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my crap sleeper just got worse....can you helo with this new development??

(15 Posts)
Moulesfrites Sun 23-Oct-11 19:58:53

DS is 9mo and has never been a great sleeper - still has a minimum of 2 bfs during the night although it can often be more like 4. I have toyed with the idea of doing some kind of sleep training but have been too exhausted and feel instinctively against cc (although I would never say never, especially as I am going back to work full time in 2 months!).

Anyway, our most recent barrier to sleep (following teething, colds etc) is that ds has learned how to go from lying to sitting - he has already woken twice this evening crying and I went in and he was siting up, rubbing his eyes and looking very bemused. I just tend to lie him down and shush him til he goes back off, but last night at 3.30 this didn't work - he just kept getting back up again and again until I caved in and brought him into our bed. I always feel like I have failed when I do this but it is happening more and more often - any advice??

Moulesfrites Sun 23-Oct-11 20:15:20

*help

MadameJ Sun 23-Oct-11 20:20:45

I had to check the name several times just to check I hadn't written this post!!
Absolutely no advice but lots of sympathy as my DD is exactly the same except in one week she has learnt to sit up from lying down and also stand in her cot so as you can imagine sleep is not really happening in this house!! I also go back to work next month so it gets better and better sad
I will be watching and hoping for a magical cure x

Moulesfrites Sun 23-Oct-11 20:36:42

sympathies Madam J - I fear that the standing will come soon too - he pulls himself up to his knees but not managed to stand yet!

MadameJ Sun 23-Oct-11 20:41:26

Maybe once they both realise its not that exciting anymore, they will stop doing the acrobatics and sleep all night not bloody likely hmm

Wigeon Sun 23-Oct-11 20:44:29

Why do you feel like a failure when he ends up in your bed?

My DD1 wasn't a great sleeper when she was under a year and we spent hours trying to get her to stay in her Moses or cot. She would end up in our bed and I felt a bit like I was creating a rod for my own back etc etc (even though I am more on the attachment parenting end of the spectrum for babies). And started some gentle sleep training which didn't "work" for months and months. DH and I both feel that she just slept well when she was ready and there wasn't much we could do about it (we were doing everything "right" in terms of naps, bedtime routines etc etc). She is now 3 and an excellent sleeper btw.

Anyway, roll on DD2 (5 months old) and we have just decided to do whatever helps her sleep. So if she is awake at 3am and refusing to go back in her cot we are just having her (safely) in our bed straight away rather than faffing about rocking / shushing her for ages. And everyone goes back to sleep. So for example, last week she was in our bed quite a bit. This week hardly at all.

So so far I don't feel that we are spoiling her or creating a rod etc and it's just that sometimes she needs to be near us. Obviously I might be hugely regretting this in a year's time, but at the moment I think it's the right thing for us.

Moulesfrites Mon 24-Oct-11 13:41:55

Thanks wigeon, I know I shouldn't feel bad about it.

Had to abandon the morning nap today as he just kept getting up even though he was so tired, ended up going out and he slept in the car. What do I do? My mum says just to leave him and he will lie down and go to sleep hmm

VFVF Mon 24-Oct-11 18:16:12

Sorry you're having troubles. I think unfortunately you may have to lower your expectations (very hard, I know!)

My DD was always a fairly rubbish sleeper, she was still having night feeds at that age. All of a sudden at 16 months she decided to sleep through, and has done it ever since grin (barring the odd cold) I know how you feel, it's awful that you just want them to sleep, and I've done my fair share of 2am car journeys to get her to settle.

How long does it take to settle your DS? Perhaps I was lazy, it was always quicker to feed DD that to try and train her! I also had pressure from family about what a terrible sleeper she was. My DM was very proud of the fact that my DB and I slept all night from very early on, she conveniently forgets about the hefty dose of Vallergan we got on a regular basis hmm

Moulesfrites Tue 25-Oct-11 12:45:48

Thanks Vfvf, it's just I already feel my expectations are quite low when a good night is him only waking twice! And other people's expectations are much higher - people are aghast that he isn't sleeping through yet!

nethunsreject Tue 25-Oct-11 12:52:31

Oh PLEASE do not feel like this is some kind of indicator of how 'good' a parent you are!

