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Cracking up here...

(77 Posts)
weakestlink Tue 16-Aug-11 16:37:19

Am running out of patience with DS2 - 6months.

He will only sleep in bed with me feeding him lying down then I can creep away after 10 mins or so and he'll sleep for up to 45mins there.
Or I have to feed him & hold him in my arms until he wakes up. If I try to transfer him anywhere he wakes up and I'm back to square one.

I am sure he needs sleep as he is very grumpy and constantly cat naps for 20-30 mins throughout the day (usually after feeding).

He won't sleep in the cot or Pushchair. I pushed him for an hour today and he didn't fall asleep - just sat there then cried for the last 10mins or so home.

I have tried controlled crying but even after 1.5hours he was still just screaming (I did go in every 10 mins to resettle but did not pick him up).

I don't really have a 'routine' with him yet but have started introducing solids at 9,12 & 5pm and he wakes up at 7am and goes to bed with me around 9pm. He feeds on average 2 times during the night sad

I don't really want to breastfeed anymore but he won't take a bottle (even of expressed milk) or drink from a cup so what does that leave?!

I can't leave him for more than an hour in case he wants to feed or sleep sad I have another DS who we think might have ASD and so his behaviour can be very challenging at times so I need all my energy to deal with him!

Help sad

Albrecht Tue 16-Aug-11 20:03:47

Its crap isn't it? Ds was very like that at 6 months. He's 13 months and I can't say its great now but he will now sleep for longer and dh can get him to sleep quite often. And he will sleep in the buggy when previously would only cry the whole time he was in it.

Its just been gradual improvement but teething and trying to crawl / walk have definately screwed it up. Do you think he's teething? Calpol and teething medcines could help. Once he could crawl he was knackered so his naps really improved.

Keep on with the cup. Have you tried a sippy cup or I know some people recommend a bottle with a sports cap or attached straw.

By 5 months I was leaving ds for a few hours. Yes if I was there he would feed pretty often but if I wasn't he'd be fine for approx 3 hours. Its not like when they are newborn and their tummies are walnut sized, they can last a while if they need to.

Also I found I had to make an effort to get as much sleep as you can, even if it means going to bed at 7.30pm or getting someone to take them first thing so you can lie in. And let all the non-essential stuff slide til you've made up some of your 'sleep debt'. Hopefully it will help make things seem less of a nightmare.

Iggly Tue 16-Aug-11 21:41:40

It sounds like he's overtired making it hard for him to nap.

I'd move his bedtime earlier, say 6.30/7. Also work on a loose routine if you can - start with a morning nap say around 60-90 mins after he first wakes. then another at 12 (give solids earlier) and another at 3ish.

It's worth getting a blackout cover for the pushchair and blackout blinds for his room.

Also can he drink from a cup? This might help you get a break?

Iggly Tue 16-Aug-11 21:42:36

Sorry saw you mentioned a cup - I meant a beaker with a spout?

michelleseashell Wed 17-Aug-11 09:33:26

No advice, just wanted to sympathize.

Had a good night on Monday night. I slept for nearly seven hours which was the longest I've slept in a row for seven months. Yesterday was great. I had loads of energy. Played with the baby all day, got housework done, made important phone calls, cooked dinner, went out for a nice walk.

No sleep last night and this morning I'm so tired I want to die. Shouted at my baby and then sat on the floor and burst into tears. Today will be awful again. Don't know how I'm going to get through it.

Yesterday made me realise how good things could be if I didn't feel like a zombie all the time.

I feel in physical pain from tiredness.

All I can say is, you aren't the only one in this boat. Really hope things get better for us one day.

Oh only thing I can think of for you- have you tried your baby in his own room? We moved our son into his own room at six months and there was some improvement which really surprised me. Then at about six and a half months he learned to roll over onto his front and now usually sleeps for four hours- even sleeps for ten hours once in a blue moon.

I was in the exact same situation as you before that- had to sleep with me in bed, fed all night long, I'd be in agony from lying in the same position for so long.

He also refused a dummy until six and a half months and now my husband can settle him with the dummy so that's a big help.

It's just the disturbed nights that are driving me crazy still and that I have such a huge sleep debt that I can't catch up on.

Ugh sorry for the rambling essay! Hope something in there helps or makes you feel better

bagelmonkey Wed 17-Aug-11 09:38:37

I can really sympathize. DD is 6 1/2 months and I can't get her to nap any more. Also only taking breast milk from breast. She's been up since 5:30. I fed get at 7. She didn't fall asleep feeding. Cant wind her down anymore but used to be able to. I've been trying to get her to sleep for the last 2 hours. PU/PD when she's crying but then she stops and just grins at me. I'm here crying and she's just laughing at me.

michelleseashell Wed 17-Aug-11 11:07:56

Same thing started happening with me bagelmonkey. A bit of a feed used to send my baby straight off to sleep but it only works now in the evenings. That was my one beacon of light! He's been up since six this morning now and he's getting hysterical with tiredness but probably won't sleep. I can bear to take him upstairs for a lie down yet in case he won't sleep.

bagelmonkey Wed 17-Aug-11 11:59:27

Well DD didn't nap at all. Next feed came along and she fell asleep for a grand total of 10minutes.
She's so overtired and nothing seems to work. I used PU/PD last night to get her to sleep, but the thing is that won't work unless she's actually crying. She flits between crying and wanting to play very quickly.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

bagelmonkey Wed 17-Aug-11 12:02:10

I've been trying to introduce a dummy, but she just wants to gnaw on the hard bit of it!!!

michelleseashell Wed 17-Aug-11 15:20:58

Keep trying with the dummy. I'd heard that they will take them eventually but I'd given up hope. I only tried it again on a whim and it finally worked. Try holding their arms for about thirty seconds so they can't pull the dummy out straight away. That helps.

