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Did anyone put a young baby in their own room?

(114 Posts)
BellaCB Thu 08-Mar-12 15:37:02

DD is 6 weeks old and we're wondering about moving her into her own room in the next few weeks. Partly this is because she will soon be too big for her moses basket, as she's a long baby, and we can't fit the cot into our room. But it is also partly because she is so incredibly noisy! DP and I are struggling to get decent sleep even though DD is (blissfully) at the moment sleeping from 8pm-3.30am. She's not too noisy when we go to bed, but after her 3.30 feed she snorts and grunts and does this really odd stretching manouevre complete with enormous groans, even though she is asleep - which keeps us awake! We've tried all different ways and times to settle her after this feed but nothing has altered the noises, its obviously just something she does. Also, DP and I go to bed and wake up at different times most nights so I wonder if we are disturbing her.

Anyway, because we don't have a spare room, or room for a spare bed in the nursery, I'm starting to wonder about moving her into her own room. The doors with be open so we will hear her when she gets unsettled (as opposed to just snorting!). Has anyone else moved their LO over at 8-10 weeks-ish?

BikeRunSki Thu 08-Mar-12 15:40:53

Both at nine weeks. We all slept a lot better.

GinPalace Thu 08-Mar-12 15:42:09

I know a couple who did this for very similar reasons - they have no regrets.

We moved ds at 3 mo as that was when he outgrew his basket.

It took me about an extra 3 secs to get to him if he needed me and I could still hear of he did so I don't see the problem. smile

GinPalace Thu 08-Mar-12 15:42:23

if he did

Magicrabbit Thu 08-Mar-12 15:56:38

We did the same! Our ds outgrew the moses basket quickly. We initially put the moses basket in the cot in his own room (he was 6 wks), to test the water to see how he'd be in the other room - he was fine. Then we took him out of the basket and into the cot itself, in the other room. Again, no problems. He slept better and didn't wake himself up every time he waved his arm around, as he was in the basket in our room!

All I can say is it worked fine for us x

exoticfruits Thu 08-Mar-12 15:58:04

Yes we did-everyone slept better.

TheOneWithTheHair Thu 08-Mar-12 15:59:57

I know a lot of mums who have done this. One from birth and she's a gp. It seems that parents and baby both slept better. I see no harm in it.

mohara Thu 08-Mar-12 16:00:56

Yes, another Mum here who was going mad with lack of sleep due to a snuffly, wriggly, baby!

DD2 was in her own room at 6 weeks and we were all much happier! Room was right next to ours and the baby monitor was on high sensitivity smile

Ragwort Thu 08-Mar-12 16:02:16

Yes a lot earlier than 8-10 weeks grin, I know I have been saying this for 11 years on Mumsnet and perhaps it is just a coincidence but I have never, ever had a problem with my DS getting to sleep. He always 'went to bed' properly at 7pm (rather than being allowed to fall asleep in a moses basket in the living room) from the day we bought him home from hospital.

gegs73 Thu 08-Mar-12 16:03:12

We put DS2 in his own room after about 12 weeks as he outgrew his moses basket and was very noisy. The other thing if you don't want to move her just yet is to get some earplugs. I used to wear one for a while. Blocked out shuffling noises but anything louder than that which I needed to hear I did.

hazeyjane Thu 08-Mar-12 16:08:05

I think the recommendation is for 6 months in your room, because this can reduce the risk of SIDS. The idea is that at a very young age babies breathing is regulated by our breathing, so keeping them close is a good idea.

Would a crib fit next to bed? Also earplugs good to block out worst of the snuffling!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Thu 08-Mar-12 16:11:00

We moved dd1 into own room about 10 wks and best thing we ever did everyone slept much better. As a mum you have one ear permanently open and the slightest snuffle or movement and your awake. If the door is open you will hear if dc is properly awake and needs you or just get a monitor. smile

loveisagirlnameddaisy Thu 08-Mar-12 16:11:12

I didn't because I was worried about SIDS and the (current) advice is to have them in your room for 6 months. Who knows what the advice will be next year!

I eventually moved my daughter at 4 months because she wasn't sleeping (my partner snores) and I wasn't sleeping because she wasn't. My partner was fine though. smile

A good friend of mine has done it with both and they both sleep well.

I'm not sure I would do it becuase I'd be worried about the cot death implications so probably wouldn't sleep very well anyway.

loveisagirlnameddaisy Thu 08-Mar-12 16:11:56

Sorry, meant to say that I think by 4 months I felt she was robust enough and the main danger had passed (which I think is between 1 and 3 months although I could be wrong).

Kaloobear Thu 08-Mar-12 16:12:12

We did it at 13 weeks as DD had outgrown her basket and we were all keeping each other awake.

