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Co-sleeping advice please for wrestling/biting 16m.o..

(26 Posts)
mammainlove Sun 16-Oct-11 22:01:22

I LOVE co-sleeping with her it feels right and i've got a feeling dd will hate being alone in a cot after snuggling with me all her life. I used to just feed her to sleep but now she's still awake after feeding and when my partner or i lie next to her to try comfort her to sleep she wrestles and bites, which she does affectionately but gets very hyper and it takes up to an hour of struggling with her until she finally passes out on us. This is exasperating especially now i'm 7wks pregnant. She also wakes up for feeds every 2/3hrs. If i try not feeding her she cries and is awake for 2hrs. If we leave the room when she wrestles and bites she stands at the door sobbing. She is generally a very happy,placid baby. I would never leave her to cry. I just need some advice on how to tackle this, please.

Abra1d Sun 16-Oct-11 22:05:36

I think you should put her first in her own cot in your room and then gradually move the cot into another room. Foot by foot if necessary.
She doesn't need feeding at nights now.

If you are pregnant it is important to get a good night's sleep. For your sake and the new baby's.

FunnysInTheGarden Sun 16-Oct-11 22:07:25

sounds like she is starting to have tantrums. DS2 is 20 months and is full on with this. I think you will struggle to continue to co sleep until she gets over this phase, but if you want to continue I think you will have to put up with it.

I have no advice on CS as we put DS2 (and 1 come to that) in their own rooms straight away.

FunnysInTheGarden Sun 16-Oct-11 22:09:54

so just to clarify, you are in bed, she wrestles and bites and you leave the room? That is on it's head. It's your bed and your nights sleep too. Perhaps you have to be a bit firmer with her?
Incidentally, when DS2 comes along you will have no option but to leave her to cry.

RitaMorgan Sun 16-Oct-11 22:12:38

I did this with my ds when he was a little younger (slightly different circumstances but hopefully will still work) - Every time she tries to stand up or mess around, just lie her down with no eye contact or discussion - maybe rub her back while she's lying down. Keep going until she gives up and goes to sleep. It might take an hour of crying and lying her back down 100 times the first night but it should get shorter each night until she just lies down and goes to sleep. Now that feeding to sleep isn't working anymore she just needs to learn to fall asleep without it.

mammainlove Sun 16-Oct-11 22:19:06

Thank you. DD has always done this if we lie next to her to get her to sleep, from 8m.o. We have just mainly got her to sleep by rocking or feeding. Yes we all share a bed, matress on floor, dd has cot mattress joined on. Sorry, what do you mean by 'that is on it's head' Funny's?

FunnysInTheGarden Sun 16-Oct-11 22:22:35

I mean that she is dictating how and when you sleep in your own bed. That to me is on it's head. OK you may have to get up to your DC if they are crying at night, but to leave the room because she won't settle is just nonsense. If you can't have some space and a decent nights sleep, how do you function the next day?

mammainlove Sun 16-Oct-11 22:25:20

Thank you Rita. I do keep lying her back down, she just gets more and more upset as she hates it, this is what the wrestling's about. I guess i havnt stuck to it though as i just try ignoring her or rubbing, singing to her etc. Maybe i will be more persistant with that tmrw..

mammainlove Sun 16-Oct-11 22:28:22

Ah i see what you mean Funny's. I meant i leave the room before we come to bed for a minute when she bites. I do struggle functioning by waking up to feed so much in the night though.

RitaMorgan Sun 16-Oct-11 22:28:59

Yeah, I think you do have to be really persistent and ignore the upset to an extent - the way I saw it was, he needs to sleep, nothing bad is happening to him, and I'm right there. It did take about an hour the first night until he stopped fighting me, and then I just sat with my hand on his back until he was asleep.

mammainlove Mon 17-Oct-11 23:06:44

Ok Rita i've tried your suggestion. The problem is dd is really tall and heavy so i struggle to keep picking her up, lying her down, often bending her leg etc. After 3O attempts she is loving it, totally hyped up and i am in tears for ages whilst she's laughing hysterically. She only falls to sleep lying on top of me, which i wouldnt mind if it didnt take an hour and involve biting and general hyped up behaviour. I dont know what to do next sad

birdofthenorth Mon 17-Oct-11 23:29:11

When my DD did this we moved to own cot, own room. The biting/wrestling was incredibly infuriating and I couldn't take it, plus I reasoned it was no good for her to be getting no sleep either. It was tough for the first few nights but she quickly slept all the way through from 8 til 7:30. Sometimes she wakes once but generally she needs no night feeds or attention. I think at 16 months your situation isn't working for either of you & it's time to take a deep breath and move on. Honestly was the best thing for us (and now I'm pg again there's no way I'd sacrifice my sleep voluntarily!!)

