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Help me set a routine for us parents

(11 Posts)
dashoflime Fri 19-Oct-12 06:32:26

DS aged 3 months sleeps from 10pm to 4am, then settles again till 8am (if I'm lucky).
We have him with us in the evening and put him down at 10 in his moses basket. Me and DH have a bit of TV time then I go to bed at 11.30-12.00.
DH has always been a bit of a night owl and likes to stay up late.
DH is now getting into the habit of staying up until DS wakes at 4.00, then carrying him up to me and waking me up so I can breastfeed. He then sleeps to between 10am and midday.
I sleep till 8am and get up with the baby.
I am very pleased with DS sleep pattern but dismayed that DH and me seem to be sleeping in shifts. Its lonely and I miss the intimacy of being in bed at the same times.
Can anyone suggest a better routine for us? I have said to DH that there is no need to stay up till 4.00 waiting for DS to wake.
He has replied that he doesn't want to wake the baby by moving him upstairs earlier and doesn't want to leave him alone downstairs as too much bother to get up again and bring him upstairs. What do other people do?
It seems like the baby has a great routine, but the parents are all over the place!

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 19-Oct-12 06:48:16

Why can't you put the Moses basket in your bedroom? So put him down at 10pm, go downstairs, watch tv, have a chat, go to bed and let DS wake you when he is ready to feed?

ElphabaTheGreen Fri 19-Oct-12 06:50:48

Just a warning that his lovely sleep pattern may go flying out the window very soon with a four month sleep regression, and then you'll have a whole new can of issues...

...but for now. Can you not put him down in the bedroom rather than downstairs with you at 10pm? Keep listening in on him with a baby monitor and by the time you both go up to bed he should be heavily asleep enough that you won't disturb him, and you won't need to move him.

That's not anything I've tried and tested, I hasten to add. DH and I haven't had evening TV (or even grown-up conversation) time with just the two of us since 5mo DS was born. We usually see each other briefly over dinner before both DS and I go to bed at 7pm. We've just accepted that it won't be like this forever and to ride it out for now.

dashoflime Fri 19-Oct-12 07:29:24

Like the idea of putting him upstairs to start with. So far he's been falling asleep on the breast and Ive been moving him ever-so-carefully to the Moses Basket. Now he's in a routine I could probably take that evening feed upstairs and go through the same process there.
Elphaba: point taken about the 4 month sleep regression smile

The Sids guidelines recommend that baby takes all sleeps in the same room as you for the first 6 months.. It's alright using a monitor so you can hear him breathing but he needs to hear you to 'remind' him to breathe.

I have no idea how to get your husband to have a 'proper' routine but couldn't you put the LO down to sleep in the moses basket with you as normal but then take him upstairs with you when you go to bed? If he wakes you can offer a feed as you would normally when he wakes at 4... Your DH won't have an excuse not to come up until 4 but whether it makes him come up earlier is another matter!

I agree about the 4 month sleep regression - just as you think you've got a baby figured out everything changes ;-)

my motto since becoming a mum is "do whatever works at the time" - there's nothing to stop you tweaking details to get a better night's sleep but if something is working its pointless beating yourself up about it IMO

dashoflime Sat 20-Oct-12 07:59:26

So, last night DS fell asleep at the breast downstairs at 10 as usual and we carried him upstairs and put him to sleep there.

I totally thought it would be impossible to carry him all that way without waking him but we did it. Victory!

In the two hours he was asleep in another room, he did not forget to breathe hmm and adults are a couple of hours sleep up on yesterday.

Completely understand that everything will change in a couple of weeks.

ElphabaTheGreen Sat 20-Oct-12 08:45:09

Good news! You may get lucky and escape (just don't rub it in by telling us wink).

If you're going to take the piss out of a comment intended to help I don't know why you bothered posting asking for advice in the first place. I only pointed it out as many people aren't aware of why the recommendation is to stay in the same room as a sleeping baby for the first 6 months, other reasons include an increased awareness of potential problems such as rolling onto stomach and basically preventing baby falling into too deep a sleep. I couldn't care less if you want to take my advice or ridicule me but I think anyone affected by SIDS would be pretty [shocked] at your attitude - clearly you think you know better than scientific research, well done you!

ElphabaTheGreen Sat 20-Oct-12 12:23:51

Hm...bit of an overreaction there maybe Nicecupoftea? I certainly didn't read it that way...

Hmm maybe, sorry if I read it wrong

dashoflime Sun 21-Oct-12 12:14:35

Nice Cup: Prevalence of cot death is around 0.543 deaths per 1,000 live births. Sleeping in the same room is thought to reduce that by risk by half; so 0.2715 per 1,000.

Even if I was going to have DS in a separate nursery all night every night (which by the way I'm not) we're talking about replacing an extremely tiny risk with a higher but still very tiny risk.

I've no idea how much of an increased risk would be associated with leaving DS alone in a room for the two hours between 10pm and 12 midnight. I'm willing to bet it would be negligible, if it were even measurable at all.

I'm also willing to bet that everyone on here has left a sleeping baby for that amount of time, to tidy another room while the baby naps during the day for example.

Without meaning to dismiss the terrible tragedy of anyone's bereavement, In my opinion much of the way women are encouraged to think about cot death (and indeed many other aspects of motherhood) is neurotic and overly self blaming. I absolutely will not be sucked into it.

"do whatever works at the time"

^ thank you, I will

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