CC, what do I do when she doesn't settle when I go in?

[LaTristesse]

I thought it was only supposed to take 3 days but I'm about a week in with 6 mo DD now. I've been putting her down, leaving her for a minute, then 2 minutes, then 3 minutes etc til she sleeps.
She is sleeping better but she usually just burns out. There's no settling or even let-up in her cry when I go in. I struggle to differentiate between her cries. She just sounds furious and devastated to me. There are real tears. So what do I do? It wasn't mY choice to CC anyway, DH has insisted, but I'm hating every second of it. It cannot be doing her any good, but I do understand that she needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own.

[Mitsouko]

Sorry that you are going through this, it sounds awful. I can't advise on cc as its not something I would personally be comfortable with, but hopefully someone with more experience will be along. But I wouldn't continue if it is upsetting you. It sounds like you have been forced into this by your husband. Is that the case? If so, you need to sit him down and talk. Broken sleep is hard. I know, I've also got a 6 month baby and am exhausted. There is SO much going on at this age developmentally, and all of it can make for seriously unsettled nights. As far as "needing" to learn to fall asleep on, well there is a lot of evidence that suggests that for many babies its just too difficult. Some babies continue to need help falling asleep, and learn to self settle in their own time when developmentally ready. 6 months is still very young. Hope you can find a gentler way that works for your whole family.

[Seriouslysleepdeprived]

CC doesn't work for everyone & it doesn't really sound as though its working for you. If you're not comfortable with it and feel she's suffering, go with your instincts. I'm not sure it's recommended for babies under a year anyway. May be you could tell your DH that?

I've got a six month old & while I think he's brilliant & very clever, I'm not sure he would understand what we were trying to achieve if we just let him cry.

When you say learn to sleep on their own, what do you mean...self settle?

[scarlettsmummy2]

Just stop it. It's cruel and babies that age will not realise that you will come back.

[MrsRadicchio]

Hi LaTristesse, sorry things are so tough. Just wanted to post as my DS was the same. Think we tried it a bit later but he seemed to get more upset by me going in and out, it seemed to me like I was tormenting him! Needless to say, I stopped trying after a while. I have read somewhere that sleep training will usually work in 3 nights and if it is taking over a week you should stop, try later or try something different.

When DS was 7 months I had success with shush patting to break the feeding to sleep habit. The crying was also awful, but it was only one night and then he seemed to "get it".

Also had success and v little crying (just grumbling) with gradual retreat but this was when DS was a lot older (over 1) and I explained to him what was happening.

Maybe your DD will suit a more gentle method? Are you trying to stop feeding to sleep, or trying to get her to go to sleep on her own completely (without you there). Is she waking a lot in the night?

Also sounds like your DH should be doing this if he is the one who wants to and you don't!

[LaTristesse]

Seriously, yes just drop off on her own.

Problem is we have a toddler too and getting them both in bed is proving impossible. I've tried with DH but he's a difficult arse and wants to have his say. Not that he helps me mind... If he had it his way he'd just close the door and leave her, this was my compromise that she at least gets some company.

Scarletts I agree with you. I think she's too small. I just don't know what else to do. I don't have enough hands. (And before anyone suggests I put her in a sling, I've tried but she's too distracted by DS's noiscruel actually sleep.)

[MaidenDevon]

I'm afraid if my DH insisted on this for a 6 month old he'd be doing some controlled crying of his own, probably when he got the divorce papers! If she's crying until she 'burns out' you aren't doing CC you are doing Cry It Out. Please stop, it's not working, try something else - get The No Cry Sleep Solution if you need more ideas, but 6mo is far too young imo.

[LaTristesse]

Thanks MrsR, no she's the one not keen in feeding to sleep anymore, she pushes me away or bites me. I'd be happy to continue. I fed DS to sleep until he was a year and then he was much more receptive to other methods, but DD doesn't have any other alternatives at the mo.

When I eventually get her off she'll stir after every sleep cycle, sometimes needing resettling. I try not to feed her again until I go to bed (10 ish) then she'll wake again about 12/1 when I pull her into my bed because I'm too shattered and she sleeps beside me helping herself to milk until DS wakes us up about 6.

[LaTristesse]

Believe me Maiden, I'm not far off that...

I have that book (and hundreds of others) and I used it with DS but I just don't have the time to spend hours with DD as I have DS to sort out too. Ideally I'd like DH to put DS to bed /bath etc but DS refuses to let him. Can't say as I blame him but it does put a load more pressure on me...

[Seriouslysleepdeprived]

I think the key to self settling is for them to have a wind down period, so they are in the right frame of mind to drop off. Same as us really. If I get home late I need to wind down before bed or it takes twice as long.

I appreciate it must be difficult with two & it doesn't sound like you're getting much help. Can you change the bed times to help at all? (No idea if this possible as I only have one).

I suggested using a sling to wind her down (rather than drop off), on your other thread. I have a ergo with a hood thing that shits out stimulation. I can them put him in the cot & he drops off.

Otherwise, have you tried a light/music projector for the ceiling? DS has a heart condition & they use them in the hospital to do scans. Works a treat & you could kind if leave her to it for a bit.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Shits out stimulation, eh Seriously? That's quite a sling!

[Seriouslysleepdeprived]

Oh yes. The ergo is amazing!

[SamSmalaidh]

6 months is too young for controlled crying really. Have you tried any other methods? Patting her to sleep or pick-up/put-down?