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Do you wait until they cry before you respond to them at night?

(18 Posts)
sillysleeper Wed 12-Oct-11 01:53:13

Basically this question. I have no idea what is usually done by parents of babies and am to embarrassed to ask anyone in real life.

My DS is 3 months old and ever since he was a newborn I have gotten up to feed him or settle him when he rouses and starts tossing and turning. This used to be 3-4 times a night over a 10 - 12 hour period. Now he sleeps the first five hours and then he tosses and turns (sometime half asleep, sometimes awake) and I respond to him every hour after that. I cant help myself!

My DH and I have already decided it cant go on and we will now start putting him in his own room. But when he is in there do I go in to check on him or do I just leave him there until he cries?

(BTW he has never cried at night as I have always pre-empted this, I think I have a fear of him crying at night and being unable to settle him back to sleep).

BluddyMoFo Wed 12-Oct-11 01:57:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo Wed 12-Oct-11 01:59:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sillysleeper Wed 12-Oct-11 02:09:39

Have always had white noise on in the room to dull all other noises so will keep doing that. I will keep checking on him (cant help myself) but do you usually wait until baby cries before responding to them??

StepfordWannabe Wed 12-Oct-11 02:41:05

You and your baby are probably disturbing each other at this stage - you have developed "mammy hearing" which means you hear every toss, turn and whimper and then have to check to see if he is alright. Sleep follows a pattern of deep and light sleep periods, and movement and noise are normal features of these periods. During the light sleep periods, movement and noise are more frequent - if you disturb your child during these periods, you'll actually wake him up and may prevent him from progressing back into a deep sleep.

Basically - unless baby cries, leave well enough alone!! (Bar something very weird obviously...)

alarkaspree Wed 12-Oct-11 04:02:26

Wait until he cries, definitely. Everyone goes through restless periods of sleep, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to wake up at all.

When dd was a very small baby I always had to go to the loo when she woke up before I fed her in the night - at least half the time she went back to sleep again by the time I had finished weeing.

sillysleeper Wed 12-Oct-11 07:51:34

Thanks I will try this then. Am a bit stressed about it as I worry that he will cry and take awhile to settle but on the other hand I cant keep responding to him while he is half asleep as I dont get much sleep!

Mimmee Wed 12-Oct-11 11:40:25

Definately wait a few minutes and see if he settles. I sometimes peer round the door to DD's room and just watch. You'll soon be able to tell whether its just stirring or if he really needs you. I do think its really important that they learn to self settle.

notveryinventive Wed 12-Oct-11 23:27:56

OP Im the same, thought not with EVERY move. My DD2 is only 3 weeks old so nowhere near sleeping through or the own room, but I too get up before the actual crying begins just the stirring. Im more bothered about waking DH and dealing with his grumpyness too. (I did try sleeping downstairs, but saw the biggest spider ever and the cat wakes me up too much to so now refuse). With reading this thread Im now wondering how long she will go through the night as she doesnt exactly wake up cos I get there first, but not ready to try this yet.

MilyP Thu 13-Oct-11 00:03:30

My DD is 12wks old and she sometimes tosses and turns a lot. I look to see if she is awake but she usually isn't so I leave her. She has never once woken up crying despite being left. She usually only tosses and turns a little before settling again. If she is a lot more unsettled for a long time then I see if she has pooed. No one wants to sleep in a big poo!

sillysleeper Thu 13-Oct-11 07:21:38

Well thought I would update. Put him in his own room which is right next to ours.

Put him down 7.30. He slept soundly until around 10.30 when he started tossing and turning in his cot half asleep, he even let out a couple of cries, but I just watched and he went back into a deep sleep himself about 10 mins later.

Then at around 12.40 he woke up, eyes open, tossing and turning, so even though he hadnt cried I fed him anyway as I thought it had been awhile since he'd fed so him would probably be hungry.

I went to sleep around 3.30am, finding it hard to sleep myself. Hopefully I do better tonight.

Anyway at 5am he woke me up, tossing and turning and with a couple of loud cries so I went into him and he was awake, so I fed him in the bed next to his cot and we both went back to sleep there until just before 8 when he woke me.

So even though I still didnt get much sleep, I am hopeful that things will should improve, Basically it has been me that has been disturbing his sleep.

GetDerridaThePeskyLurkers Thu 13-Oct-11 07:30:16

For 3 months this sounds very normal.

I used to co sleep and responded as soon as there was more than a tiny wriggle.

You can sometimes see them put their hand up to their mouth if they are hungry, or root around.

Your responses last night sound perfect, spot on. Well done

sprinkles77 Thu 13-Oct-11 07:35:39

I agree with previous posters. It sounds like last night was an improvement. He is still clearly hungry though if he takes a feed in the night so you are doing the right thing feeding him. When DS was the same age as yours we gave him a feed of hungry baby formula at 10.30. If he woke again before 630 he got water. We also cluster fed through the early evening (feeds at 230pm, 4.30 pm and 630 pm) to fill his tummy and keep his digestion busy for as long as possible. He was soon sleeping through from 1030 til 7. HTH

GetDerridaThePeskyLurkers Thu 13-Oct-11 07:39:24

I don't agree with giving water. I don't think it's fair. But're doing well smile

scrivette Thu 13-Oct-11 09:10:44

You weren't alone doing this, until I read your post last night i had been getting up to shhh/pat DS in the night when he stirred. I didn't do that last night and he went back to sleep without me, I had also been disturbing him, like you, I didnt want him to wake in the night and cry so much I couldn't resettle him.

sillysleeper Thu 13-Oct-11 14:23:31

Getting him to sleep through the whole night was never going to happen with him! I crossed that off the to-do list long ago....he is ebf and feds every 2 hours or so during the day so he is definitely hungry during the night and needs to be be fed.

Hopefully when he starts solids he will start sleeping for longer stretches. As it is Im hoping for 2-4 wakings each night, with a quick re-settle back to sleep each time.

GetDerridaThePeskyLurkers Thu 13-Oct-11 19:31:44

You are doing BRILL smile

I did the same, no unrealistic expectations, mine slept pretty well (apart from the inevitable wriggling/kicking as in the same bed!) and fed on demand through the night for quite some time.

It is so refreshing to see someone not wishing for the mythical all night sleep which I only recently got, mine are 4 and 8 grin

GetDerridaThePeskyLurkers Thu 13-Oct-11 19:32:54

I mean, ahem, I'm sure it can happen much sooner! But no point fretting about it, they take their own time.

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