but she was having none of it) She eventually fell asleep around midnight.

Boxing day night same thing. We left her to cry, after 15 mins she was hysterical and sounded out of control. I went in to calm her and she couldn't calm down and then she was sick sad

I went and slept in the spare room with DS (really no room for 4 in a bed!). She slept in my bed with DH, happy as a pig in shit,

Last night exactly the same. She's won hasn't she?! I'm no longer in my bed and she is! She's also been VERY clingy with DH since last week, no interest in me really, just wants daddy the whole time.

She usually has a nap of 2 hrs between 12 and 2 but has started freaking out for that as well.

What should I do?! I need a plan! Is this separation anxiety? Just a two year old playing up? Is it because I'm with the baby the whole time?

Sorry this is so long. Any wise words much appreciated, my brain is frazzled...

nextphase Fri 28-Dec-12 18:59:36

Not really much advice, but DS1, aged 2.1 dropped all naps 3 weeks after DS2 arrived. Would she manage without a nap some days?

ledkr Fri 28-Dec-12 20:56:35

cordiality may I share your thread? My dd us 23 months and started exactly the same behaviour just before Xmas. We have just had two hours of trying to get her to sleep in he cot and she's had no nap at all today. She even chucks herself out if her cot if we try to leave.
Really stuck with this one.

ledkr Fri 28-Dec-12 20:58:08

I wondered about a move to a bed and a complete change to bedtime routine?

beatofthedrum Fri 28-Dec-12 21:08:08

Snap, both of you! What is going on? Ds, 23 months, started this a few nights ago, will not go in cot without screeching house down despite always being so good at going to bed. Still up here! With pink fizz waiting downstairs! And no-one but mummeeeeeee will do!! Naptime always been so easy, been a screamathon last couple of days :-(

beatofthedrum Fri 28-Dec-12 21:09:26

Ledkr, I also wondered about a change to a bed! (I met you on another thread I remember, saying snap about something else btw!)

ILovePonyo Fri 28-Dec-12 21:17:13

Hello All (ledkr wink) I don't have advice but wanted to say the same thing happened to us. About a month ago dd (now 22 months) did the same, screaming at bed time, up at ridiculous hours in the night, then up for the day at 5am confused
Suddenly over Xmas she's gone to bed no problems, it's like a switch has been flipped and suddenly she's back to her old self. Also, she's slept later! 7/8am, bloody amazing shock
All I could put it down to was teething and being snotty and full of cold, she had become happier too so I'm just thinking she must be feeling better in herself too.
Hope you don't think I'm bragging, just wanted to say it will get better and then worse again wink hope things improve soon for everyone. With my dd it was pretty much overnight, here's hoping.

TempusFuckit Fri 28-Dec-12 21:24:02

Watching with interest as DS is 22 months and my DH is still upstairs with him. His started the day his now 4-week-old DSis arrived though ... But hoping any solutions may help him too, not least as I have to start doing bedtimes on my own next week and really don't fancy spending two hours sitting in his room waiting for him to go to sleep every night!

EmmaG1986 Fri 28-Dec-12 22:48:20

The only thing I can suggest is when you go in to lie your daughter back down don't say anything and don't prolong it for too long, simple pick up lie back down and walk out, then increase the time you go back in eg 5,10 mins or whatever you feel comfortable with. The same happened to DS when he was about the same age and I tried this and it worked. One thing I would say though is don't give in and put her into your bed too often as she will assume screaming/crying means sleeping in the parents bed. This is all from ersonal experience by the way :-)


EmmaG1986 Fri 28-Dec-12 22:49:58

The above post is assuming your daughter is not poorly.

omama Fri 28-Dec-12 23:09:57

We had a sleep blip around this age with ds, looking back i think it was mainly a developmental thing ie realising they can assert themselves & & make choices ie "i not want to go to sleep" (even though we know they need it!). One thing we did find we had to do though was push ds naptime & bedtime slightly later. He went from doing up 7am nap 12.30-2.30 bed 7.30 to nap at 1-3/3.30 & bed at 8pm. We found that giving him a longer morning means he is more tired at bedtime.

Your dd's naptime is actually pretty early starting at 12, i do wonder if the playing up at nap & bedtimes may just be that she's not tired enough anymore. Iiwy id wait it out a couple more weeks incase it is just developmental, if its still happening i would try nap at 12.30 & see if she will go down any easier atnap/night. You might need to push nap to 1pm & possibly even extend bedtime to 8pm. Losing evening time isnt something many folks like to do but ime its better than cutting back your lo's nap to force an earlier bedtime, when she still really needs a daytime sleep. Hth.x

omama Fri 28-Dec-12 23:15:30

Oh & i second advice about keeping her in her cot so she doesnt get in the habit of going in your bed. I do think tho, routine could def be at play here, and if you dont change that no amount of layibg her back down will make her fall asleep quicker if she's not tired enough to do so. & finally this may also be in part related to new baby, so giving it a couple of weeks first, & giving her some much needed one to one time in the day may help too.x

BigGums Fri 28-Dec-12 23:19:10

This has just happened with my Ds!! Probably about a week ago. He has been an amazing sleeper. Always willing to go to bed. Naptimes are worst so today he didn't have one because i couldn't deal with the screaming.

