1 year old wont sleep in his cot / will only co sleep / never settles himself

[Alicaldwell]

Hi! I have a few issues which which my husband and I need help on before our little girl arrives in the world next year! (i think we need a full time sleep consultant!)

Firstly my son who just turned a year hates his cot. We have been traveling extensively as he has had multiple surgeries in the UK (we live in Dubai) and when we were home I think he slept in 10 different places in 7 weeks; as you can imagine very hard to get routine and stability so we decided to wait until we were back home in Dubai to get decent routine. Now we have been back 3 weeks and planned to start controlled crying (which we hate the thought of after everything he has been through, my husband more than me!) but the first night we tried he somehow launched himself out of his cot and landed on hard floor - since then when he is asleep i can get him in there but when he wakes and realises a few hours in he is inconsolable, he just hates it. It doesn't help that he is going through his very clingy stage. He co-shared a lot when we were traveling so now he wants it and will only settle in our bed with one of us next to him unless he falls asleep on his last bottle. He is also poorly at the moment which isn't helping (chest infection). My husband and I realise we need some normality - we do get sleep when he co-shares - not great but ok but i would love to get him in his cot and settling and sleeping through or if he wakes he will settle himself. Where do I start??? He even screams as we walk towards his nursery!

[RaisingMrC]

Hi, it sounds really exhausting for you.

It sounds like your DS is going through a lot at the moment. I think its great to have a goal of sleeping in his cot and settling himself, but I think you might have to go gently on him for a while - you've said he's unwell at the mo, going through seperation anxiety and unsettled from operations and moving around a lot.

Now that you're back home how about just trying to get some consistency for a while so he knows where he is at - eg you could do bedtime routine, and set bedtime every night. I would suggest co-sleeping/sharing for a while just to maximise sleep for you, and once he is fit and well, well rested, settled with his bedtime routine, you could start some sleep training.

You don't have to do controlled crying...there is also gradual retreat (where you reduce the amount of help over time until they are falling asleep on their own without you in the room) and some baby whisperer stuff which I don't know about but you could google it.

I think the NoCry Sleep solution book also suggests putting them in their cot awake in the day and playing / singing etc so that they realise the cot is not a bad place! Might be worth a try?