Need advice on controlled crying...long sorry(6 Posts)
Before anyone pounces on me, I am not making this decision lightly. DS is 6.5 months old and hardly naps during the day, taking just 30 min naps 2 sometimes 3 times a day. He is incredibly difficult to settle, needs a dummy which he pulls out himself and then cries to have someone go back in to him and re-insert it. He has NEVER slept through the night (although I don't expect him to), rather he is a frequent waker ie 6-7 times a night. Doesn't take a feed anymore and I know this because I've tried feeding him (he's on formula) and he only ever drinks and ounce or two, never a full feed.
This has been going on for too long. I am so tired and feel so mentally derragned, I find it difficult to concentrate on anything, I have to read sentences at least twice to understand them, I have no libido, relationship with hubby is fast going down the toilet because he is also tired. He regularly has to sleep separate from me (DS sleeps in our room, 1 bed flat you see) so he can make it to work the next day.
I have tried everything, and I mean everything, including homeopathic remedies, cranial oesteopathy, and all the tricks mentioned in all the books....except controlled crying. It's a last resort for us.
I feel as though I have no choice but to try, to save my sanity, my marriage, and obviously to ensure DS is getting sufficient rest as well (I really don't think he is at the moment). We have absolutely NO ONE who is reliable enough to babysit, or even just come round to help out or give me a break because I'm from Canada, married to a British man whose family are virtually absent from our lives. Friends slowly disappeared as they realized drinking and smoking activities were no longer taking place at ours, and that we would rarely (probably never) be able to join them for drinking and smoking activities anywhere else. People I thought were my friends have just stopped being in contact...it's really depressing. All my lovely family are in Canada, and I come from a BIG family.
So you see, an extremely bad sleeper, coupled with an extremely stressful and lonely existence is just adding insult to injury and I badly need a solution.
Please help...anyone with a successful story of controlled crying, please share with me!
I did controlled crying with my LO although I can't remember how old he was. It was hell for a few days but doesn't take them long to "get it" and it is totally worth it!
Boredbuthappy I'm afraid I don't have any experience to share, but you sound really down and I'm sorry you don't have more support and you have a difficult time of it with your baby. Waking 6-7 times a night is, I think, a lot more than average. It's entirely your choice if you want to try CC. If I were in your situation I would try and read up on it on the internet (sounds as though you have already looked at a few books) so that you know the pros and cons and the better and worse ways of doing it. Good luck.
I did CC with both mine. They cottoned on within a week and have slept like logs, all night, ever since.
It is an absolute must, though, that you are committed before you start, and absolutely believe in the concept. If you're a bit dithery about it, and not sure you're doing the right thing, you won't be consistent and consistency is everything.
Hi Boredbuthappy im sorry to hear you are having a tough time with your LO. We did controlled crying with out DS. It did work for us but it is hard. If possible try to do it at a time when you are both there and can take turns. And have a weekend or maybe long weekend.
Have you tried talking to a health visitor and maybe a sympathetic doctor to see if there could be any underlying health reasons for the feeding and sleeping issues?
I can relate to the friends issues. We were the first out of all our friends to have children. And its not easy to keep up contact and some people are just not interested in people who have kids when its not where they are with their lives. I remember one friend announcing she would never babysit for me. But I always thought that when they got round to having kids ours would be much older and the sleepless nights out of the way. I also pointed out that me and DH would be off on holiday, with our kids much older, while they will be still dealing with the teenage years!
Almost forgot to add. We scattered dummies round the cot for DS1 when he was little. That way he could find one at night and it put him right back to sleep. I think he had 8 in there at one point!
Thanks for your replies, I'm gonna have to give it a go I think. Just as an example, tonight he went to bed and was asleep by 7:30, but has already been up and crying twice by 9pm. We've been to the GP last week to rule out other possible issues but he came up fine. His bottom teeth came out about a month and a half ago and the GP checked him out and said his top gums weren't showing signs of emerging teeth...I don't really want to be giving him pain medcation 'just in case'....
What a nightmare.
So you think I could remove the dummy cold turkey in combination with the CC?
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