BellaCB Thu 08-Mar-12 20:43:03

Thanks everyone! I was worried I was being a terrible mum blush - after lying there for the better part of an hour in the early hours of this morning listening to her groaning I turned to DP and said, "she's got to go into her own room." Then I woke up this morning and felt awful for saying it!

Unfortunately the crib won't fit in our room, but thanks for hazey and gegs for the earplugs suggestion, I might try that first and see how it goes. But its good to hear that other people put their LO's in their own rooms early!

exoticfruits Thu 08-Mar-12 22:09:39

You are a much better mum if you get a decent night's sleep. It is really very unimportant-just do what suits you as a family.

missmapp Thu 08-Mar-12 22:15:02

Both dc's were in their own room from day 1. They were in the next room with a baby monitor.- we slept, I could feed them without having to wake dh so we wern't both exhausted, and it worked for us. However, I learnt early on that this is a very devisive issue and it caused many gasps if I told others , so I soon kept schtum.

happybubblebrain Thu 08-Mar-12 22:23:41

My dd went into her own room at 3 months. We've never had any sleep problems, she's a very sound sleeper. She's never wakes up during the night and she's never wet the bed. I invested in a video monitor which gave me more peace of mind until she was a toddler, I would recommend it.

bonzo77 Thu 08-Mar-12 22:45:39

DS in own room and in big cot from 7 weeks. And sleeping on tummy. Slept 11-7 from 8 weeks. I think when he slept in our room I disturbed him and he me. When he went into his own room he still disturbed me because of the baby monitor -which I slept clutching to my ear-, but he slept better.

BellaCB Fri 09-Mar-12 10:00:39

Thanks exotic! I'm going to go with that logic too...

Right, I'm off to buy a new cot mattress (2nd-hand cot) and a black-out blind, then she can go over in a week or two!

hardboiledpossum Fri 09-Mar-12 11:24:03

I moved DS at 8 weeks and he started sleeping from 8-6 pretty much straight away. Was Bliss but only lasted until he was 7 months. He is now a terrible sleeper at 12 months and has moved back part time into our room!

notso Fri 09-Mar-12 11:42:59

I couldn't ignore SIDS advice, just like I couldn't not put my baby in a carseat, even though he hates it and car journeys even short ones are pretty hellish.

There are loads of people who's DC have been fine, but as the saying goes if my Auntie had bollocks she'd be my uncle.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Fri 09-Mar-12 12:22:46

I don't think anyone is ignoring the SIDS risk notso and it is a very valid point and something we all consider very carefully. But there is also a risk to baby if neither mum or baby get any sleep due to being constantly disturbed by eachother. There is a real danger to babies who's mums fall asleep with them on sofas and they are so sleep deprived they pretty much just crash and don't wake up the way you would if you were a bit more rested. I guess you just have to weigh up all the risks and do what you feel is best for your family. I did worry when dd1 went into her own room but not as much as I worried about being so tired that I wouldn't wake up if she needed me. ( and please don't read this as having a go at someone it isn't everyone here has very valid points and reasons as to y they did or didn't put children in their own rooms and there's no denying there are risks and worries to each decision) guess it all just proves there is no right or wrong answer here and all we can do is do what we feel is best and we all love our dc and want the best for them smile

alemci Fri 09-Mar-12 12:48:05

yes my DS. He was my 3rd. He started off in my room when he was very small and I had his room ready next door so he ended up in it after 2 nights of being back from hospital. I think I dragged the crib in there in the middle of the night.

It probably seems selfish but I wanted to sleep as much as I could as I had 2 older DD's and he was fine.

ilovedjasondonovan Fri 09-Mar-12 12:50:35

DD1 was 7 days old when she went in her own room.

DD2 was given only 6 days due to her snuffling (would snuffle for 5 mins before crying for food).

Doors were left open so we could hear them. Never a problem and at least it meant we could get back to sleep inbetween feeds.

ilovedjasondonovan Fri 09-Mar-12 12:52:42

Oh, and earplugs didn't work for me, I could still here them.
Infact, I still wear them and you can hear them if they call out in the night now (5 and 3).

hazeyjane Fri 09-Mar-12 12:54:24

The advice wrt sids is there for a good reason, but it is up to the individual whether you follow the advice. The sleeping on there tummy advice is also there fore very good reasons, so would be wary to do that also.

I suppose it just seems to me that it is for a relatively short time, and in most cases there are ways around any inconveniences.

As far as the sleep deprivation goes, despite periods of appalling sleep (dh and I are taking it in turns to sit up with ds atm, half a night each -it is a killer!), I don't think I have ever been so tired that I didn't wake up when one of the dcs did.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Fri 09-Mar-12 13:01:12

Would help if the babies new the rules too!! And slept quietly/ on their backs/ thru anything and everything grin

notso Fri 09-Mar-12 13:07:28

I agree with you Wheresmycaffinedrip in that we can all only do what we think is best. A lot of aspects of parenting are down to using your common sense and trusting your instincts.
I know what it is like to be sleep deprived, I have 3 DC and am due to have DC4 next month.
I just feel that it is important not to rely on anecdotal evidence with reguard to a choice like this.

