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Have I royally messed things up?

(22 Posts)
Crimebusterofthesea Mon 05-Nov-12 10:27:52

Am having a rough time with 10 month old DS at the mo. He is waking 2 or 3 times a night and wants to be fed back to sleep. He is currently fed to sleep at night and for most naps. Just spoken to a friend who said that babies are not silly and that the only thing that will work is not cuddling and not offering milk when he wakes.

She said CC is basically the way to go. Please tell me that I'm not doing anything wrong?! I am so anxious anyway and I hate the idea of CC as IMO it just teaches them that there is no ppint in crying as noone will come. I feel so upset, his lack of sleep is obviously an issue and it would be lovely if he slept through. Not really sure what I'm asking, just some kind words would really be appreciated. Will things get better on their own?

DawnOfTheDee Mon 05-Nov-12 10:32:56

I think CC is not recommended under a year old anyway.

My DD (9mo) has a bottle before bed (and her naps) and if she wakes we'll give her a bottle. She has been going through a phase of waking in the night lately but that's all I think it is....a phase. Usually she's a pretty good sleeper and tbh she's slept through a couple of nights this last week.

How is your DS's sleeping patterns usually? Was he previously sleeping through or has he always woken up a few times?

DawnOfTheDee Mon 05-Nov-12 10:34:39

9-10 months is quite a busy developmental phase for babies - there's a lot going on and often teething on top of that. I'd be reluctant to try any sleep 'training' at this stage.

Meant to ask is your DS bottle or breast fed? If he's bottle could your DH help out in the night for a while?

Crimebusterofthesea Mon 05-Nov-12 11:35:55

He is breastfed, but he can settle without the boob if DH winds him down and gently rocks him. He is such an active little bundle and he will resist naps quite often as he just cant seem to switch off. He currently has 2 naps a day, one at about 9 and one at 2. I normally travel in the car for the 2nd nap as it eliminates the need to feed to sleep and I know he will go off without a problem. It just feels really isolating, I'm the only one of my friends who breastfeeds and I keep being told I've made a rod for my own back.

Raspberrysorbet Mon 05-Nov-12 13:26:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crimebusterofthesea Tue 06-Nov-12 13:08:17

Smile successfully achieved raspberry! Last night DS woke at 11.30pm and I tried to resettle him without the boob. He screamed bloody murder for about half an hour and I was in tears too. I just don't feel that now is the time to night wean and try and improve things - it just breaks my heart. He went straight back to sleep and slept until 5.45am, so not horrendous by any means. Question though - how do I know that he isn't genuinely hungry? It is always a niggling doubt in the back of my mind.

EdsRedeemingQualities Tue 06-Nov-12 13:10:49

Sometimes they just need you in other ways and it's not about hungry or not.

Comfort is just as valid a reason to feed at night.

You're doing everything right. If it ain't broke don't fix it smile and yes, it will pass and sleepier times will come!

Ignore your friend, a lot of people think babies manipulate, I don't think that, it's your baby, you decide x

estya Tue 06-Nov-12 15:34:18

I genuinely don't understand what people mean when they say 'babies aren't silly/they are trying to manipulate you'. Manipulate means to do something to get what you want. ie, need need a cuddle/comfort/food/dummy picking up - a baby cries. Why do some people have a problem with that?

I tried pantley's pull off technique but it didn't work for us.
I then expressed (to let DH do her for a few days for me to have a break) and she was taking a massive quantity of milk, we realised it was actually hunger, she was just falling asleep on the boob, then hungry again less than 2 hours later.

My CC friends told me to go cold turkey, a 9MO doesn't 'need' 2+ night feeds but I don't need to eat as often as i do but i'd be pretty pissed if i was suddenly refused lunch.

appleandplum Tue 06-Nov-12 21:11:34

My 9 month old son is exactly the same, very active and will only feed or sleep in car/pushchair. He is bf too (although mixed fed)he has a bottle to go to bed but still wakes and will only take it from me. I spk to my hv and she said he needs to learn to self settle, basically cc. I tried leaving him a few evenings last week and he was distraught so i now continue to feed or cuddle to sleep.

I was going to add a post to ask if anyones babies fed to sleep and actually ended up ok at going to sleep.

I decided bf is a big con, as when babies are newborn the advce is 'feed on demand' and then a few months down the line you have a baby who has only ever known feeding on demand and suddenly its expected that they shouldn't feed when thy wake!

MummyV18 Wed 07-Nov-12 04:05:41

I agree with apple about bf being a con.

Yeah great bf has its benefits over ff and I'm glad I've done it but no one tells you the cons.

My LO is only 5 months but currently he is waking every hour!! I'm so drained now sad I can't continue like this til 9+ months.
Bit scared to move fully into bottle (I combo feed now) incase he's wanting a bottle every hour. Plus only breast seems to get him to sleep, DH seems to be incapable of settling him.

