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Is it wrong to have dd in my room?

(23 Posts)
piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:03:45

Dd (2.3) is on a ventilator when asleep. Last night she wasn't well so had her in travel cot in my room as expected to have the worst nights sleep ever when actually I slept amazing!! I normally struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep! I wake up constantly as does dd due to her condition but I normally am always snapping at her (regrettably) because I am soo tired. Last night I still had to get up with her many times but I fell asleep quickly and slept well in between waking up! My mum sausage cannot stay in my room and will need to go back into her own room tomorro night. And I'm dreading it. For now id much rather keep her with me! I feel more happy with her in my room. Am I bein selfish to have her in my room at night??

piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:04:40

Says she...... Not sausage!! blush

MyLastDuchess Sun 09-Dec-12 19:07:38

Does your mother live with you? If not, it's none of her business!

I know people who have co-slept until much older than 2; it's quite normal in many parts of the world. I see nothing wrong with sharing a room. Why is your mother against it?

PotteringAlong Sun 09-Dec-12 19:08:55

You fo whatever gets you the most sleep in this house! Keep her with you I say.

NatashaBee Sun 09-Dec-12 19:10:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:11:54

Why cannot she not be in with you?
Is your mum thinking old fashioned thoughts about "spoiling" her and "making a rod for your own back and all that nonsense?

Do what YOU think is right for you and your DD.

PavlovtheCat Sun 09-Dec-12 19:16:21

If you are sleeping better it's a no brainer. Do what you are happiest with, for the goo of you and dd,not to please others. There is no reason why dd needs to be in her own room other than its the 'norm', that does not make it right.

You are so no being selfish, it is not wrong on any level.

piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:18:39

Thanks for the replies. I do live with my mum ad we all have separate rooms. I am the one who gets up with dd in the night. I have recently been struggling so much with sleep deprivation that mum has been taking her downstairs when she wakes in he morning and leaving me in but I didn't need a lie in this morning because I slept so well and even dd slept longer ! I'm not sure why I havent asked her she's been a bit 'on edge' and frumpy recently so don't wana say anything x

zookeeper Sun 09-Dec-12 19:22:41

My 7 year old dd sleeps with me most nights (I'm a lp) . We both love it and she's happy and well adjusted. A couple of nights a week I feel like sleeping alone and she trots off to her own bed happily.

Go with what gives you most sleep.

piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:35:33

Thanks probably a few nights I woul prefer to sleep alone. I'm a Lp too. It's not like im getting her used I sleeping with me as she's across the room in a travel cot smilex

nextphase Sun 09-Dec-12 19:35:57

Maximise your sleep!
So whatever works for you. If your DD is on a ventilator, presumably she is in her own bed/cot anyway, so what difference does it make if the bed is in your room or a different room?

I actually quite like it when DH is away, and DS1 asked to sleep in my bed. There is something very reassuring about little feet tucked into your armpit (don't ask!)

nextphase Sun 09-Dec-12 19:36:20

X post. Sorry.

helebear Sun 09-Dec-12 19:37:42

When my dd is poorly she usually sleeps in bed with me & dp sleeps on the sofa. I get a better night sleep as I can monitor her & comfort her easily & she's happier if she's feeling rotten to be close so I think it's a win win situation. If you're totally shattered I think it's a no brainer!

HappyAsASandboy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:43:47

Do whatever feels right for you and let your mother deal with her own thoughts.

I cosleep with my just over 2 year old twins. It is lovely and cuddly and we gimet the most sleep that way I think, I haven't tried anything else!

I find it much easier to live with the mistakes I make on my own than live with mistakes I've only made because I followed someone else's advice. So my advice (!) is to do whatever you think is right smile

zookeeper Sun 09-Dec-12 19:49:03

Whe you're a lp it's hard not to doubt yourself and feel guilty about things that if you had a dp to discuss them with you wouldn't think twice about. Trust your instincts. It's not selfish to do what's right for you to as you have to be strong for her.

Good luck;hopefully you'll feel much better soon. Tiredness is definitely the enemy!

Bunbaker Sun 09-Dec-12 19:57:53

DD had a tracheostomy until she was three and a half. She slept in our room until she was three because the nearest bedroom was down the corridor and if she needed attention I needed to be there very quickly. I think I wouldn't have slept so well if she hadn't been in our room. I don't see why your mum thinks she knows better.

I hope your DD gets off the ventilater soon.

piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:59:36

Thankyou it just feels so right ATM docs used to prefer her to Be in with me anyway! I have a good routine too! Put her in her cot blanket over her (she has it over her head son lamp doesn't bother her) and I stay on my bed because where she is she can reach some wires so I wait til she's asleep then have a nice relaxing bath then laptop and MN in bed! Only done it last night and again tonight but it feels so relaxing and happy! Tempted to move her big cot in tomorro so will have to forgive out how to approach that with mum! It's daft ano but we've always done things jointly with her, as if we co-parent almost. Dd sees her dad I've a week for 8hours and I've live with mum since April but we share doing things for dd as it takes the stress away smilex

piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 20:02:52

Oh and the fact that I put her down 10mins ago and she's fast on ALREADY!!!! grin amazing compared to the usual hour long battle!!grin

piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 20:04:15

bunbaker Unfortunatly not sad shes vented for life but by mask so not too bad x

PavlovtheCat Sun 09-Dec-12 20:36:00

piglet oh, then you know your own answer. You think it feels right, you are more relaxed, DD is sleeping almost immediately, and the idea of her going back to her own room is making you fret. So, do it. And, let your mum try to persuade you, but remind her that ultimately, your need to sleep and be assured that DD is safe is the most important thing over and above co-parenting with her. Just reassure her that you value her advice and involvement and doing things together, but when times come that you disagree, your choice has to be the one that comes out on top.

I hope she is understanding and lets you do this without too much fuss.

I personally would have DS back in with us like a shot, if it were not for DH being adverse to the idea, although even he has on occasions wondered if we should just bring his bed back in with us, we all sleep so much better when he is not apart from us. Unlike DD who used to happily sleep in her own room better than with us.

In fact, if DH were even slightly up for it, I would move both children back in with us. I love having them near me.

piglettsmummy Sun 09-Dec-12 21:00:12

Thanks think I har definitely made my decision! smile

Inclusionist Sun 09-Dec-12 21:13:01

I think your mum is being a bit Victorian.

My Ds is 2.3 too. He was the most terrible sleeper when he was in his cot. He would wake, panic and scream- until he was sick if we left him.

We put him in a toddler bed at 2 because he learned to jump out of his cot. Since then he gets in with us at some point most nights. But he gets in and goes back to sleep. We are all sleeping properly for the first time in two years!! It makes us all happy and that means, in my book, it is fine!

Bring your DD in your room. grin

PavlovtheCat Sun 09-Dec-12 21:14:47

inclusionist DS was/is like that, it all improved so much when he got into his own little bed, he settles in his bed, and at some point in the night he sneaks in between us and goes back to sleep. Which is significantly better than the first 2 years of his life, which was hell in terms of sleep.

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