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Controlled crying with 2 dds - how???

(12 Posts)
ruelachesty Sun 21-Aug-11 22:26:31

Back story, I have 2 dds, dd1 is 3 next week, dd2 will be 17months next week. Neither have ever slept through the night and both end up in our bed.

DP works 4 weeks of nightshift then 4 weeks of dayshift. Without getting into who is more tired, I am absolutely shattered as when he is on nights I'm getting up with girls myself and because they are used to me getting up it's me they are looking for when he's on days.

We are both tired all the time and our relationship is beginning to suffer and if I'm perfectly honest so are my parenting skills as I'm so exhausted during the day that I'm not enjoying the girls as much as I should be.

So...controlled crying it is, we've tried everything else but nothing works. To be fair they are great at settling at bedtime, they get their story, a song, lights out and I leave them to it. They babble to each other for 5 mins and then sleep. It's the night wakings. So far I've been terrified of attempting anything as I don't want one waking the other, but they both ultimately end up in our bed anyway.

Basically, I'm looking for some support or advice of what to do come midnight for dd2 or 3ish for dd1?

Any encouraging words would be great!

LynetteScavo Sun 21-Aug-11 22:40:40

Does the 3 year old come to your room? If so just take her back every time, and settle her, say goodnight and go back to bed.

Have you told them they need to sleep through? If not, you are on to a looser for tonight.

Firstly you need to tell both of them that tonight then must spend all night in their own beds. Spend a whole day telling them over and over that tonight they are not going to sleep in your bed. Then, when they wake in the night settle them down, and go back to bed yourself. It will be tough at first, but they will get the message eventually if you don't give in.

Pamplemoussse Sun 21-Aug-11 22:48:32

when is your next run of having DH at home in the daytime so that you can sleep then if you do the nights - co ordinate around this

and yes, prepare the children first

rapid return - ''bed time, night night'' don't engage in convo

be prepared for many many returns and for it to become worse before better

ruelachesty Sun 21-Aug-11 22:50:44

Thanks lynette, yes I tell them every day they must sleep in their own beds, more so today and at bedtime I explained why (they need a good sleep for the park tomorrow with daddy and mummy needs a good sleep for work, and they are big girls now).

Dd1 is actually relatively easy to settlecat night, dd2 just refuses to lie back down and screams bloody murder so she comes in first, then when dd1 toddles through at 3ish I just lift her straight in rather than a tantrum as to why dd2 is in the bed and she's not!

So with dd2 should I just let her cry and risk waking dd1?

ruelachesty Sun 21-Aug-11 22:52:56

Dp is off on annual leave for a week from a week on Monday. I work mon-wed so it's a while away yet before I can get a long lie!

LynetteScavo Sun 21-Aug-11 22:58:43

With the 17 month old, I would leave her for a bit...then go in a settle her, and go back in as necessary.

Are you a light sleeper? I think it's easier if you are a heavier sleeper, and less likely to respond to them calling for you.

ruelachesty Sun 21-Aug-11 23:04:03

I'm a very light sleeper, dd1s footsteps wake me up and she is a delicate wee soul! Dp on the other hand, is not, and has many bruises from being kicked in the shins when his time to get up.

I will try tonight to leave dd2 for a while and if I manage to keep her in her cot dd1 might settle easily.

Wish me luck! smile

LynetteScavo Mon 22-Aug-11 09:15:17

How did it go?

Would you consider using a star chart with the 3 year old?

ruelachesty Mon 22-Aug-11 19:24:10

Hi, it wasn't too bad, dd2 woke at 6am, but dd1 was already in beside us, neither of us knows who lifted her in (probably me as it's always my side she comes to) bur I got up at 4.45am for the toilet and both were still sound. So tonight we put them to bed at 6:50pm, story and song and I left the room 10 mins ago, left dd2 to cry for 3 mins, couldn't do 5, went in to settle her and dd1 asleep, came out and dd2 cried for 2 minutes, all seems quiet now so I'll leave it 10 mins then check on her! I hate the crying, it's heart wrenching!!

Oh should say at 6am dp took dd2 into dd1s bed for an extra hour as we felt 6am was just too early to try cc for extra hour. I think now we should have just got up at 6 am but the tiredness head didn't think that at the time.

I think dd1 would respond to a star chart now, we tried before but she was just too young. We have all the stuff for it so might give it a go, might do a star for sleeping, brushing teeth, tidying and eating dinner. Is that too much?

Thanks again for help! X

ruelachesty Mon 22-Aug-11 20:26:02

Ok spoke too soon, dd2 woke up 5 minutes after last post and had an almighty meltdown. Now sleeping but sobbing in her sleep sad I ended up sitting by the cot, didn't take her out though! Arghhh

LynetteScavo Mon 22-Aug-11 20:48:53

She'll probably sleep through now though. <fingers crossed>

ruelachesty Tue 23-Aug-11 19:33:14

Hurrah, they both did indeed sleep through, well dd2 woke a couple of times, dp went in once but her dummy was on the floor and she was actually still sleeping so he quickly popped it in and ran out, the others times it was for about 2 mins and she just babbled to herself and went to sleep.

We actually had to wake both of them at 7am!!!! I could cry, but tonight is a new night, left room at 7.10pm and hardly a peep, they chatted to each other for about 30 seconds (dd1 told dd2 she get a gold star if she went to sleep) then that was it! So far so good! smile

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