(Sorry to rant in your post OP I was only going to write something small & got carried away)

Crimebusterofthesea Wed 07-Nov-12 07:36:13

I must admit that I don't get the whole manipulation thing either, and it is very reassurIng to read that others feel the same. We also had a much better night, bed at 7, then woke at half 3. Quick feed and back to sleep until 7, hooray! He also grizzled a couple of times and self settled, so he can do it. Makes me feel even more that when he does cry in the night, it isn't manipulation, he just needs me.

EdsRedeemingQualities Wed 07-Nov-12 07:47:18

Yes, I bf both of mine on demand and aside from the bits where they were ill or teething (there can be quite a few episodes of teething!) they slept really well next to me. They didn't seem to wake properly to feed, and neither did I have to - getting up and out of bed is much more disturbing than just offering your boob and turning over a bit iyswim smile

they are older now and both self settle really well.

bissydissy Wed 07-Nov-12 10:33:39

I stopped feeding to sleep at 5 months as baby only knew how to settle via boob and was waking every hour for a power suck (less than a minute then down again) and if the feed wasn't enough - aarghh up for 2 hours.

So I used the book 'teach yourself baby sleep' recommended here. We started to not let her fall asleep on boob or wake her up with a nappy change. It took one nasty nap but I didn't leave her to cry (cuddled in cot, dummy). Also started patting her rather than feeding if had done less than 3 hours sleep at night. Within two weeks got her down to maybe 2 feeds one pat a night and naps got longer (from 45 mins to 1-2 hours).

Then she had a cold - we are back to square one!

But there was no nasty tears, no crying it out and I was tip top for a while.

<sobs quietly at the memory>

thefudgeling Wed 07-Nov-12 16:14:51

Hello. When mine was 10 mo I went back to work, and he was waking in the night, and feeding always got him back to sleep very quickly. Still, I hate waking up in the night and wanted to try and discourage it if possible. I read a tip on here about gradually reducing the length of the night feeds until they stop waking for it as it's not worth it. Don't know if it's that that worked but he slept through most nights from around that age, and at least I felt more in control and like I was doing something about it (control freak emoticon).

He still wakes up and I bf him if he's ill or teething at 19 mo btw.

I don't think CC is right for everyone so don't feel pressured by know-it-alls smile

Crimebusterofthesea Wed 07-Nov-12 19:59:25

Thankyou all for your words on wisdom and encouragement - he has not fed to sleep at all today. For his first nap I had to rock him to sleep and then pop him in his cot, but tonight I read him his story, popped him in his cot when he was sleepy and he just rolled over and went to sleep with a few back rubs.

bissydissy Wed 07-Nov-12 20:05:03

crime buster that's great. Maybe he's ready to do it differently now. Fingers crossed. Do what feels right. You know him best.

jaggythistle Wed 07-Nov-12 20:13:12

if it helps my oldest was fed and/or cuddled to sleep till he stopped doing it by himself. he <touches wood before typing> sleeps really well and learned to fall asleep for naps and bed time by himself. we did a little routine with a bedtime story from about 8mo.

DS2 is 6.5mo and up at least a couple of times. he did fall asleep with only a cuddle once the other night, just cuddled a blankie.

i am hmm at bf being a con. I'm not sure what you expected from a wee 5 month old posters above?

MummyV18 Wed 07-Nov-12 20:30:20

I'm sorry I'm just having a tough time with it atm. I was feeling a bit bitter about it all as I was so tired and all the formula babies I know seem to be sleeping better.

I just wish he would sleep a few hours. I'm not expecting him to sleep through or anything like that. Just a 3hr stretch would be nice. It's just becoming wearing that he'll only sleep if breast fed and my DH can't settle him so its all on me.

jaggythistle Wed 07-Nov-12 21:05:49

It does end honest. smile

I know a baby who is now FF and still up lots guzzling her bottles, so it's no guarantee.

With DS1 it got better gradually with phases of really bad sleep when ill or teething.

I am trying wait and see again and also co sleeping for a few hours a night if DS2 (6.5months) won't settle in the cot. I spent ages falling asleep in a chair with DS1 as I was too scared to have him in bed beside me, at least I can lie down now!

appleandplum Wed 07-Nov-12 21:48:45

What i mean by 'a con' is the advice from health professionals. When baby is first born the advice is all encouragment to bf and that feeding baby on demand is right and cluster feeding all evening is right. i spoke to my hv last week about my 9 month old not sleeping and she said until he self settles he never will sleep and basically told me to do cc. I don't know how a baby that has only ever known feeding on demand and feeding when waking to suddenly be expected to cry itself to sleep. It's the advice that's a con, when you really need support geared to bf.

jaggythistle Wed 07-Nov-12 21:57:52

Ah, so you mean they are on about bf on demand then go all inconsistent and recommend CC?

appleandplum Wed 07-Nov-12 22:16:28

Yes, to start with its all about the baby then they're expected to know that they shouldnt feed wheh they have spent months being taught (on heathcare profesionals advice) thats what to do!

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