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it's the false hope I can't deal with

(7 Posts)
blossombath Thu 01-Nov-12 08:42:58

DS is 8mo. Sleeps poor to average (3x30min naps in day, minimum 3/4 wakings at night, mostly more, but can go to sleep on own at bedtime after some fussing -- and when stars are correctly aligned-- and usually sleeps until around 7/7.30). Have always tried to tell myself that he will get there in his own time, so just need to cope with it until he does. Have tried a few things to encourage better sleep but don't know have the will power/patience/energy for sleep training in any meaningful form.

But am (obviously, why else would I be on this topic?) so tired. Would murder own grandma for a lie in, but the thing that upsets me most is that sometimes he will have a two/three day period where it looks like things are getting better. A long lunchtime nap, for example, and I begin to dream of daytime sleep to catch up. Self settling at night, or only waking twice and allowing me a four hour stretch of sleep.

Then he's back to square one and it feels like things will NEVER get better. Why does he toy with me like this?! Why can't it be an arc of continuous sleep progress; why this stop/start torture? I look ahead to years of teething/nightmares/bed wetting/etc and feel like crying.

Just that, really. After a bit of reassurance, I guess, that one day I will have more than three hours sleep in a row for more than one night, but otherwise just needing to vent before I make my stupid decaf tea (caffeine seems to make him sicky) and comfort eat loaves of toast and jam.

ElphabaTheGreen Thu 01-Nov-12 16:30:29

I hear you. biscuitbiscuitbiscuit (Solidarity biscuits)

ExhaustTed Thu 01-Nov-12 18:51:56

Ditto, me too. False hope is a perfect phrase.
What keeps me sane is that my bad sleeper is dc3, ds1&2 were fairly bad, but I did have some normal nights sleep in between. So my therory is that it won't be like this for long/or forever. I hope. It can't be....

Cydonia Fri 02-Nov-12 05:17:10

Same here. Am not encouraged to see your DS is 8 months though!
DS is 23 weeks, never been a great sleeper but particularly bad since about 14 weeks. Recently has started to improve, take naps better, go to bed easier, self settle regularly and wake a couple of times a night, feed and go back to sleep. We've started weaning this week and last night he had two good chunks of sleep, I thought we'd cracked it.

Not so. Am currently feeding him for the third time tonight ( only about 2 hours since last feed! ) and he's slept very lightly and noisily in between. He's been snuffly/congested today so could be that, but there's always going to be something, like you say. He's been teethIng for weeks now as well and only has two teeth so that's going to drag on too.

I moaned about his sleep to the HV the other day , she said " oh well he's nearly 6 months and then you can try controlled crying "
At the time I was a bit taken aback (PFB) but now I'm getting very tempted......

Doodler79 Fri 02-Nov-12 05:35:42

I too have a baby who is 8 mths and a terrible sleeper! My baby also gives lots of false hope!

Take this week for instance - Monday he slept through, from 7pm-6.00am (first time ever happened). Fantastic I thought, hopefully at last we have turned the corner! Not so, the rest of the week has been dismal, up every 2/3hrs. I find it so frustrating and have been racking my brains to figure out what happened on Monday to get him to sleep for such a long period.

Like you have said there always seems to be something to sabotage all the progress - colds, teething.....etc. It feels like one step forward, two back.

I to have tried everything - read all the books, taken all the advice and nothing works. I have given up now trying to figure it all out.

I must admit when my baby was newborn I thought things on the sleep front would be sorted by now - how wrong!! I just try and tell myself that he will get there eventually.

I guess I just wanted to say you are not alone OP!

blossombath Fri 02-Nov-12 21:02:53

Thanks for biscuits Elphaba, sugar is my friend at the moment. Have a comradeship tea back brew.

ExhausTed I keep clinging to knowledge that it must end eventually (though I would still ask my (working late) dad for a milky drink and chat during insomnia nights right into my teens...perhaps this is karma).

Since he was born I have psyched myself up to expect broken nights at least until he was well established on solids but its surprising how much sleep deprivation and the constant search for solutions (even if I tell myself just to go with flow) can take its toll.

Cydonia I used to think I could never do CC because I couldn't bear to hear him cry. I still think I never would (because I hate the idea of him crying to sleep or all those stress hormones) but there are times now where I sort of want to cc him, for example when I've put him down for the millionth time and flips himself over and wakes up again, arching and crying to be picked up. Or when he wakes me up mid sleep cycle and/or very early in the morning and my limbs feel so heavy I just can't face getting out of bed. But then I imagine him feeling abandoned, force self to carry on and know I couldn't really commit to CC. And I think you have to commit to make it work. (sorry waffly).

Guess all I can do is keep on this regime of tea, biscuits and hope!

blossombath Fri 02-Nov-12 21:45:49

Just wanted to clarify as I don't want to upset anyone, I am not totally against cc in all circumstances, just not for me now. Very much of opinion that each baby and parent must find their own way and I know no one does it lightly.

Hope you all have good nights tonight...

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