DottyDot Fri 09-Mar-12 13:09:04

oh yes - ds1 at 6 weeks and ds2 at 2 weeks, which I'm a bit blush about but honestly, it probably saved my sanity as ds2 in particular snored like a train and there was no getting any sleep until we put him in his own room. So, no regrets at all as it meant at least between feeds we were getting some relatively decent sleep...

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Fri 09-Mar-12 14:07:47

Congratulations on dc 4 notso!!!! smile

notso Fri 09-Mar-12 15:11:34

Thanks smile

Op hope you get some sleep soon , whatever you decide to do.

BellaCB Fri 09-Mar-12 16:13:25

Thanks notso. I do appreciate your advice, but I think I am going to go with putting her in her own room soon. I guess I just wanted some reassurance that I wouldn't be the first person to do it. I am on my own a lot as DP works long shifts, and DD doesn't nap during the day so I can sleep, so being tired is a real issue for me - getting more sleep during the night will be a big help.

choccybox Fri 09-Mar-12 16:27:05

I couldn't as SIDS advice, your breathing regulating theirs but think you have to do what is right for family. At 6 weeks it's so tiny I'd want them right next to me.

ItWasThePenguins Fri 09-Mar-12 16:40:07

We did at 4.5 weeks. To start with moses basket inside cot. It helped us sleep better, and he shortly slept through.
Good luck

omama Fri 09-Mar-12 22:46:38

We did at 3 months, up to then he was in moses basket at side of my bed. My DS was also a very noisy sleeper, grunting & squirming & it disturbed me a lot.

In all honesty though, my main reason for holding off moving him out was for the night feeds. Whilst he was in the room next to me, I would hear him start to stir, & could see him starting to root & so could prepare his bottle ready for when he woke, whereas if he had been in the next room, I'd only have been woken by his crying, by which point he was already very hungry. And of course I could sit in bed to feed him which is better when you are still doing 3x NF's.

Once he got a bit older and was sleeping a good long stretch at night & waking only once for a feed at 5/6am, then I was happy to move him. I'd probably do the same again with any future dc's.

I say if it suits you & your family & will help you all get some better sleep then its the right thing to do.xx

smackapacca Fri 09-Mar-12 22:50:50

Mine were in with us for about a day. They survived!

They were too noisy. Dh couldn't risk broken sleep as he's a driver. I liked going into the dcs bedroom to feed and then going back to my own bed.

smackapacca Fri 09-Mar-12 22:51:19

Oh should say they both had angel care monitor which was very reassuring.

OctopusSting Fri 09-Mar-12 22:55:06

We did at 6 weeks as we had a 'squeaky' baby - she is still called squeaks now grin

Your baby. Your choice. You are aware of SIDs guidance (as we were), so you are making an informed decision based on what is best for your family smile

Meglet Fri 09-Mar-12 22:56:43

yes, both dc's at 2 months. Yes, I worried but they were too big for the moses basket so had to move them.

However, I kept the nursery room cool and well ventilated, they had gro-bags, no blankets / cot bumpers or toys in the cot and the bedroom and nursery doors were wide open. It was 'only' 10 steps from my side of the bed to the cot in the other room. I'm not sure I'd have been as ok with it if I had a big house, although if I had a big house I would have been able to fit a cot in the main bedroom.

I didn't use a monitor as I could hear the snuffling noises and even noisy thumb sucking if I listened carefully.

It still worked even when I was bf at night, I just had to bring them into my bed to feed then pop them back.

nappymaestro Sat 10-Mar-12 07:45:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Avantia Sat 10-Mar-12 07:59:54

Both went in their own room at 8 weeks .

They we weaned at 4 months - that was the advice then - 10/11 yrs ago .

Advice will change constantly over how we deal with our babies / children.

TheGreatHunt Sat 10-Mar-12 08:11:47

Advice does not constantly change. It changes when more compelling evidence arises that suggests it needs to change.

If you want to put your baby in a separate room, or wean early or whatever, then go for it - your choice. It doesn't matter what other people did or do - assess the risks for yourself and own your decision.

hazeyjane Sat 10-Mar-12 08:17:10

It does change, but it doesn't just change randomly, if there are new findings wrt SIDS or weaning age etc, then they change the guidelines accordingly.

I guess it is then up to the individual to weigh up whether they follow the guidelines or whether they don't think the risk is worth worrying about.

To me it seemed like a guideline worth following.

hazeyjane Sat 10-Mar-12 08:18:05

ha,it took an age to write that post (multi-tasking!) so cross posted with you TheGreatHunt!

