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Confused, am I letting her CIO?

(10 Posts)
IShallCallYouSquishy Thu 08-Nov-12 20:25:06

Quite often at bedtime my DD will scream. She won't want anymore to eat (BF) has clean nappy, not too cold, etc but will just scream the minute she's put in her cot. My personal choice is no CC/CIO especially as she's only 5.5months so I will pick her up and cuddle her. She will then keep screaming, will offer her breast again (usually refuse) and keep cuddling her while she screams until she falls asleep.
After talking to another mum (I know I know!) I'm now worried I've been letting her CIO as she been crying/screaming. I've never wanted to do this as I don't want her to ever feel like her mummy, the most important person in her tiny little life, doesn't care for her.

Please reassure me, by letting her scream and cry while I cuddle her isn't CIO?

SamSmalaidh Thu 08-Nov-12 20:29:46

No, it isn't CIO - CIO means leaving them to cry until they give up because they realise no one will come to them.

My DS also went through a phase like this at about the same age - it was like he couldn't calm himself down to drop off. I found sitting in his room holding him really tightly an sshing loudly in his ear helped him fall asleep.

She's screaming because she is tired and doesn't know what to do with herself. You are cuddling her and helping her calm down and fall asleep - that is exactly what you are supposed to do!

BigWhoop Thu 08-Nov-12 20:30:31

You aren't shutting the door on her and walking away - you are trying to comfort her. That is COMPLETELY different to CIO...., ALL babies cry sometimes, if you close the door and walk off to watch telly leaving them to scream, then that would be different...

She could be overtired/stimulated, try a calmer run up to bedtime, and try putting her to bed earlier too if possible smile Might work - might not, but as long as you keep trying to respond you are not leaving them to CIO.

IShallCallYouSquishy Thu 08-Nov-12 20:39:34

Thank you. I just had this panic as its exactly what she's just done and I had this conversation playing in my head "oh you're letting her cry"

She currently in arms squished in nice and close with her thumb in.

We do bath at 6ish followed by feed in her room with light off. This feed takes anything up to about an hour. Sometimes she will happily fall asleep feeding, others she will be obviously telling me she doesn't want any more, so I will give her a kiss, tell her it's time for sleepies, mummy and daddy love her and will see her when she wakes up. She can be perfectly happy, all dozey and so ready for sleep but it's like the minute I put her down this little sensor goes off and the screaming starts.

I know have to decide if it's safe to put her in her cot grin

IShallCallYouSquishy Thu 08-Nov-12 20:41:28

*now not know

BertieBotts Thu 08-Nov-12 20:45:06

It's totally different, holding her while she screams to her being left to scream alone.

Imagine you were crying, alone or with someone hugging you - which feels worse?

belindarose Thu 08-Nov-12 22:09:00

I agree with all the previous posters. And if your baby is anything like mine (4 months), you're not 'letting' her cry - you can't stop her!

But just a thought in case you haven't tried it. My DS usually likes to fall asleep in my arms, sucking his thumb and with white noise. But sometimes he just can't and has his eyes closed for 20 seconds or so, then screams and so on. I usually keep cuddling through this, but if the 3 year old needs me urgently (poo, usually!), and I have to put him in his cot for a minute, he will often fall asleep instantly.

MillionPramMiles Fri 09-Nov-12 10:18:22

No your not letting her CIO, I used to have a very similar experience with my 6 month old dd (and still do occasionally when she is ill or very overtired). Advice I had from a midwife was to hold her, pat her quite firmly using a steady rythm on her back or bottom and ssshh quite loudly near her ear. I also found using the dummy before she really ramped up sometimes prevented her from losing control. Also sometimes playing soothing music quite loudly would distract her and stop her crying. The midwife said aim to distract the baby to break the cycle of crying and calm them down. Often the baby just can't see or hear you when they're like that.
It's really upsetting when they cry like that (and my dd would throw up too...), hope things get better for you.

SarryB Fri 09-Nov-12 12:45:43

CIO is leaving her in her room by herself.

Some babies need a 'cry-down' period. Apparently, crying can help them to block out the outside world.
But if you can, wait for a wee break in the crying, then start singing loudly. I sing the 'nick nack paddy wack give the dog a bone' song. This ususally shocks him into listening.

Or, before she really gets going, blow gently in her face, then start singing. If she's already really mad, this will make her worse though

IShallCallYouSquishy Fri 09-Nov-12 14:47:43

Thank you all so much. She can go from little grumble to Defcon 1 in a split second if she is in the right (or wrong!) mood.

I have found that once she's got past the trying to pierce my ear drums phase she will calm down enough to suck her thumb - she has always refused dummy - and will alternate 20-30 scream and 10-15 second thumb suck gradually increases the thumb sucking time. I think last night was worse as just as I picked her up after the first couple screams my DH came home and came into her room - cue one suddenly happy and smiley little girl all excited to see her daddy. I then had to try and get her to go to sleep after that angry

At nap times she's usually fine, will grumble for no more then 5 minutes, and I leave her, and she wall fall asleep by herself. She just seems to hate bedtime. Once she's down for the night she's fab so can't complain really. She will have a feed between 10-11 depending whether she wakes or I dream feed her, then that's usually it until morning.

Will see how we go tonight grin

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