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please help, feel like I am getting it all wrong...

(11 Posts)
Moulesfrites Tue 13-Sep-11 09:54:31

My ds is nearly 8mo. He is bf but now on 3 good meals a day and about 4 bfs per day. A few weeks ago it got to the point where his night wakings were unsustainable for me to cope with - 4/5/6 times a night, and I would feed him back to sleep every time. My own health was suffering - headaches, eczema flaring up etc, so we decided we had to address it.

Started sending dh in with water if he woke between 11 and 4. We saw an improvement pretty much instantly and he cut his night feeds down to 1/2 a night, which I can definitely cope with.

Then, he started to cut his top incisor. I thought it would be cruel to deny him the comfort of feeding when teething, so I started feeding him again, Then, the GP said that he is going to be teething on and off until he is 2.5y so as long as he has been given pain relief there was no need to go back to feeding during this period.

So, the past couple of nights we have gone back to dh settling him. It only usually takes 10min but last night he was awake crying for over an hour. (This was at 2.45. He had gone to bed at 6.30, fed at 10, been settled by dh at 1) DH was soothing him the whole time, and every 5/10 mins it seemed like he was going to go off, but then would start up again. DH said he was frantically rolling round and rolling over loads. I started to think that maybe there was something else going on (no idea what - teething again, tummy pain, too cold/warm?!?), and after 1.5hrs we brought him in our bed and I fed him. I feel like such a failure because of this, like we have really messed him around by being inconsistent, and we have taught him that he has to cry for that long to get a feed. I just don't know what to do now - whether to persevere with sending dh in or to just go back to feeding on demand through the night. DH pointed out that at 2.45 when he woke he may not have been hungry but by the time I fed him at 4 he probably was!

I just don't know where to go from here - any advice would be really appreciated.

Moulesfrites Tue 13-Sep-11 13:30:34

Would sending dh in on alternate wakings work, or just add to the confusion?

Moulesfrites Tue 13-Sep-11 18:46:34

bumping for the evening crowd...

Moulesfrites Tue 13-Sep-11 20:33:27

anyone? Night time is approaching....

haloflo Wed 14-Sep-11 15:04:05

Hey sorry no one replied to you. I can't advise as my DD is only 24 weeks but she is a frequent night feeder too. What did you do last night?

I don't think its bad that you went back on what you'd started. I'm sure the NCSS says that its ok at any time to decide its not the time to sleep train. You have to do it when you feel you can. Forget about what you did before and concentrate on now. What is acceptable to you now? You want to stick to no feeds between 11-4 or just do alternate wakings?

You haven't done anything wrong, or failed, you are just trying to do your best like we all are.

I hope you had a good night.

Moulesfrites Wed 14-Sep-11 19:30:33

halo thanks for your reply smile

Last night was better. had usual 10 pm feed than dh settled him quickly when he woke at 11. However, then he slept til almost 4, at which point I fed him again, then went til about half 5 when he filled his nappy! Struggled to get him down after this, but this seems like a early waking issue rather than a sleeping through one, so am going to focus on the positive of a an almost 5 hour stretch!

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Think might stick to the 11-4 idea and hope that it gradually develops into a longer stretch.

MacMomo Wed 14-Sep-11 21:37:01

You have given me hope - please do let us know how you get on, I think I should try your method.

BenRoo Wed 14-Sep-11 21:41:05

I could of written this post! Although my DS is 10 months old.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel like I'm confusing him by not sticking to the same routine.
DH did ALL the settling after I'd given him his last feed at around 6.30. He'd wake up twice in the night (1st night was awful,1hr 45mins of DH settling) then the next 3 nights still 2wakings but only 10mins of settling each time! Then we stayed at my mums hmm
Then he stayed at his other Nannas hmm
After that he just wouldn't settle,I was thinking 'growth spurt' (which co-incidentally,how are you supposed to deal with them once night weaned?)
And now he has a terrible cold (as do I) and has what seems no intention of sleeping.
Ya just gotta go with the flow or go quietly insane wink

Moulesfrites Wed 14-Sep-11 21:45:47

I know BenRoo I feel we have exacerbated the problem when we have stayed elsewhere as I pretty much feed him at the slightest peek because i am so worried about him waking other people up!

BenRoo Wed 14-Sep-11 22:12:52

Haha me too moulesfrites AND I usually bring him into bed with us for fear of waking anyone with his disapproving shrieks of 'don't you dare put me back in that cot' blush
Ah well, we'll get through it...
Albeit with a few more grey hairs/wrinkles wink

thebellsofsaintclements Fri 16-Sep-11 21:39:10

Hi both, I'm in the same boat - in the last 10 days I've fed DS to sleep (every 2-3 hours at night), rocked him occasionally, sent DH in to rock, let him cry it out in the middle of the night (when feeding OR rocking for an hour didn't help!), tried a milder version of CC..... I'm so tired i don't know if I'm coming or going! We stayed with family abroad for a month and I would feed at the slightest squeak (every half an hour, all night at times!! DS is 10 months old btw. Sadly I've got to the stage where leaving him to cry doesn't bother me as much as it used to, I'm so pissed off and exhausted, and am going back to work on Monday too. Aargh

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