mammainlove Mon 17-Oct-11 23:46:16

Thx birdofthenorth I think i'm just too soft/over-sensitive. I get really upset when thinking of putting her in a cot with bars etc. I just cant imagine her liking it. We are so close and spend most of the day and night cuddling! But the idea of dd sleeping through sounds like a blissful fantasy!

mammainlove Mon 17-Oct-11 23:46:38

Thx birdofthenorth I think i'm just too soft/over-sensitive. I get really upset when thinking of putting her in a cot with bars etc. I just cant imagine her liking it. We are so close and spend most of the day and night cuddling! But the idea of dd sleeping through sounds like a blissful fantasy!

mammainlove Mon 17-Oct-11 23:49:42

Where in the north are you by the way? Looking for mums to meet up in Yorkshire x

birdofthenorth Tue 18-Oct-11 13:56:06

I'm in Manchester but try the Mumsnet Local pages, or NCT or Netmums for someone nearer you!

I know exactly how you feel, I felt it was AWFUL to put DD in her cot, and that I'd been pressured into it by various relatives... but actually it HAS sorted her sleep out and I really feel we did the right thing. The wrestling was awful, totally been there with the her-laughing-you-crying! No good for either of you.

I still bring her into our bed for 15 minutes cuddling in the morning (and cuddle all day!)

Just on a practical note you will probably find it easier to phase out co-sleeping a decent spell before DC2 arrives otherwise your DD might associate the birth of DC2 with being chucked out of mum and dad's bed!

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Tue 18-Oct-11 19:02:12

We cosleep and I put DS (10 months) to sleep in our bed. I don't bother trying to lie him down because it just creates a battle. He feeds, then he crawls around the bed and stands up against the headboard, then feeds then off again then feeds then falls asleep. It all only takes about 15 mins if he is tired and I find it far quicker than if I try to fight. I keep the radio on low so I don't get bored, and whip my iPhone out when he can't see. He comes back quicker if I just leave him to it I find. I just stop him if he is doing something dangerous or damaging (including pulling my hair etc). Would that work for you? If she can get off the bed maybe you could close the door and have the room quite babyproofed?

FunnysInTheGarden Tue 18-Oct-11 22:32:09

really though? A cot is so much less hassle, and not at all like a prison. Just somewhere safe for them to sleep while you get a good night too.

MamaMaiasaura Tue 18-Oct-11 22:36:58

I'm due any day now and still cosleeping with ds2 3.9y and also nurses to sleep. Got cot set up next to bed for baby.

mammainlove Wed 19-Oct-11 21:00:44

Wow thanks ladies for all your support. Birdofthenorth Im really considering getting the cot back, your experience sounds r really positive. Awen I WISH I had the patience to b.f. and co sleep for this long.

mammainlove Wed 19-Oct-11 22:20:28

Ok, this can't carry on. it s making the whole family suffer, arguing, I feel very ill and constantly knackered to the point where I cant function properly and im an angry depressed mum and partner. I was up last night for hours, currently my dp is lying with her after me b.fing her for half an hour after his attempt to get her to sleep in a sling round the block. It is all just so messy! Please can someone reassure me that she will learn to fall asleep by herself in her cot if we use a gradual no-cry sleep method, and it wont take too long.

FunnysInTheGarden Thu 20-Oct-11 10:24:12

mamma she will, and soon enough will no doubt really like her cot. Both DS's loved their cots and would play in them for ages even if not sleeping. It really will be worth it though as you sound exhausted.

mammainlove Thu 20-Oct-11 13:07:34

Thank you Funny, thats really great to read xx

FunnysInTheGarden Thu 20-Oct-11 21:21:03

hope you get it sorted soon mamma as being dog tired, pregnant and having a toddler is no fun at all.

goodname Tue 25-Oct-11 15:26:27

Mama sorry just stumbled onto this thread and am in a very similar situation (17 months old co sleeping and 12 weeks pregnant).
Just a thought which could help. You said she used to feed to sleep and now wont. Could this be because your milk has reduced a lot from being pregnant. This is what happened to me and now I bf then DH takes him to bed with a bottle and he has started sleeping much better, I think he was actually just hungry/thirsty.

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