Crying it out and nursing to sleep? Are the two incompatible?

[shepster]

I currently nurse my 21 month old DS to sleep at night. He wakes about 2/3 times a night, and last night, I had to let him cry it out. I had no alternative really. Something I never do. Just wondering how to proceed tonight. Do I try to put him to bed awake and let the controlled crying (ugh) begin then? I really feel that I must do something to help him sleep without waking. Simply takes too long to get him to resettle sometimes, and I now feel this is unfair on him. If I could stay up all night with him in my arms, I would. Alas.

Just wonder if I should wait until he wakes in the middle of the night to let the tears fall (heart wrenching) or begin his evening with a good dose of stress (how I do not want to do this)? Any thoughts are most appreciated.

Sorry if a broken record here. Trying to tackle sleep issue since birth!

Shepster

[MoelFammau]

DD (17mo) has slept through the night twice in her whole life. I also use the feed to sleep thing, though I do worry it's becoming a major crutch.

Can't say much except can I hang around and see if anyone sensible replies?

[Grohlsgirl]

It's horrible isn't it? In my experience, if they fall asleep unaided at the start of the night, it is far easier to settle them during the wake ups. Google Dr Jay Gordon for a bit of back up and hopefully ease the guilt a bit.

[Smudge588]

I've done it and lived to tell the tale! Theory is that if you do it to start with at the beginning of the night they know for in the night. it took 2 or 3 nights with mine. Was total hell but then ok. I took a lot of comfort in remembering that ds would be happier and healthier for a full nights sleep in the long run. I also have him loads of time and love in the days to make sure he felt secure at night. Good luck!

[shepster]

Thanks for the replies. MoelFammau, you're in my camp too. Though my DS has NEVER slept through the night. Still, two means you're probably still as sleep deprived as I am.

I am going to google Jay Gordon and see what he has to say. Have been doing the CIO thing for the last week, and I find it makes my son really fractious and clingy during the day. I'm beginning to wonder whether it is the right move, as he doesn't seem to be caving in. Wakes up at midnight and wails intermittently for a couple of hours. Sleeps for 2 or 3, then pops up again at 5, when I do go in and feed.

Really at a loss. So to Dr. Jay Gordon! I hope he has some answers as I just don't know what to do next.

Thanks all!

[Bagofspiders]

I fed DS to sleep for a long time then tried controlled crying which didn't work for us. Now I just put him in the cot and sit in the chair next to him till he falls asleep. It was difficult at the beginning but I stuck to my guns, didn't take him out of the cot and said nothing but 'shhh' and 'sleep time DS'. Now it only takes 5 mins & if he wakes in the night he settles himself.
hth

[drcrab]

My dd is now 25 months and has only since turning 2 started going through the night. More or less. I have a 4.7 year old so can't really let her cry it out. I didn't do it with DS either.

With DS I fed him till 23 months. Got too painful and then found out I was pregnant . He was using the dummy and dh fed him lots of fruit smoothies as he didn't like the bottle.

Dd I'm still feeding her to sleep but there have been several nights where if she's had a big cup of milk means she's happy to lie next to me and with a bit of patting and stroking, fall asleep quite happily.

Good luck. Sleep deprivation is not funny. Not when you've been working full time for the last 1.5 years!!

[CharlieMouseWillDoIt]

As Bagofspiders says, you could give "gradual retreat/withdrawal" a go. Less full-on than CC or CIO, as you still need to stay in the same room as your DC, whilst they fall asleep in their cot.

I've just finished reading Andrea Grace's book - Gentle Sleep Solutions. She stresses the importance of starting any form of sleep training, whether that be gradual retreat or CC at the beginning of the night so the baby/toddler falls asleep in their cot. This is for 2 reasons - 1) they are more likely to self-settle if they wake up in the same place as where they went to sleep. 2) they will (hopefully!) be less confused/upset in the middle of the night if they do wake up and you continue the sleep training. Hope that made sense.

Good luck.