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hand holding thread for those sorting sleep issues - anyone want to join?

(23 Posts)
roundabout1 Tue 04-Oct-11 16:06:46

My dd2 is 15 mths & has never slept that well at night. She bfeeds & uses me as a dummy & always ends up in bed with us & I have resorted to feeding to sleep. I'm fed up now, want a nights sleep without getting kicked or scratched in the face by a restless little one. Desperately would like a bit of me time too so I've decided friday is d day. Am going to put dd1 to bed in my bed with dp (they will be sharing a room) & I will join dd2 in their room trying to get her to sleep in her cot. Am well aware it will take some time & expect lots of crying. I'd decided on friday as dp will hopefully be able to help at the wkend giving me a bit of a break. Just started with a cold though so will probably see how i feel.Anyone in a similar position care to join me?

BenRoo Tue 04-Oct-11 19:21:39

I'll hold your hand.
DS 11 months old has never slept for more than 3-4 hours,once or twice 6-7 hours from 1st settling but that's it.
We've tried:
Dummy ~ didn't take to it,would rather use me,although I'm kinda glad as that would just be something else to contend with later on!
White noise
NCSS (but obviously didn't persist)
DH settling
Gradual withdrawal
Sleeping in his room (on the floor!)
Gro bag
You name it,we've tried it!
I now feed him to sleep and co-sleep after 1st waking but he fidgets terribly!
I think it's just the way it is for us now,especially after reading similar stories from people such as yourself with older LO's.
Although I wouldn't start it if your poorly as speaking from a recent torturous 3 weeks of illness it won't do any of you any good!
But i do wish you every luck this weekend roundabout smile

Threaders Wed 05-Oct-11 10:13:22

I'm with you. Currently going through a hellish time with my 14mo DD. Next step for us is to try cranial osteopathy, as nothing else seems to work for her. It's no consolation, but it's comforting to know we aren't the only ones awake when the rest of the country seems to be peacefully asleep.....

roundabout1 Thu 06-Oct-11 13:21:45

Thanks ladies, not sure if tomorrow will be the day or not, I've got a cold so might leave it just in case dd gets it. I wouldn;t mind co-sleeping if I got much sleep but after 15 mths of being awake every couple of hours I'm getting a bit fed up. Not sure how long I'll be able to stick it out though but will give it a try. I remember trying with dd1 & giving up after two nights then trying 6 wks later & it being so much easier so have been telling myself that dd2 will get there when she's ready. Just hope it's sooner than later!!

thefatladyscreams Thu 06-Oct-11 18:22:00

Can I join please? DS has just turned a year and I'm determined to improve his sleeping pattern. Trying to decide between No Cry Sleep Solution or Baby Whisperer but too knackered to take in anything I read! Hope the cold clears up soon roundabout.

babyrose Thu 06-Oct-11 20:57:36

i know how you feel! A is 16 months and we are currently doing GW with baby whisperer. so far he goes to sleep by himself with me standing a the door, but when it comes to the middle of the night i bring him in beside us.

RubyrooUK Thu 06-Oct-11 21:14:35

I'm in! DS is nearly 14 months.

DS achievements:
1. I have never let parents have more than 2.5hrs sleep in one go since birth.
2. I have never taken a bottle - will wait all day while mum works full-time (and nights out too) for breastfeed rather than take a bottle.
3. I like to vomit in fury down babysitting gran rather than go to bed without mum. Then my parents think I might be sick, get anxious and come home.
4. During the night, if my mum tries to get out of breastfeeding me, I scream hysterically as my dad cuddles and sings to me. Until morning if that's what it takes for her to stop being selfish.
5. I rule my parents bed. If my mum turns over to deny me easy access to her boobs, I hit her back till she turns over.
6. Both my parents have fallen out of bed painfully as I have to ensure myself maximum space. And I like to sleep horizontally, so there.
7. I haven't ever slept in my cot. What a waste of money that was for my parents.

...and that's only the achievements I can remember. I'm going to be here supporting you all and working out if I can steel myself to deal with my child and his terrible sleeping....

BenRoo Thu 06-Oct-11 21:36:34

Lol @ RubyRoo
I can totally relate to 2,4,5 & 6 wink

roundabout1 Thu 06-Oct-11 21:44:41

Yay - glad to see more of you on board. Not pleased that you are all suffering sleep deprivation but it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone!

