Co-sleeping

[BonaDea]

I'm only 14 weeks pregnant, but starting to think about stuff we need for the LO and how we want to handle things.

I was a real skeptic about co-sleeping, but have recently read Kate Evans' book the Food of Love (because it was recommended to me by a friend to learn more about breast feeding) and have to say that her piece on co-sleeping and pros of it really stood out for me as sensible and natural. My main objection to it before was a fear of lack of intimacy with DH, me not getting any sleep for fear of crushing LO and - and I think this is the biggie - worrying about when I might get my life /bed back.

Having discussed with DH he is definitely on board on the basis that ultimately in the beginning we may both get more sleep this way (not having to get up and down out of bed)... but we like the idea of at least having a co-sleeper cot like the bednest, so the baby maybe has slightly more of a feel for its own 'area' while still giving the option for him / her to be right in with us and hopefully to make the transition between our bed and nursery, when the time comes, easier.

So, my real question is: if you start co-sleeping what are the chances of being able to move baby more fully into his/ her own cot and ultimately room at some point in the 6-12 months mark? Does the fact that he / she has slept with you make it impossible to settle elsewhere? Or does the good start you've been able to give in terms of quality of sleep perhaps make it easier to gradually encourage them more and more into their own space? Are there other factors I haven't considered?

Views please!

[tittytittyhanghang]

Can only go on my own experience. Ds2 co slept with us (not planned) and by the time he was about 6 months he suddenly became really unsettled in our bed and so we put him in his own cot no problem. Turns out he was a natural roller and we would hear him crashing about his cot plenty throughout the night, whereas in out bed he was kinda kept still, cuddled into me. Ds1 also coslept with me and he went to his own bed when he was about 3, without much fuss neither.

[IWishIWasAFrog]

Hi,

I bought a cot and a crib when pregnant, was going to be routine queen, etc. When we brought DS1 home, I simply could not put him in his crib, I just had to have him with me at all times, and so the co-sleeping started!

BF him for almost 9 months when he self-weaned, continued to co-sleep until he was 2 years old and DS2 arrived. DS1 moved into his own room with almost no problems. Co-slept with DS2 too, still do, still BF at night and he will be 1 tomorrow! IMO it is the best thing ever for getting sleep ad successful breastfeeding. I had terrible problems with oversupply and a very fast let down reflex, feeding lying down made it easier for baby to pull away without drowning, iyswim! I also think it helped to forge the fantastic relationship between DH and the DS's, DH being away at work all day and not really seeing them, he loved the cuddles all night long and felt less 'left out'. The only times they really kept us up was when they were really sick, which was few and far between anyway. Was the best decision we made, no regrets. Don't let anyone tell you any of that 'rod for your own back' bollocks, because that is just what it is!

Enjoy your newborn!

PS we have a superkingsize bed and DS's head was right up above own pillows, so no chance of squashing, except when he fed. You're kind of 'alert' anyway, even if you do fall asleep whilst feeding. I got a lindam bedrail from about 4 months, worked brilliantly. We also used our duvet right through.

[Hopeforever]

I found this book wonderful

www.amazon.co.uk/Nighttime-Parenting-Child-League-International/dp/0452281482?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

He also has a website

www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/attachment-parenting

[BonaDea]

Thanks, both, that's really helpful.

frog we only have a double at the moment, but have a kingsize on order!

[IWishIWasAFrog]

Always go for the the biggest bed you can fit into a room I say!

Seriously though, I think there is a lot of scare-mongering around co-sleeping. It is pretty much the norm around the world, as you know if you have read up about it. OUt of all of my friend who had babies at the same time, we are the only one who co-slept from birth. Ours is the only ones that sleep through the night. DS1 might wake around 23:00 for his dummy (now that was a rod for my back ) but we all get sleep! Who cares how you get it! And 'tis sooo cuddly and lovely, they're only little for such a short time and there is no better feeling in the world than cuddling a sleeping child, it is the best prozac ever!!!

[BonaDea]

Waaah - sounds amazing. Can't wait!

Hope - thanks for the tip, will have a look.

[Mrscog]

I always liked the sound of cosleeping, but didn't think I'd do it due to being too scared, only having a double bed etc. However, we did cosleep from about 1 week old until he was about 6 weeks old. He wouldn't settle at all in his moses basket, but next to me he'd just snooze right off, it was as though he knew I was really close by.