Gigondas Sat 10-Mar-12 08:19:13

Agree with great hunt that need to assess
Risk for yourself. Also afaik being in own room is a risk factor but so are a lot of other things (bedding, temperature, parental smoking etc) .
And completely agree that i don't think it is stupid to want some sleep ESP if it is getting to the point it affects parents ability to work properly or their wellbeing.

RedHotPokers Sat 10-Mar-12 08:24:20

Follow your instinct. My sister died of sids as a baby, and I always thought i would follow every piece of advice to the letter.

But at 4 months ds was in his own room. None of us were sleeping, and we just had to do it.

spicyorange Sat 10-Mar-12 08:28:38

I have done this my first dd was 6 weeks old when we put her in her own room and my second dd was 4 weeks old when we did it, they both slept so much better when we did it.

FannyFifer Sat 10-Mar-12 08:34:06

Absolutely not.

Flisspaps Sat 10-Mar-12 08:39:13

No. DD was in the room with us until she was 6 months old, based on the SIDS guidance that babies need to be in with you to regulate their own breathing.

SardineQueen Sat 10-Mar-12 08:53:42

Mine went into their own room at about 5 weeks.

loveisagirlnameddaisy Sat 10-Mar-12 11:43:47

Would be interesting to know SIDS stats based on babies who have died and were still sleeping in parents rooms?

Gigondas Sat 10-Mar-12 14:31:47

And whether the sids data for children in parents room also shows other factors such as
Smoking

grobagsforever Sun 11-Mar-12 12:52:17

I'm sorry I don't understand why you would wilfully ignore solid advice about SIDS. Yes, advice changes, but based on good, solid research. Babies are not supposed to sleep alone, millions of years of evolution show this as well as scientific research on SIDS. This study www.sidsandkids.org/wp-content/uploads/Room_Sharing.pdf suggests room sharing reduces the risk of SID by up to 50%.

6 months is a very short period of time.

grobagsforever Sun 11-Mar-12 12:52:53

Just read bit further - other studies quite a five or ten fold risk of SIDS if in another room!

BarryNormansSofa Sun 11-Mar-12 13:52:30

It's not wilfully ignoring - we make our own judgements - there are lots of other factors that are involved in SIDS besides sleeping in same room such as smoking , sleeping position etc.

We assess the risk .

This from NHS website shows how rare SIDS is .

How common is it?

SIDS is rare. For example, more than 300 babies died suddenly and unexpectedly in the UK in 2007. This makes SIDS the most common cause of death in babies over one month old, although the risk of your baby dying from this is still small.

To be honest they really dont know what causes SIDS and until we fully understand it we will continue to make what we feel is best for us as a family.

exoticfruits Sun 11-Mar-12 14:34:37

I agree BarryNormansSofa.

grobagsforever Sun 11-Mar-12 16:12:38

BarryNormanSofa, yes, thankfully SIDS is now rare. Now we understand the risk factors and parents (largely) adhere to the advice. If parents stop adhering to the advice SIDS rates will go up again. Babies being car crashes is also 'rare' but you wouldn't consider not using a car seat would you? I'm sorry, but if your judgement is to ignore the advice than that is your choice and your right, but you are choosing to ignore it as you are not following it. Anyway, that is just semantics. I simply don't understand why so many parents ignore this one piece of advice but follow all others e.g. back to sleep, tucked covers etc. Just because this piece of advice is less convenient for parents.

Gigondas Sun 11-Mar-12 16:13:11

Grobags that extract does indeed talk about sleeping in other rooms but also cross refers other issues (eg sleeping position, bedding type, supervision of parents etc). So to reiterate again sleeping in same room is one factor but bedding arrangement , sleep position etc is very relevant .

Gigondas Sun 11-Mar-12 16:20:46

I am not sure all parents do follow the advice to the letter Grobags. Just like do all parents take precautions about smoking near children or other guidance (not everyone uses car seats- yes It is less usual but it happens) . And it's about proportionate risk- there is a certain element of judgement in a lot of areas of parenting. For example people decide on room sharing and consider the sids risk. You also get vehemence about decisions to vaccinate with those who are pro/anti vaccine quoting to relative risk and you only have to look on threads here to see that you get similar levels of incredulity about decision to vaccinate or not.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Sun 11-Mar-12 16:43:48

The people who are saying the baby slept better when it went into its own room are demonstrating the point - one of the reasons they say to keep the baby in with you is to stop it sleeping too deeply - you disturbing (regulating) their sleep is one of the things that reduces the risk of SIDS. Yes - luckily all of the babies on this thread are fine - others are not.