Ruby Roo - your ds sounds like my dd - why can't they sleep vertically??? Think I cursed the cot by investing in an expensive mattress - what a waste - so far!

roundabout1 Fri 14-Oct-11 10:08:39

Well started the sleep thing on sat night, dd2 has been in her own cot since then & I've been sleeping on a camp bed right nxt to the cot. She still wakes frequently but will settle quickly now as long as she sees I'm there with just whinging rather than crying. Don't quite know what to do regards night time bfeeds, at the mo I feed her til she's sleepy in the evening if she wakes & then put her into her cot sleepy but awake. In the night I'm trying to limit the amount of bfeeds, last night she went from 11.30 - 5.30 without a feed although she woke 3 times during that time she didn;t get out of the cot. So still knackered & ache from an uncomfy bed but haven't been feeding all night or getting kicked & punched in the face in bed which is a change!

Trillian42 Fri 14-Oct-11 11:05:16

I missed this thread last week but with perfect timing, I can give a little light at the end of the tunnel! DD is 16 mths and sounds a little like RubyrooUK's DS - except we've NEVER gone out for a night since she was born blush. We also managed to get her to start the night in a cot a few months back.

But the good news - we're now on day 3 of DH settling her in the cot during the night, so BFed to sleep, transferred to cot, then DH takes over until 6am with shush patting, picking up & putting down. The first night she was up for 2.5 hrs - not sobbing hysterically the whole time but not impressed either and still crying, the second night it was less - crying for 10 mins and maybe an hour before she slept and then last night he said he just had to pick her up a couple of times and put her back down and all was ok. He's staying in the room with her though so we will have to tackle that next. I then BF in the morning, but the aim of this all is to wean.

I read so many people's advice before for months saying that it's not that bad once you bite the bullet and do it and that they adapt quickly, but I always thought that DD was different. We have tried before but never consistently carrying through past a couple of nights. I don't know if it's because she's older now or that we just didn't keep trying for long enough but it would seem like there is light at the end of the tunnel (fingers crossed and hopes this isn't jinxing it!)

roundabout1 Fri 14-Oct-11 13:15:33

Trillian - well done you & your dh - he sounds like a star. I wish I could rely on my dp to help at night but unfortunately he's pretty useless & not very consistent & so can just about be trusted to look after 6 yr old dd1 at the moment while I sort out dd2! Night weaning is my biggest problem, at the moment I sit &read a book, reassure dd2 & pat her back if she's upset (normally she isn;t)but avoid eye contact. Until now she has always screamed for hours whatever we do but now she does seem to be coping so far, although removing bfeeds completely may be a big obstacle. I'm going to take it really slowly as I think I need to build dd2's trust & confidence to be alone at night so am prepared for it to take ages, just need to bite the bullet limiting/removing night feeds.

Trillian42 Fri 14-Oct-11 14:02:44

Thanks roundabout1 - DH is being great. He did point out though today when I was thanking him that I've been doing it for 16mths so 3 nights isn't a big deal grin
I should have said he has a bottle for DD in case she is genuinely hungry but she only took a few sips the first 2 nights and nothing at all last night. We were 99% sure it was comfort not hunger, but still wanted to be certain. I'm going to have to take over tonight as he's dead on his feet and I'm dreading it. It's easy for her not to expect to be fed when it's DH - with me it might be different. Plus I'm afraid I'll cave and feed her. Must. Be. Strong. hmm

Good luck!

roundabout1 Fri 14-Oct-11 14:42:26

good luck for tonight - i think withholding breastmilk seems so harsh, somehow feels even worse when its for comfort than if its for hunger although it makes me sound very cruel saying that! I'm trying limiting the feeds more tonight too so lets try & stay strong together!!

RubyrooUK Fri 14-Oct-11 21:44:43

Well, we resolved not to feed DS (except my bottle) between 12-3am. Three hours. Hardly forever. The plan was to extend the time as we went on.

For the seven nights we tried, whenever DS woke up, his dad got up with him and he simply screamed until 3am. We never got past that. If DS woke up at 12am, it was 3 hours of hysterical screaming followed by sobbing in his sleep for the rest of the night. I didn't sleep because he was going so crazy and even hitting out at his dad.

Nursery said that he was tired and slightly out of sorts for that week. Not his usual happy, happy self. He was super, super clingy in the evenings with me. He didn't get the message and sleep better; he just spent all day feeling rubbish.

So we stopped a few nights ago and fed on demand again and he's been waking up as usual but back to his normal cheery daytime personality.

I know you have to be consistent with sleep training but I also think if something isn't improving at all after 7 days and your child is miserable, you're doing it wrong for that particular kid.

So now his dad is just going to get up early and give him a cup of milk when he wakes up at 6am-ish and see if we can cut out that feed first as he has breakfast soon after....