I set up our bed for safe cosleeping and felt really good about it all, the only problem was I was uncomfortable and keen to be able to stretch out and snuggle the duvet around myself again. So from about 5 weeks old I tried putting DS in his moses basket after every night feed and he started sleeping in there for some stretches from about 6 weeks. He generally ended up in our bed for the last stretch though (4/5am - 7am) but I didn't find that too bad as I'd had some of the night with my side of the bed to myself!

I loved having him in with us though, and now he's 7 months and in his own room I miss him a lot. One of these nights I'm going to have him in with us for old times sake I think! It's also nice once they're older as they are so much more robust and I don't worry about 'safety' as much - by that I mean that I still set it up safely, but don't feel quite as anxious as I did at times when he was newborn.

[GEM33]

hI, You are in such a good position. I sooooo wish I had come on mumsnet and read the food of love BEFORE I had my baby.
the first thing I read was a xmas present ---gina ford contented baby (I WISH I HAD NEVER LAID EYES ON THIS BOOK). It totally goes against my parenting instincts.
I have muddled through breast feeding and co sleepin for the last 10 months and tried a bit of sleep training at 6 months after which I READ kate evans book. nOW i Wish I hadnt bothered with sleep training that made my little baby cry for 3 nights before I almost had a break down and gave up. (I only did it because everyone I had met went on about their artifically fed babies sleeping through the night and that stupid book saying my baby should be sleeping through by 6 months - in fact im going to burn it now)

I would totally recommend a huge bed and a little co sleeper bed (can get a good one from amazon £100) attached to your bed..you may find when babs is bigger you use this as extra arm space for you or somewhere to put your pillows when you are sleeping on an angle because babs is spread eagled!!
my baby would not be put down and we wasted money on a moses basket never used and a cotbed - so far never used.

you wont squash your baby, your instincts as a bf mother (as long as you follow the cosleeping rules not drunk/no smoke etc) will make you sleep in a protective position and I found I like that I can keep an eye on babys temperature all through the night. If you are that type of person and kate evans makes sense to you (attachment parenting if you like) then try it.

RE getting your life back/bed back.......I think you should totally forget this idea. ;-) The earlier you come to terms with things NEVER being as they were the easier it will be..!!!

[whatinthewhatnow]

We coslept with my son until he was 3 and my daughter until she was 2. they both now sleep happily in their own beds and are very independent, confident children. It's the best parenting decision we ever made, honestly. We converted out cot into a bedside one, which helped loads, just to give that bit of extra space.

[DeliaRose]

Co slept with all of mine until they wanted out at between 6-12mths. All 3 are wonderful sleepers now, and have experienced very little separation anxiety from all of them.

Am very of you having a brand new baby to snuggle up to! Good luck, and enjoy!

(p.s king size bed!)

[SquidgersMummy]

We have an ikea bed and an ikea cot assembled minus one long cot side - mattresses line up perfectly - so we are all in a row - perfect as we all can have space or DD can wriggle/be pulled towards me - at same time we can have separate bedding. Not expensive. (DD and I have sep sleeping bags - DH has quilt.). She is 8 wks old and sleeps really well. Think the closeness really helps.

Good luck

X

[RachelWalsh]

We bought a bednest cosleeper which baby never wanted to sleep in preferring to be a foot or two further over in the big bed with me. I now wish we'd spent the money we spent on that on a bigger double bed instead so that would be my advice - dont bother with a cosleeper just buy the biggest bed you can. I have a mesh bed guard to stop baby falling out (although he probably wouldn't anyway as he always cosies in to me). I didn't cosleep with my older son when he was a baby and I definitely get more sleep this time round.

Oh and read three in a bed by Deborah Jackson - it's brilliant.

[BigBoPeep]

i was dead against co sleeping.....until i spent 48hrs without sleep in the hospital post elcs because EVERY time i put her down she screamed the place down...

when we got home she came into bed with us and we've all had plenty of sleep since. it feels very nice, natural, cuddly and enjoyable rather than the sleep deprived battleground i was dreading. we too thought about a cot thingy but instead treated ourselves to a superkingsize mattress for similar money, esp as we want dc2 sooner rather than later...

sex hasnt been a problem so far, as she would just come to bed with us and she doesnt really know what's going on at this stage....now we have also worked on getting her into bed and fed off to sleep and then i can get back up again for a couple of hours before we get in with her - what happens in that adukt-only time is up to us! ;) sex dosnt have to be in bed. but, we do of course have the bedroom she isnt using yet at our disposal too...