Controlled crying - what if she's sick?

[Flossbert]

Sleep training must start tonight. I'm on my knees. But DD screams so much the minute I leave her I know she's going to make herself sick. I have read a bit about controlled crying (from the book Practical Parenting: Sleep) but it only covers the basics. Anyone else encountered this problem?

[Flisspaps]

Have extra vests and pyjamas ready, and lots of wipes. Spare bedding.

If she's sick, change her quietly and calmly, put her back in bed with a kiss and then go again. There's not much else you can do if you're sure she's not ill and it's because of the crying.

And if you can't do it when it comes to it, then don't carry on. No point upsetting yourself too :)

[CosmicMouse]

[Flossbert]

Thanks Flisspaps. I've lost my bottle with it before, but I am determined to see it through this time. It's for her as much as us - no-one's getting any sleep and something has to change. This will be my mantra!

So I start again kind of from where we left off, rather than starting the whole process again?

[Flisspaps]

How old is she?

[GloriaVanderbilt]

and this is why the majority of people choose to use gentler methods of sleep training.

Have you looked into other ways OP?

[Flossbert]

She's 18 months.

I have looked at other ways but none of them suit our circumstances.

[GloriaVanderbilt]

Well in that case her being sick is a risk you'll be taking.

I don't see any way to avoid it - if she does it when you're out of the room she might choke, but hey at least she'll be learning to sleep on her own.

Sorry but I fail to understand your reasoning. If you KNOW this is a likely scenario then FGS don't put her through it, it's barbaric

[Flisspaps]

I have to say, until DD was about 14mo, I was in the Gloria school of thought when it came to CC, I thought it cruel and barbaric. But after nearly two years (slept horrendously for most of the pregnancy too) of badly broken sleep and having tried everything else, we gave it a go. And it worked. Rapidly.

If your DD was younger than 1yo I'd have said forget it but I do think there's a point where they understand that you're not gone forever once you say good night. I think the fact you're worried speaks volumes, and tells me that you're not going to go at it night after night after night if you don't see any improvement rapidly, nor would you leave her sitting in her own sick for hours as a punishment for not sleeping.

[GloriaVanderbilt]

I don't think CC is necessarily barbaric but when the OP knows her daughter is going to make herself sick then yes no excuse tbh. Sorry.

[GloriaVanderbilt]

I mean it';s dangerous aside from anything else.

I think if the child is so unhappy as to scream instantly when left then you're probably going to do more harm than good in terms of making her able to sleep, and not just more terrified.

If you won't even consider other methods then I can't see any point telling you otherwise.

This is just wrong and foolish. (sorry Fliss, I know what you're saying too)

[worldgonecrazy]

I agree with the naysayers. You are doing something you think might make your child so upset she vomits and you think that's okay?

[Marne]

Dd1 was a puker (would scream so loud she was sick), we tried CC but there was no way it was going to work as she would just throw up and get into a rite state (where she was struggling for breath), TBH i hate the thought of parents doing CC, there are other ways that are less harsh, we just gradualy moved away from her whilst she was falling asleep (sit thurther away from her each night until we were outside her bedroom door) it took a while but felt so much beter than doing CC.

[Flossbert]

Thanks Flisspaps. Of course I wouldn't leave her in her own sick, nor is there the remotest chance of her choking, Gloria, as I will be right outside her bedroom, and she will be stood up in her cot (she stands up as soon as I move away)

I don't want to get in to a conversation about the rights and wrongs of CC - it's my parenting choice and I'm going to give it a go. I was just looking for some insight from someone who has tried it. I won't defend myself here; I am confident in the knowledge that I am far from a barbaric parent, but thanks for your input Gloria, to which you are, of course, entitled.

[GloriaVanderbilt]

I didn't say you were a barbaric parent. I said this is a barbaric method when you know it'll make your child vomit.

You don't have to do it. Therefore I think you shouldn't.

[GloriaVanderbilt]

Plus it sounds like you've already tried it and it's not working.

[Marne]

Sorry i have to agree with Gloria, why do something that is going to make your child vomit, you will spend half of the night clearing up vomit whilst your dd gets very upset. [SAD]

[GloriaVanderbilt]

'I have looked at other ways but none of them suit our circumstances.'

Really? I find that very hard to imagine particulary as many other methods are similar to controlled crying but don't involve so much, erm, crying. (or vomiting)

what sort of circumstances allow that kind of disruption and distress and don't allow a bit of gradual withdrawl or shush patting?



unless you're talking about CIO or something and not CC

[Graciescotland]

How long does it take for her to cry herself sick? I use cc with my DS twelve months but only for ten minute stretches which is long enough for him to work up a sweat. I then go in and feed/ cuddle for ten minutes and put him down again. It's rare that it takes more than one bout of cc for him to fall asleep (although it was more in the beginning).

[bankholiday]

I really sympathise with you about lack of sleep, it's torture. However, I was a very sensitive child and my greatest fear throughout my childhood was that I would be abandoned. I remember not being able to sleep on my own for very long until about 6. I was not spoilt, I was "just" genuinely terrified.

My point is that, if your DD makes herself sick, she is genuinely distressed and it's one of the most horrible feelings being alone in your bed when you need comfort, even if it seems to you there is nothing wrong with her except for not being able to fall asleep. It must be so much harder when you can't actually express yourself. Please think again.

[CosmicMouse]

You may feel backed into a corner on this one. But please take the time to do some reading around the topic.

I don't think many people would deny that CIO/CC "works" - in that children learn to go to sleep quietly. But at what cost?

Some interesting articles here and here

[GloriaVanderbilt]

Furthermore can anyone remember whose idea CC was in the first place? I have a feeling that you're actually supposed to stop it if the child is distressed enough to make themselves sick.

If you're not then it really is a pretty dire sort of thing to do to a baby

[Akrasia]

This interests me, because my son (6 months) is a rubbish sleeper. As am I. As is my husband. So DS might always be rubbish at sleeping. It's killing me.

But I can't ever justify CC or CIO. Both me and my husband were subjected to this, and we're STILL rubbish sleepers, in our late 30s.

I was apparently very responsive to it, in that I very quickly (within two nights) understood that my parents wouldn't come to me if I cried. But I didn't sleep. My mother says she often checked on me, and I was awake, in my cot.

What I learned was that my parents wouldn't be there for me when I cried. So I gave up on the crying.

[GloriaVanderbilt]

I used to cry as well but I only remember it when I was older, when I was about 5 or 6.

I would call out in the night and no one would come for what felt like hours, I'd be stifling under the blankets, too terrified to move and I'd just lie there, calling out yet scared of the response.

When someone did appear they would be very tired and angry and shout 'what!' at me. there was no cuddle or reassurance, no sympathy.

I know my parents were quite depressed and couldn't cope with me waking. But I remember it so vividly, it's like physical torture.

I couldn't ever put a baby through that feeling of total despair.

[trinot]

gloria, guess what? OP is not talking about you, she's talking about herself and her baby.

I wonder if you have considered gradual withdrawl instead of controlled crying. I have used both myself and find GW a little bit gentler. If you know that your baby might vom with CC then she might also do it with GW but at least you are in the room which might be a little bit safer and less distressing for everyone.

I think the most important thing to remember when you start this is that you must be dedicated to seeing it through. Which ever technique you use, stick to it! Otherwise your baby will have gone through it all for nothing. And so will you.