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Self settling

(7 Posts)
shellshock7 Mon 22-Oct-12 19:54:40

Just after some opinions really.
I have a 7m DS and my friend a 13m DD and we have both been told recently by HV that our babies should be put down awake in their cot and self settling by now? The idea of this is so foreign to me, my DS would either play or cry!

Is this 'a thing' then and if we don't crack this will our children by 21 and still need rocking to sleep?!

If we were to attempt it is there any way that doesn't involve crying as neither if us are willing to go for this!

Thanks smile

Nigglenaggle Mon 22-Oct-12 21:09:09

I dont think there are that many people who can just plonk their baby in the cot and get them to sleep. What we do is go through his evening routine, get him in pyjamas and sleeping bag, lights off, and then sit with him for 5-10minutes in the dark, until he's sleepy but not asleep, and then put him down. Its supposed to help them learn to sleep. If yours are already sleeping through regularly though, dont see why you need to do it. And Im sure they all learn to sleep eventually, one way or another (but apparently without help often not until they're 2-3!!) and if you want to rock your baby until then then why not. So if you have a sleep problem, then look for advice (I like the Baby Whisperer books) but if not, then ignore the silly health visitor and carry on as you prefer, regardless of what anyone thinks you 'should' be doing.

shellshock7 Tue 23-Oct-12 20:06:54

Thanks niggle, until a recent illness DS is a great sleeper (hope he goes right back when better!) so I think you are right and I can just ignore smile

mummysmellsofsick Tue 23-Oct-12 20:30:54

I'd say ignore. Babies can't normally self settle unless they've been sleep trained. My 11 mo still needs to be rocked or fed to sleep. It's not a problem though, it's not a milestone or anything. stupid HV

Mitsouko Wed 24-Oct-12 17:43:25

Personally I think self-settling is bollocks. Just a quick glance over the sleep board on any given day will show you the number of babies who initially settle themselves well off to sleep at the bedtime and then proceed to wake frequently through the night and need heaps of attention. And many babies who are fed, rocked or cuddled to sleep are good sleepers um, not mine though. It is natural behaviour and most babies do need some help settling to sleep, especially when very young.

I've taken to lying to my HV recently or just outright ignoring her. Where exactly is the medical evidence that supports leaving infants to scream hysterically behind a shut door until they exhaust themselves and give up trying? Because this is exactly what not one, but two HV's told me to do when I've made a cursory mention of DD's unsettled nights. And of course, I've brought it all on myself from feeding and comforting her to sleep. "Rod for your own back", etc, etc. Fuck off

fififrog Thu 25-Oct-12 21:08:28

Well, another perspective... we 'taught' our DD to self-settle at 5.5 months and I am very glad we did as the one consistently good aspect of her sleep has been that I can count on two hands the number of occasions she has made a fuss at bedtime (she still wakes frequently in the night but goes back to sleep without help, and she is an early riser, so no sleep angel). She is now 19mo by the way.

We'd reduced rocking until she was falling asleep sitting on our lap and we'd put her in the cot asleep. We just put her in awake instead and sat there silently til she went to sleep. The first night she cavorted for 20mins, cried for 7, then was asleep. The next night cried for 2. A week later we could say "night night" and leave. She has gone through phases of crying for a few mins, but usually no issues. The last 2 months she now never cries at all and ushers us out the room with "bye bye!"

I would say ignore your HV and do what feels comfortable for you and DC - I'm only posting because personally I'm glad we did I before she could stand/walk. Also we had to do somethig as she woke a lot in the night and we were struggling to get her back to sleep. We were almost insane with exhaustion. Self-settling sorted the night waking so I then only fed her twice and she dropped one feed at about 6.5 months of her own accord and the other at 10 months when I stopped night feeds because it no longer got her back to sleep. Sharing this unnecessary detail so you can see I'm not some gina ford "baby must do this" person!

fififrog Thu 25-Oct-12 21:13:29

BTW don't want to give the impression by saying "wakes frequently" that I leave her screaming behind a closed door. I know she wakes because she often shouts out involuntarily, but it is obvious if she needs me (for one thing, sh shouts "mummy" now) and I go in straight away (and then co-sleep, as it happens - I am not a sit-in-the-cold-martyr either!)

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