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I've just really messed up

(8 Posts)
Floopy21 Fri 02-Sep-11 22:06:22

We had started CC, this was the third night. Started after feeling like there was no alternative, what with the frequency & duration of wakings. Tonight she screamed like she was in pain & was drenched with sweat. I picked her up & fed her to sleep. I've just done her a massive disservice.
I know I did the wrong thing, I am doubting everything. Surely letting a 8 MO cry so horribly can't be the right way to parent? I feel dreadful, like the last two nights were just a form of torture for her for no reason. I should have seen it through shouldn't I?
Sorry, I think I just needed to write how I feel out. Feeling wretched.

GalaxyWeaver Sat 03-Sep-11 12:50:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontShootTheDog Sat 03-Sep-11 13:58:50

You Did The Right Thing. Don't feel wrtched, you'd feel worse if you'd left her to cry herself to sleep in that state. You have shown you are a caring and responsive mother, who is simply desperate to sleep.

I did CC with my first (now 3.5) at 9 months as I was going back to work and couldn't spend all night feeding him anymore. It may not be ideal but hey, neither is going back to work on no sleep. It worked and he has been, since then, a fantastic sleeper. Literally has never woken in the night and goes to bed/sleep happily every night. I don't like cc and am not saying it is great but it can work if you need it to. You do need to do it sensitively though and if your child is in the state described above, you should certainly not leave them to cry. Go with your instincts - you don't have to subscribe fully to a technique and not waver. You can do it very gently (e.g. go in every x minutes and don't increase the duration for the first week say). We only managed it becasue my DH did it. I slept in the othert room with earplugs in as there is no way I could bear it. I trusted DH to be kind and sensible and in 3 nights it was done. I am no expert and this is my only experience of it but just didn't want you to feel so bad.

If you are BF you may need someone else to do it for you like I did as no way would he have settled so quickly for me. Be kind to yourself, it would be worse if you'd left her.

Imnotaslimjim Sat 03-Sep-11 14:04:05

CC isn't for everybody, and I really wouldn't think it would be ideal for someone so young

You haven't done her any harm, and you have my every sympathy. My DD didn't sleep well (still doesn't if truth be told) but there is plenty of methods for you to try and help her

DecapitatedLegoman Sat 03-Sep-11 14:07:59

I think what you actually did was recognise that it was crossing a line and that she needed you to pick her up and comfort her, it wasn't just something she wanted. For what it's worth I have found with both of mine that the phase between 7 and 10 months is appalling. It passes. My advice would be to survive for another few weeks. Then reconsider. I so sympathise though, waking loads, being hard to settle, mixed in with work and other kids and just usual life stuff can make it seem totally intolerable. Early bedtimes is all there is for it.

Floopy21 Sun 04-Sep-11 10:40:48

Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate it. I'm going to follow my instincts a bit more with this, & take it a bit more gently. As DLMan says, I can always reconsider when she's a little older.

Thank you again for listening.

UKSky Tue 06-Sep-11 21:57:54

Floopy you did the right thing. It sounds like CC is not right for you both at the moment.

There is an end to this though. At 8 months my DD was a nightmare waking up every hour or so. This went on for a few weeks and then it passed and she started sleeping through with no effort on my part at all.

It was a nightmare when it was going on. If you can, have a snooze when your DD naps and try to get to bed earlier. Chores can wait for a while.

I also found bringing DD back into our bed made it easier. DP slept on the sofa for a few nights so we could all get some sleep.

Moulesfrites Tue 06-Sep-11 22:03:59

I can sympathise OP. I have a 7.5mo ds. We aren't doing CC but have been trying getting dh to settle him when he wakes up as I had been bf him to sleep everytime and it was getting unsustainable as it was happening so much. This has been really successful so far and has cut the night waking down from 5/6 to 1/2 in under a week.

However, this morning he woke at 5.30. DH went in to settle him but he was screaming and then I realised what time it was and it didn't seem worth it for him to cry so much for what would only be an extra hour or so sleep so I went in and fed him. Then I worried that we have undone all of our hard work so far! Only time will tell if we have, but I'm confident we will get back on track, and I'm sure things will get easier for you too.

Maybe look into gentler ways of sleep training if you feel uncomfortable about the CC.

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