He has just turned 2.

I hope someone comes along with a miracle cure or that it is in fact a phase.

ledkr Fri 28-Dec-12 23:22:05

My dd often doesn't have a sleep though and even after a busy day swimming and a long walk she still refuses to sleep.
I must admit when she wakes at dawn I put her in with us do she goes back off is this wrong?

cordiality Fri 28-Dec-12 23:47:11

Wow, thanks for the replies. It is very reassuring that it seems that this is something that nearly 2 year olds do! Ledkr I remember you on the due feb 11 threads (I used to lurk a LOT)

I think that routine and nap times def have something to do with it. She's been falling asleep so late that she sleeps in til 9, and lovely though that is, I think it's ruining naps and therefore bedtime.

Anyway, tonight I got tough. Made her say goodnight to daddy downstairs (he usually does bedtime) and took her up for bath and bed myself. She was furious but I just pushed on though, eventually got her into bed, went in every couple of minutes to calm her down, she really was beside herself but I refused to take her out of her cot. She fell asleep after about 20 mins. Woke up half an hour later, we did the same thing, she's been asleep since 9pm. I am an emotional wreck. I'm sure she is too.

I totally agree with EmmaG and Omama, I cannot give up and let her come into our bed, she needs boundaries and to know that no is no, we're the adults here!

I'll going to take all this advice on board, esp about shortening the nap/pushing it later/dropping it, much as it pains me to do so!

Also yes, more one on one time is a really good idea. DS is surgically attached to my boob at the moment, no wonder she's so clingy to daddy!

Ok, let's support each other through the newly identified 23 month sleep regression! Grit your teeth ladies!!!

ledkr Sat 29-Dec-12 13:29:38

Well dh decided to do cc last night which was lovely for me to listen to in my bath.
She was so upset I went to sit with her but she didn't calm and chucked herself over the edge of the cot shock
Dd eventually got her off but it took ages then she woke ten mins later hysterical so I picked her up and she fell straight to sleep on me went back on her cot and slept untill 9am.
I'm ill today so could do with her napping but so far no chance

nextphase Sat 29-Dec-12 14:28:43

Ledkr - does your DD actually get out of the cot? In which case, I'm afraid its time for a bed. If they get it wrong, falling from the top of the bars, on to their head can cause damage. My 19 month old escaped 2 nights ago. We took the side bars off that night before he went back in, and converted to a bed the next morinign (cot beds here).

Sorry, another thing to add to the mix.

ledkr Sat 29-Dec-12 15:24:47

Yes you are right we have a bed but we have all been ill (me today)so we have put a mattress by the cot until dh can get bed from attic tonight.
I did think it might be easier to sit with her to settle her at night.

beatofthedrum Sat 29-Dec-12 20:10:45

Yep, I'm here, sitting and settling. Or to be more precise, stretched out beside cot mumsnetting under his bed!!

ledkr Sat 29-Dec-12 21:36:51

Hi beat I'm ill in bed so dh is trying but the late nap means not happening and now she's just been sick.

nextphase Sat 29-Dec-12 21:43:16

Yep, I do the sitting and working on the laptop mumsnetting (lets be honest here). DH sits there. DH gets the job done quicker....

Ledkr - sorry to hear about the sick. Illness, or unhappiness? Hope she's asleep soon. Bedtime here for me. Sorry.

beatofthedrum Sat 29-Dec-12 23:49:51


beatofthedrum Sat 29-Dec-12 23:55:42

Oh no, sick from crying?? That is the ultimate low. My bad-sleeper-before-this-one (this one's meant to be my GOOD one!) was sick from crying at bedtime on occasion and it is just so upsetting. Takes your choices away as what can you do but prevent it happening again sad. Hope you're feeling better ledkr, bad enough to cope with when you're well.
Nextphase, I think the light from my phone keeps him awake longer but it makes the process far easier to take!!

nextphase Sun 30-Dec-12 19:29:09

The light has a small effect, but DH can get him to sleep in about 10 mins, it takes me more like 30 without laptop, and 35 with.... DH works away a lot, so often can't do bed time ;(
At least he hasn't worked out how to open doors yet.
How is everyone else doing?

ledkr Sun 30-Dec-12 19:56:28

Funny old day here. Dd stil not right won't eat and very whiney. She fell asleep for about 5 mins in the car earlier. So was so tired by 5 she had a long bath then fell asleep on me at 6 so I put her down. God only knows what tonight will hold. We are off to pil wed so anything we do before then is futile

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