It is not a matter of YOU being able to hear them, it's a matter of THEM regulating their breathing from your breathing - they can't do that from another room

Of course, this is one of the many decisions you make as a parent after assessing the risks. Please just be sure you have read the guildlines and understand WHY it is recommended before ignoring their advice.

BellaCB Sun 11-Mar-12 16:53:25

Sorry to start such a fight... sad

I do appreciate all the comments, I really do, but I have looked at all the information and made my own decision on the risk factors. Personally, I think there is also a risk factor involved in parents who are incredibly sleep-deprived and who then struggle to get through the day, whether it is struggling to stay awake or struggling to keep their patience because of their tiredness. I know that I have struggled with my LO when I am tired and that if I could get a little more sleep then life will be much easier for the two of us. As I said, when you are parenting on your own a lot and can't rely on your DP coming home every evening at 6 to help out, being just a little more awake and alert during the day is just incredibly important.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 11-Mar-12 16:57:10

I put both of mine in their own room from the word go.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Sun 11-Mar-12 17:08:59

Oh good grief Bella - are you quite new?? This is most definitely not a fight, this is a reasonable discussion for MN grin

BellaCB Sun 11-Mar-12 20:01:40

Ha! Pretty new, I guess grin. I like my threads to be calm and polite!!

NoWayNoHow Sun 11-Mar-12 20:08:58

DS straight into his own room when we came home from the hospital, so 3 days old. It was a small flat, and he room was in between our bedroom and the living room, and we had a monitor.

Lots of different things work for lots of different people, but we found this best for us as we were able easily to hear noises, grumbling, crying etc, but weren't kept awake by snuffling and breathing and squirming.

He's 4 now and, coincidence or not, he's a great night time sleeper. (gone at 7/7:30 not be seen or heard from again until 6:30/7)

grobagsforever Mon 12-Mar-12 09:09:29

Bella, sorry to hear you are struggling. sad I've been there too, it sucks. All I ask is that you read chippings excellent post below so you understand the protective role of room sharing. It is not about whether you can the baby or not.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Mon 12-Mar-12 09:21:37

Yes - clearly quite new if you don't think this has been calm and polite. We must invite you to the next humdinger!! grin

NoWayNoHow - you do realise that the point of them sleeping in with you is to regulate their breathing - to keep them breathing - and reduce the risk of sids - it is not incase they cry and you don't hear them? Of course it doesn't mean all babies that go in their room are going to die of SIDS - but it does mean they are at a greater risk of doing so.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Mon 12-Mar-12 09:24:11

Grobags blush Thank you smile

Of course people need to make their own decisions and do what is right for them (sleep is very important) - it just worries me that so many people do it and don't appear to understand why the recommendations are there and what the risk is that they are actually taking - and it is NOT a crying baby that doesn't get heard sad

Ragwort Mon 12-Mar-12 09:24:51

Chipping - genuine question as I am well past personally worrying about the fact that my baby didn't sleep in our room but how exactly does the baby regulate its breathing by listening to the parents' breathing confused - if the parents are having difficulty sleeping themselves (because of the noise of the baby grin) and are restless/getting up and out of bed all the time etc etc - how does the baby 'regulate' against that background - or does it really not matter and just the fact that you are all in the same room 'regulate' the breathing in some way?

It would be interesting to do some research on whether that babies that learned to sleep in their own rooms are 'better' sleepers than those that didn't - or would that be too contentious? grin.

NoWayNoHow Mon 12-Mar-12 09:26:47

Chipping thanks, yes, I did need reminding what a terrible mother I am. I clearly don't care whether my child lives or dies. Forgive me for speaking out of turn.

ItsTimeToBurnThisDiscoDown Mon 12-Mar-12 10:18:36

I kept DS in with us for 4 months, til he learnt to roll and the Moses basket started to rock alarmingly! I would have like to keep him in with us until 6 months, but our room isn't big enough to fit a cot in.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Mon 12-Mar-12 11:09:02

Ragwort - it is thought that the fact that the parents move around/snore/breath etc stops the baby sleeping too deeply and basically 'forgetting' to breath and that when you sleep with others your breathing does 'get in time' with theirs.

Apparently pointing out the risks is contentious, I can only imagine how a thread about which creates better sleepers would kick off grin

ItstimetoBurn - sometimes you have to weigh up the different risks and go with the one the that you think best. Life isn't black and white is it smile

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Mon 12-Mar-12 11:19:21

NoWayNoHow - saying 'Do what's best for you, it doesn't make any difference - we did and our child is fine, in fact a good sleeper' is dangerous. Anecdote does NOT equal data and blindly encouraging people to 'just do it' is really very dangerous.

People need to make their own informed decision - based on research, not on anecdotes by people who were lucky.

BarryNormansSofa Mon 12-Mar-12 11:27:21

People have based their decision on research , sleeping in same room as baby is just one of the suggested factors to reduce risk.