I have 2 dses. Ds1 slept all night from about 6 mths. Almost always. I can count on on hand the number of night wakings he had after that. I was a smug cow.

Then ds2 arrived. He is17 mths and 4 wakings would be a fantastic night for us!

Remember -people lie/forget about the nights. My mum and mil go on about how we slept so well, etc, etc, but both were given knock out drops for us at 6 wks!

It is tiring - I co sleep, which I never even considered with ds1 so it maximises rest for me. It WILL be over and in the not too distant future. Get what rest you can when you can.

It is entirely natural and normal for infants and young kids to need their parents at night. Our bodies are still under the impression that we are living in the open air and they are very vulnerable, so they NEED to have us nearby and responsive so they don't get eaten by wolves. grin

Moulesfrites Tue 25-Oct-11 20:40:18

Thank you nethunsreject, another reassuring post!

I suppose I should take something from the fact that no one has told me what to do about the sitting/pulling up, but only to accept my ds's rubbish lseep and hope it will get better in time!

ximenasp Tue 25-Oct-11 20:57:21

i love all of you guys. i came here with the intention to find solutions to my terrible nights with my 9MO. but now i feel comforted and accompained by you. i never planned to co-sleep but I dont have any other option. my dear mulesfrites and madameJ, please feel free to join me anytime to bitch about sore necks, tears and prayers for miracles.

Wigeon Tue 25-Oct-11 21:17:44

More sympathy. You have some lucky friends if they are aghast that he isn't sleeping through at 9 months. Or maybe they aren't parents?!

Twice a night waking isn't wonderful (for you!) but it's really really not that unusual. If you hang out on these boards you'll see lots of similar stories! As I've said, my DD certainly wasn't sleeping all night every night then.

On the co-sleeping - it's not necessarily a choice between 100% co-sleeping or 100% not. At the moment DD2 sleeps in her cot when we can get her to, and when she won't settle we don't beat ourselves up about it (and spend hours trying to get her to), we just co-sleep. I do sleep better when she's in her cot, but I definitely prefer co-sleeping to desperate and failed attempts to force her to sleep in her cot when she clearly doesn't want to.

On the morning nap - I would be hmm at your mum too! Pushing him round in the pushchair might work? Or just cuddling to sleep if he's clearly tired as you've said?

No brilliant words of wisdom on the getting up, although if it's a new skill then I would really hope that it's just a phase (a cliche, but a cliche for a reason!)...

Sounds like you might like the No Cry Sleep Solution which is "gentle ways to get your baby to sleep" and good if you instinctively feel that controlled crying etc is not for you or your baby. If nothing else, it makes you feel you are actually doing something, even if it's not a magic bullet!

harverina Tue 25-Oct-11 22:43:11

When my DD was around 9 months old I came on here looking for solutions to her sleep - or lack of it. this thread gives some fantastic advice...particularly the advice from angeldog.

We tried controlled crying for all of 27 minutes and it just was not for me either. My DD is now 18 months and even now I couldnt do it. In the end I found it easier just to breastfeed my DD. We both got more sleep by doing this. Its so hard getting little sleep, I remember feeling desperate for a solution. Sorting out naps during the day helped us out, as did using the Pantley pull off method.

naturalbaby Wed 26-Oct-11 13:49:12

my ds is 9months soon and exactly the same. he was a great sleeper till 6months, in a great routine but now he can stand so every time he stirs at night he stands up! big brother was the same and we had to get up at least once every night to lay him down till he was 12months. i've been trying to teach baby to lay himself back down and he is starting to go down as i touch him so i think he's getting the idea!

he also eats like a horse all day and has a dream feed and a massive feed at 5am, sometimes earlier. i keep reading how they should be able to go 7-7 without food/drink and my older 2 did at this age but he is so mobile i'm guessing he's just really, really hungry. his weight was fine at the last weigh clinic so he's obviously getting what he needs.

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