At what age can cosleeping rules be relaxed?

[PPL]

This is my 3rd question of the day, I'm full of them today ;)

DS 15 mo has rarely coslept for many reasons - I am selfish, mainly, and can't give up my huge duvet. Also we have a double (rather than kingsize), and seeing as DH has shared all night duties with me I feel mean kicking him out on to the sofa if DS wants to bunk up with mummy.
Also in the past the idea of sharing with me has sent him into party mode rather than a deep slumber.

Anyway, recently with his canines coming through there have been a couple of times he's fallen asleep next to me and its annoying having to move him once we're all comfy.

So by this age is it safe to have him between us, under a duvet, sharing our pillows and at risk of having DH roll on top of him?!

thanks!

[HannahBerry]

bumping for you

[TheTermagantToaster]

We stopped worrying about duvets at around one (DS has always slept with us).

Mind you, he always ends up outside the duvet because he's so squirmy. And he still doesn't use a pillow.

[Overwhelmedmummy]

I'm curious too - so no help sorry. But I feel bad kicking my dh out of bed if my dd just won't settle any other way - which is usually when feeling particularly poorly. Hope someone comes along with advice soon.

[Rosebud05]

I don't know, but to be honest, I still felt very nervous about duvets and pillows and the like when my children were your ds's age, and kicked dh out if they came in with me. I put their pillows on the floor and they were wearing sleeping bags, so no need for a duvet.

[TheTermagantToaster]

And he ALWAYS chases DH right to the edge of the bed and ends up sleeping on his head :o.

[TheTermagantToaster]

You definitely worry less if they're in with you all the time. You know more about their sleep habits, I guess.

[LilQueenie]

My 14 month has slept with us since around 8/9 months as she went through a phase and it was the only way she would settle. She sleeps in the cot till around 4am then its in with us till morning.

[wildpoppy]

I felt safer from about five months. But we have two duvets and dh is firmly wrapped up in his like a sleeping bag (which is why we have two) so I only have to worry about keeping mine off of her.

[hellymelly]

I think children can have a pillow of their own from 12 months, according to guidelines? (may be out of date). That is around the time I stopped worrying about pillows so much, they had special fairly flat ones . At 15m I wouldn't worry about a duvet either.

[BrittaPerry]

Tbh, mine always just kind of snuggled in. I remember me and my two sisters clambering around my parents bed too :-)
I just kind of arrange the pillows o there isn't a huge gp in the middle, if that makes sense.

We don't officially co sleep, but our bed often contains various children :)

[Rubirosa]

DS had his own pillow and duvet at 12 months so I certainly didn't worry about him being under the duvet in my bed.

[Startailoforangeandgold]

Birth!

Sorry I have no patience with the present hysteria.
Bad for establishing BFing, Bad for continuing BFing, very stressful for parents and down right dangerous if either parent has to drive the next day.

Just let every one get some fucking sleep in the way nature intended.

Rant over!

[Startailoforangeandgold]

OK I didn't let DD fall asleep between us, I always fed that breast first and then slept with he on the cooler outer edge in the crook of my arm not on my pillow.

But honestly the risks of co sleeping are tiny compared with the stress of getting no sleep.

[TheTermagantToaster]

I have to say I'm more of startail's persuasion. But it is a difficult area for first time parents especially - before you start to trust your own instincts. And yes, breastfeeding would never have worked for us if it hadn't been for the co-sleeping

[Startailoforangeandgold]

Yes, my quite often,co-sleeping DD was DD2. DD1 was FF and a monumental fidget you couldn't co-sleep with her.

Also to be fair the strictest of the advice didn't come in until after either of mine were tiny.

However, with a DH who was driving huge distances and who refused to decamp to the spare room, sleep definitely won.

[needsadviceplease]

I always feel a bit nervous admitting that DS has been under my duvet since birth. But he has. He's 5mo now. He sleeps at breast height in the crook of my arm, so pillows not currently presenting any issue. And am single mother so no DH to worry about. But he has never, ever ended up under the duvet - and, pre-baby, I used to snuggle under it up to my chin.