This is the one that can cause parents most problem , lack of space lack of sleep by both parties - the other factors people can be more proactive about - give up smoking , sleeping position , use of dummy , room temperature.

Those of us that choose earlier than 6 months to sleep separately have not done it on a whim, we assessed the risk and made a decision based on that risk .

roastveg Mon 12-Mar-12 11:54:35

I wouldn't do it (put a young baby in another room to sleep).

And OP, for what it's worth, having been on parenting boards for a few years - my anecdotal experience of what other people have done doesn't fit with the first few replies you had on this thread. I was really quite surprised to read so many 'oh yes it's fine, we did it' replies in such a short space of the thread - my experience has been more generally that most people go with the 'in with parents' advice for as long as possible, with only a minority not following it.

So if you're getting a feeling of 'safety in numbers', I wouldn't give too much weight to that feeling! It may just be an oddity of this particular thread. And bear in mind that the 'crowd' you'll be joining is one who statistically lose more babies to cot death. There is no actual safety in numbers for a baby, from being one of many babies who sleep alone. It might make you feel better, but it won't change the odds for your particular baby.

Yes risks have to be balanced out but room sharing to help protect against SIDS truly isn't just a luxury for people whose partners come home at six pm to help out. It's pretty normal for a lot of people who have even more demands on their time - more than you'd think from this thread. I hope you can bear that in mind along with what people have explained about the reasons why room sharing is thought to be protective (i.e. it's nothing to do with you hearing the baby).

roastveg Mon 12-Mar-12 12:03:16

"But its good to hear that other people put their LO's in their own rooms early!"

It really oughtn't to be that relevant that other people have done it. If someone takes all the risks into account and decides to do it anyway then fair enough - their choice to take the risk (or to work out the best risk balance). But the clincher shouldn't be eight or nine people early on in the thread saying they did the same thing! (Especially when as it turned out that at least one of them had misunderstood the reasons for the advice as being to do with hearing the baby.)

Even if the risk of SIDS was say 1 in 2 for babies in their own room, that would still leave you with thousands of parents on MN who could truthfully come in here and cheerfully say that they'd done it and been fine and had no regrets. Hopefully in that situation we'd all look at the data not the anecdotes, though.

hazeyjane Mon 12-Mar-12 12:12:44

NoWayNoHow, I don't see how you can accuse Chipping of making you feel that way, she is just pointing out what the research shows.

Just to make anyone feel better about putting up with the snuffling and grunting, ds is 21 months and still sleeps in the same room as us, at night and for his naps - and he grunts like a baby water buffalo!!!

cerys74 Mon 12-Mar-12 12:17:10

Our DS was in his own room from 4 months OP - I was a bit too nervous about the potential of SIDS to do it before that but oh, it was nice to get 'our' room back when he moved.

In fact possibly a bit too nice - 1 week after DS moved into his own room, DH and I inadvertently conceived DC2!! Now THAT'S a consequence you may not have considered grin

lucidlady Mon 12-Mar-12 12:18:29

This was always going to be an emotional thread. None of us would willingly choose to harm our babies. It is a very very valid point that SIDS rates have fallen because of the guidance. Yes, it can be said that no one single factor is more important, but what if you were unfortunately the mother of one of those 300 babies who died, and you had picked and chosen which bits of advice to follow? Would you ever forgive yourself?

I have a 5 month old. DH and I are KNACKERED. We did not even consider putting the baby in her own room just so we could get more sleep. She is far too precious for us to take even a slight risk with her safety.

At the end of the day it's your choice - its not one I would be comfortable with but make it in full possession of the facts, as others have said.

BarryNormansSofa Mon 12-Mar-12 12:28:04

Why berate a parent for not following one item of many on the list of advice in preventing cot death . There is a range of things that you can do to prevent cot death but co sharing a room is just one and is not necessarily ranked as the top thing to do.

Give the OP a break - we have all been there and perhaps she needed reassurance that other people do actually consider not sharing a room BUT take measures to ensure that the other advice is adhered to as best they can.

I think some are making too much focus on not sharing same room and forgetting other advice about SIDS.

sallymonella Mon 12-Mar-12 12:30:23

I can't remember now when we put DS1 in his own room, but with DS2 we put him in with DS1 pretty quickly.

I never knew that you were supposed to keep them in with you so that they could regulate their breathing. A couple of questions on that... 1) does that mean you have to go to bed at the same time as the baby? 2) if you live in a noisy house, would that do? Just asking because our DS's room was right next to the front door, so when anyone came to the door (or to be honest, just walked past our house) the dog would go mad, barking right outside of their door. That must have disturbed their sleep somewhat. (And as an aside, they're both brilliant sleepers now - which I've always put down to us not creeping around when they were sleeping).

