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currently bf to sleep and co-sleeping but have had enough. cold turkey or stages?

(16 Posts)
HoratiaWinwood Fri 21-Sep-12 12:21:51

Both DCs have been bad sleepers. At around 18m we Baby Whispered DS1 and with the help of a GroClock and increased understanding he "got it" and has slept well in his own bed since.

In order to function as a parent to DS1 (pre-school run, no adult daytime nap, etc) I have been co-sleeping with DS2 since the 4-6m regression. This has resulted in lots of sleep for everyone (hurrah) but a very attached toddler.

DH and I are both fed up. We are supposed to be ttc#3 but keep missing fertile days because we can't do it with him in the bed, and he is waking for attention early so we can't even use the spare room.

So we are planning BW (PUPD) again from this weekend. Obviously it's more complicated this time round so I have questions for your opinions, please.

1. What do we do with DS1? The boys share a room and it is important for DS2's "training" (hate that word) to take place in the place where he actually sleeps - his familiar cot in that room. Should we let DS1 sleep elsewhere for the duration of the training (ptions are our bed - ha! the irony, or the spare room but that is downstairs so I would make encourage DH to sleep down there too)? There is no local family support to call on.

2. Given that DS2 is used to "bf to sleep, put down in cot, when wake up get brought to big bed and bf back to sleep, helping self occasionally until morning" and the aim is "bf, put down in cot awake, fall asleep, self-settle, see you in the morning"... is it better to go for one change at a time, or all in one go?

My feeling is that if we bite the bullet DS1 will be more cross (using pupd to avoid distress but not annoyance/fury) but it will ultimately be less confusing for a child who can't read a clock and doesn't know what cycle day I am on.

Any thoughts gratefully accepted. I won't do cc/Gina Ford though.

Chickpeas2 Fri 21-Sep-12 12:28:25

Ooh almost exactly my situation but with DC1 still in our bed too...confused although she did have a period of sleeping in her own bed so I know she can do it....!

Sorry no tips or advice but empathy and lurking with interest. grin

HoratiaWinwood Fri 21-Sep-12 13:40:32

Sympathy is fine - my rl friends that know think we are freaks for bfing past a year, let alone co-sleeping so sort of nice to hear I'm not alone.

Shameless bump for both our benefit...

Pozzled Fri 21-Sep-12 13:47:53

Another lurking with interest. DD2 is 15 months, still mostly bfs to sleep, and comes into our bed any time from 1am to 4 am. She completely disrupts my sleep and I am getting very resentful.

I do hope someone out there has the perfect solution!

HoratiaWinwood Fri 21-Sep-12 14:09:00

I have requested that this be moved to Sleep, BTW. I couldn't find the topic earlier because I am a dick.

TheCountessOlenska Fri 21-Sep-12 16:29:11

How old is your DS Horatia?

I bf-ed and co-slept till DD was 2.2 (anything for an easy life!) - I did somehow manage to get pregnant again and was so knackered straight away that I went cold-turkey on the bf. Did it in one day. As soon as she realised there was no milk at night she slept much better and now, at 2.5, she FINALLY sleeps through the night in her own bed!

I tried PUPD and a bit of CC (which I hated) but the only thing that worked was to stop breast feeding - I am a bit sad about that but she was suprisingly fine!

HoratiaWinwood Fri 21-Sep-12 16:56:32

Thanks for your reply. He is 17m. I'd rather not stop bf (he isn't interested in moo milk but is otherwise a reasonable eater) but would gladly night wean.

DH has just rung to say he will be "several hours late home" so I will be doing this solo. Fucksake.

TheCountessOlenska Fri 21-Sep-12 16:59:15

Oh fair enough then, I wouldn't have stopped bf at 17 months either smile

I just never managed to night wean - but it must be possible surely, hopefully someone will come and tell you how!

Good luck smile

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 21-Sep-12 17:51:02

Lurking with interest as bf ing to sleep and co sleeping with DC3. Planning on doing Pantley's no cry method this time around.

I did pick up put down with DD2 when she was almost two I think. It worked but I was not cosleeping then.

Re: what to do with DS1. When DD2 was naughty in the night (she had a period of calling and wanting to be up and playing, etc.) we had a talk with DD1 (they also share a bedroom) and agreed she could go to our bed during DD2 training nights, so to speak. DD1 agreed. We did not have to do this for long as it seems that the prospect of losing her big sis for just a few hours at night convinced DD2 to behave.

Hope someone comes along with best plans...

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 21-Sep-12 17:55:39

PS pick up put down worked for night weaning. Stopped BF when DD2 was 2.5yrs. Her initiative. We swapped for 3 bedtime songs as new routine. Good luck.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Fri 21-Sep-12 18:11:55

Another bf cosleeper here. We never really managed to use the cot so 21mth DD has been in our bed all her life. I just moved her to her own bed. We brought a nice duvet cover and made a big deal of how nice it is, and she is now happy to be fed to sleep there for naps and bedtime. At about 2am she cries so then we take her in with us, feed to sleep, on/off snacking and nipple twiddling <grrr> til morning. I was sort of hoping she would eventually just sleep through the night. It's not going to happen is it?

HoratiaWinwood Fri 21-Sep-12 19:32:26

Thanks all.

DS1 has chosen to sleep in "the big bed" (we bought a superking specifically for co-sleeping so it is huuuuge).

DS2 doesn't think he is tired and doesn't want any milk.

DH is still at work for the foreseeable.

I'll be back tearing my hair out probably later.

HoratiaWinwood Sat 22-Sep-12 19:03:31

Well...

He didn't wake for a feed until 11.20 which is pretty good going. He was very resistant, though, finally giving up on PUPD#202 (!!) at 3.10am. What the actual, as the yoof say. (DH was a chocolate fireguard not as supportive as I would have hoped, but I have complained at length discussed it with him and he is definitely on the page now.)

Then 4.45-4.55 ish (seven cycles, but he was absolutely knackered) and then 6.20, at which point it was getting light so he came to us for a morning feed.

Didn't have a brilliant nap today so I think he will still be pretty tired. Will update later/tomorrow to see if there's any advance on 202...

HoratiaWinwood Sun 23-Sep-12 12:00:52

Down at 7.10.

Up at 8.45, milk, straight down.

Up at 11.20, down after 73 at 2am.

Up at 3.30 I think, down quite quickly after nappy and milk.

Up at 6.10, another nappy, into bed with me for "morning milk" that lasted until 9.45 after DH had taken DS1 to football!

It's horrible though. I am a zombie. When he wakes up and I am wrenched from warm dreams to cold reality, and I know it might be hours before I can lie down again...

Staying strong.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Mon 24-Sep-12 12:00:23

Gosh, sounds like hard work. Thanks for the updates, watching with interest!

HoratiaWinwood Mon 24-Sep-12 14:12:39

Sob. It took a long time to get him off last night - seven looooong pupds.

There were longer gaps between wakings and we are down to 27ish from 200+.

Yesterday was supertough as we had bad news from Afghanistan and one really needs to be emotionally stable to carry out this kind of thing!

Will carry on with updates, as they are useful to me if nobody else.

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