....wish me luck......<yawns>

RubyrooUK Fri 14-Oct-11 21:45:53

Sorry, last post should read "by bottle". Which he has never taken anyway. DH can't even get it near his mouth!!

roundabout1 Fri 14-Oct-11 22:24:57

RubyRoo - Oh I agree with you, I tried with dd2 briefly a couple of months ago & she was so clingy to me during the day I'd seemed to have lost her trust it made me feel awful. This time this way seems much better but very very slow progress. So far she's happy during the day but if that changed |I'd defintely rethink no matter how fed up I was of it.

thousandDenier Sat 15-Oct-11 08:59:54

I'm in. DS is 2.4 and hasn't ever really slept for more than four hours at a time. #2 is on the way and we need to do something to improve the situation, although it feels like we've tried everything already.

NCSS, CC, none of it has worked so far, and we were hardcore about CC. Turns out he is more hardcore than us.

Current problem is pulling at his nappy in his sleep so it doesn't hold the night wee in resulting in a change of bedding at around 2am every night. FFS. We then get hourly wake-ups until 6am confused

So it seems he can function quite happily on 8 hrs sleep in 24hrs. I'm going to put him to bed an hour later and try and do a 'dream wee' on the potty a couple of hours later.

Good luck anyone trying a new approach tonight.

<manly backslaps and coffee all round>

BenRoo Sat 15-Oct-11 09:57:22

2.4???? I feel your pain sister!

My night went something like this...
6.30 unintentionally settled by boob (i was attempting a quick feed before bath,bed etc)
8pm wakes, nappy changed by DH as hadn't been changed since 3pm at nursery,settled
9pm wakes and settled by DH
10pm wakes and settled by DH
11.30pm wakes and settled by DH
2.15am wakes and brought into bed by me
fed,fidgets until 2.45am
2.46am I take into his room put him in his cot shush patting and chanting 'this too shall pass' in my head
3.15 (I estimate) DS settles and I fall sleep ON THE FLOOR blush
5.15 I creep back to bed
5.40 bloody cat starts scratching at various bits of furniture
5.42 after a dig in the ribs DH gets up and let's cat out
5.50 DS wakes & DH brings into bed with us where I feed him and we all doze until 7am

<accepts coffee and puts the kettle on>

RubyrooUK Sat 15-Oct-11 10:26:36

This thread is already making me feel better - especially thousanddenier. Not because I am happy you have a 2.4yr old who won't sleep but because it is not just my child who is more stubborn than me.

Respect to everyone here for merely being alive.

roundabout1 Sat 15-Oct-11 14:16:58

Well - positives - dd2 slept from 7.45 - 9.30, then quick bfeed slept til 12.15, another bfeed then she slept til 6.45 - this must be the best night I've had since before she was born
only negative is my back & knees are killing me from sleeping on a crap bed rather than my own so really hope improvement continues!

Good luck tonight everyone

roundabout1 Mon 17-Oct-11 20:08:24

Oh crap just new by posting some good news it would go downhill! dd has had a cold since sat & sleeping gone back to normal again! Oh well at least I know she can do it now.

beela Tue 18-Oct-11 08:49:51

Hello ladies,

I might need to join you, except I have no strategy to deal with our sleep issues so don't know if I can be included in 'those sorting sleep issues'! But I would like a good old whinge with some people who understand....

DS is 12 mo. He has never been a great sleeper, except for 4 glorious weeks between 3-4 months when he consistently went through from 7pm until 5 or 6am, and I have been hanging around on this board on and off for far too long. He occasionally has a good night (or even 2 or 3 in a row) when he just wakes once, but usually it's 2-3 times.

Without going into the whole sorry tale, he now self-settles beautifully at bedtime and for naps. We night weaned him at 9 months so he knows there is no boob when he wakes at nighttime, and he eats like a horse in the daytime so I'm pretty sure he isn't hungry when he wakes. But he continues to wake up every 3-4 hours, sometimes needs a cuddle, sometimes just has a grizzle and puts himself back to sleep, sometimes (like last night) screams for almost 2 hours.

We have tried (in various combinations, but always for a few days before giving up):
earlier bedtimes
later bedtimes
shorter naps
longer naps
calpol when teething suspected
main meal at lunchtime
main meal in evening
lots of daylight in the afternoon
lots of stimulation
less stimulation
loads of exercise
early nights for us

The last one has been a particular failure of late, as DS has taken to waking up at around 10pm, so if we've gone to bed and just drifted off we get woken, or if we've not gone to bed then we don't get to bed until nearer 11pm.

Last night was particularly bad, DS woke at 10.10pm and wouldn't go back to sleep until 12.10pm. Then he woke again at 3.30, then again at 4.30, came into our bed and jumped around for 30 mins, at which point (5am) DP took him downstairs and he slept on the sofa until 7 (DS did, DP did not).

Anyway, I'm all out of ideas now. And very tired!

Sorry, that's long, just needed to share grin. It's good to know we are not alone.

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