CherryBlossom27 Mon 12-Mar-12 12:32:32

I'm glad this thread has appeared as I was wondering why my hv told me using a dummy at night time might reduce the risk of sids...I guess from reading here that sucking will stop the baby from dropping into too deep a sleep. I really didn't want to use a dummy, and when I looked online I couldn't find anything to say that using a dummy was proven to help reduce sids, so I haven't used a dummy.

I have had nights where I would have dearly loved to have moved DS into his own room, he is such a noisy sleeper especially when he's groaning in his sleep with wind, snoring, sucking his fist and generally tossing and turning, but its stuck in my mind that he should be in with us for 6 months so I haven't put him in his own room.

We have two lots of visitors in April, then another lot in May, so by the time its June he will be 6 months and the room will be free just in time so it works out quite well. I'm really looking forward to him sleeping in his own room as I think DH and I will sleep a million times better!

I think its up to each person to decide what to do though. My friend who is pregnant is going to have to put baby in their own room once they've outgrown the moses basket as there literally isn't enough space to put a cot in her room.

My mum put me in my own room from day one and left all the doors wide open as she couldn't sleep a wink with my heavy breathing. I'm not saying its ok, but she also smoked when pregnant with me (although she said she did cut down), and she ignored the advice then to put babies to sleep on their tummy, she didn't like the idea of me sleeping on my back either as she thought if I was sick I'd choke, so she swaddled me in a blanket and lay me on my side and put another blanket on top and that kept me in place! She did the same with my big brother too. When she had my brother they even had a smoking room for the new mums in the hospital - amazing how things change!!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Mon 12-Mar-12 12:35:48

SIDS is also not isolated to night time sleep. There have been cases in buggies and within periods of time when babies are in bed ( in whichever room) and the parents are still up. ( please don't flame I am by no means dismissing any of it! Just feel that this piece of information hasn't been mentioned yet. Disclaimer- I don't know of the statistics of this just that there are cases)

BellaCB Mon 12-Mar-12 20:27:50

Thanks BarryNorman - lucidlady, I'm sure you mean well contributing but I could really do without you essentially saying 'if your baby dies it will be your fault' hmm. As I have said myself, what I was looking for was some reassurance that other people have put their babies in their own room from quite a young age. I've read all the advice and have reached my decision, but I just wanted to know I wasn't the only one - might sound weird to you, but I quite like that reassurance.

There is so much advice out their both for babies and during pregnancy and we all make our own informed decisions at every stage: maybe to eat peanuts, or feta cheese, or have the odd glass of wine, say; whether to use Johnsons' products or just olive oil. I would imagine that most people on this thread have done something during pregnancy or do something with their baby that other posters would feel very strongly against. Discussing and debating those opinions is fine. Saying that someone chosing not to follow a particular piece of advice is going to make a baby's illness or death their fault is not really fine...

caffeine, that is a really interesting question about sleeping patterns/increased risks during other periods of babies sleep. For example, DD is sometimes in bed for a few hours before me and DP go to bed - is the advice saying that parents must be around their sleeping baby at all times?

hazeyjane Mon 12-Mar-12 20:47:42

yes, the advice is for the baby to nap and sleep in the same room as someone until they are 6 months old.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Mon 12-Mar-12 21:04:02

I can't answer that I wouldn't even know where to start. No one really truly knows what causes SIDS. They have ideas and ones that make real sense and I'm not gonna sit here and shoot down years of research and there are so many factors and possible combinations of risks that could cause it ie low birth weight, smoking, sleeping position, bedding etc and I wouldn't know where to start on getting statistics for say SIDS statistic vs infant death thru parents falling asleep whilst feeding etc . It has been correctly stated that babies can sleep too deep and forget to breathe- but then would a baby who doesn't sleep properly due to disturbance not get sooo overtired and eventually crash and sleep far deeper than they would had they been able to sleep regularly and properly. The reasons I chose to put dd1 in her own room so young were because no one was sleeping , she had out grown her basket, and I worried that her being kept awake by us was gonna get her too a point where she crashed and did fall asleep to deeply. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture after all. I was worried that me being so tired would lead to a higher risk of incident eg:- falling asleep on sofa or bed with her, and being so tired that reaction times are deminished your Brain and body just do not function properly and of course there are direct risks to that too, it's a hard decision to make and there's always new information to consider and soooo much data to wade thru. Ultimately all anyone can do us what they feel is best for their family. People will agree and people will disagree and there are valid and factual arguments to both but I don't agree with people being made to feel guilty for the choices they make it's up to the parents of the baby. And everyone's views are important to them and they will stand by their decisions like u will stand by yours and I genuinely wish you well and hope that you can find what suits you and your baby smile

RedHotPokers Mon 12-Mar-12 21:07:58

How many people really and truly are constantly in the room with their babies during every nap. Especially if its not their pfb. My ds had to have naps upstairs, as Dd kept bothering with him and almost tipping his Moses basket, or accidentally catapulting him out of hid bouncy chair.

And, my sister died of sids at 3m old, whilst out and about in her pram.

BellaCB Mon 12-Mar-12 21:22:06

Thanks for the kind words, caffeine smile. I know we all make our own decisions but it is nice to hear that someone else reached a similar decision i.e. being worried about the dangers of being so tired through the day.

I would be really interested to know how many people are in the same room as their baby for all their naps though (and not in a snarky way!). I mean, I currently am during the day as DD will only nap on me, or in her pram, as she fights daytime sleep like a demon. But for babies that do go off much more happily during the day, I wonder how many parents then stay in the same room rather than doing some housework, say, or watching TV?

mathanxiety Mon 12-Mar-12 21:22:46

I agree with Chipping and Hazeyjane here.

I wonder about your second hand crib. Is it one that is still fine to use or has it been recalled for any reason?

mathanxiety Mon 12-Mar-12 21:27:06

My DCs all slept near me during the day. I had a folding-back buggy that was as big as a large moses basket when folded back. It was handy because I could take them out for a walk and then never disturb them getting back into the house, or take them out when they wee already asleep (even carried it up stairs when I lived in a second floor flat). Or I could rock them gently if they were startled while napping.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Mon 12-Mar-12 21:27:49

I can say I didnt. Both always went upstairs be the only time I could have a cup of tea or prepare tea etc and with dd2 it was time I could spend with dd1 on her own smile i wanted them to sleep properly and not get disturbed by me tripping over a toy or the phone ringing etc and a baby that doesn't sleep properly doesn't eat properly or even grow and develope properly. Sleep is as vital to their well being as food and wAter etc some sleep thru anything others are more easily disturbed again it all comes down to your baby and what works for you smile

DialMforMummy Mon 12-Mar-12 21:30:35

BellaCB DS1 was in his own at about 3/4 months. Yes, I knew about the SIDS risks but like you and many others, it was the decision I made.
I entirely see what you mean when you feel like people are virtually saying "well, if your baby dies it will be your fault".
Do what you feel is right for you. Having your LO sleeping in her room is not neglect.

hazeyjane Mon 12-Mar-12 21:46:31

No-one is saying that if your baby dies it is your fault! You asked whether people put their babies in their own rooms, people answered, and the people that didn't put their babies in their own rooms gave the reasons why.

With dd1 she napped in the pram, which I wheeled inside or in a moses basket in the lounge, dd2 napped in the carrybag bit of the phil and teds asdid ds, and we made up a bed for him in the lounge, when he got too big for that, which we still use (he has had a few incidents where he has started choking on pooled saliva, so it is a good idea to keep him close by). I don't think the idea is that you are in the room constantly, just going about your stuff. I suppose with dd1 and 2 I didn't really think about it, it was just what we did, with ds it is a bit different.

BellaCB Mon 12-Mar-12 21:51:16

hazey - lucid pretty much did...

BellaCB Mon 12-Mar-12 22:02:45

Ah, sorry for that post - am tired and snappy, ignore me...

cerys74 Mon 12-Mar-12 22:20:32

BellaCB - I put my DS down for naps in his pram (in the dining room) during the day for the first 3-4 months and didn't sit next to him; in fact I welcomed the opportunity to go collapse on the sofa!

He also slept loads in his pram when we were out and I really don't think he could have heard my breathing unless he's got magic bat hearing. I was generally around so could check on him regularly, but he didn't have me breathing next to him IYSWIM.

mathanxiety Mon 12-Mar-12 22:26:06

With DD1 I was a bit afraid of making too much noise while she napped, but all the subsequent DCs just had to get on with it. Worst sleeper was DD3 (4th baby) who never slept really, neither in the day or the night. Once DD1 got started in school and doing various activities and I had DS and DD2, the last two (five DCs in all) really ended up doing a lot of napping in the car and slept in the removable carseat either in the car or parked out of the way downstairs or sitting watching DD1 and DS and DD2 doing skating or gymnastics or whatever else they were doing. Or in the fold-down buggy when we could get somewhere closeby. It enabled me to take the older noes to the park or the pool without disturbing the baby of the time all that much. I think it's really only with DC1 that you are concerned so much about precious sleep. I certainly got on with housework or it would all have come crashing down around my head. In the main (exception = DD3) they slept fine even with all the hubbub going on around them.

lucidlady Mon 12-Mar-12 22:48:05

Bella, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry if i upset you. I was trying to explain my thought process in deciding to keep DD in my room. It was a hypothetical you, not a BellaCB you if that makes sense... DD is teething and we've had a few disturbed nights and I'm not making sense the way I would normally expect to....

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