I've just been in tears again. So tired I feel like my head is going to explode. I couldn't find his spoon for his food and it just sent me over the edge sad

Iggly Wed 17-Aug-11 17:52:24

I remember feeling exactly the same - DS was up every two hours for months from birth. Slept through the whole night at 12 months but minor improvement at 6 months and 9/10 months.

Napping - as I said earlier, morning naps work best if they're not too long after first waking (max 90 mins). Let them sleep on you if you must - napping is key not how they do it.

Also front sleeping made things easier. And if you find yourself getting stressed, walk away (making sure baby is safe of course). Go out for a walk - being tired is a killer but it's easier (marginally) if the sun is shining on your face.

Keep bedtime routines short (also worth having a short nap routine of a few mins) - no more than half hour. And don't be afraid to try an early bedtime - they can work especially if you go 30-45 mins earlier.

Iggly Wed 17-Aug-11 17:53:35

bagel could it be teething if they're chewing the dummy?

bagelmonkey Wed 17-Aug-11 18:43:06

Yes. I think she might be teething. She wants to gnaw on everything!
It's so frustrating because a month ago she was napping with shh-pat after about 2 days of PUPD. So I know she can get to sleep without boob. And now even boobing isn't working half the time!
It's helpful to know it's not just us. I think it's easy to feel that every other baby naps easily and is in a routine and I think you can lose sight of the fact that you are normal and get caught up on feeling like a failure.

michelleseashell Wed 17-Aug-11 21:25:19

One of my friends gets three naps a day out of her youngest children and she spends the time pottering around reading books and casually doing chores. All of her kids have slept through the night since they were two months old too.

She makes me feel bloody awful and she's always giving me really smug tips.

I've just accepted that my baby has to get himself into a state before he will nap, which is not nice to listen to. And that I have to lie with him unmoving for the duration of his naps. The most tortuous part about it is if I'm tired enough that I try to move my arm away to have a nap myself, he always wakes up just as I curl up next to him. Then that's nap time over for the entire day.

Can she roll over yet bagelmonkey? We had a long restless period of frustration which we thought was teething but it turned out he was just getting angry about not being able to do things. That was about two weeks ago.

Babies are so much hard work. Why did nobody tell me! I would have taken maternity leave at 26 weeks and gone to bed until my due date!

bagelmonkey Thu 18-Aug-11 01:21:28

Yes. She rolls around a lot. If I just left her in her cot she could quite happily entertain herself rolling around for ages.

Don't you get sick of people suggesting that you take a nap whenever your baby does? DH even suggested it the other day! She's not fucking napping - that's why I'm tired!

They grow out of the need for naps eventually though, don't they?? So how many years until we can just give up....? There's light at the end of the tunnel wink

weakestlink Thu 18-Aug-11 08:34:15

Hi fellow zombies!

Bloody awful isn't it?!

I managed to get DS to drink some formula yday from a Tommee Tippee cup. Did not help his sleep but it's a start.

I'm trying to think what I'm doing differently (apart from FF) as DS1 slept for England and still does!

Right it's nap time - wish me luck!

bagelmonkey Thu 18-Aug-11 09:51:12

How did it go weakestlink?
tried to put DD down for a nap 1.5 hours after she woke up this morning. Gave up after 2 hours of trying. She just kept rolling over, smiling at me, then crying a bit, grinning, getting cranky etc. It's so hard to be consistent with her when she's so bloody inconsistent.
She's been feeding to sleep by default most nights because she's so bloody exhausted. It's been a month since she was napping ok and not being fed to sleep. So I guess now she's learned this way if doing things again.
Now it's time for another feed and I can guarantee that crankypants will fall asleep on the boob for a few minutes and recharge herself for an hour or so.

weakestlink Thu 18-Aug-11 10:24:16

Well bagelmonkey I probably shouldn't tempt fate but he's still asleep!!!!! Amazing! He is in the bed tho not the cot which ist ideal
and I did have to resettle him quickly after I went to put away the laundry. Have been sitting here next to him since tho as he senses when I go away and wakes up! Not very productive but like you say they just get cranky if they don't sleep.

I've got so much to be getting on with downstairs sad Got a man coming tomo to collect rubbish from shed/garage and still need to sort it all out!

weakestlink Thu 18-Aug-11 10:28:10

Spoke too soon he's awake! Tho he's prob had 1.5hrs so massive improvement on yday!

michelleseashell Thu 18-Aug-11 10:31:27

I want to kill people who say oh make sure you sleep when he sleeps.

HE DOESN'T SLEEP!

Don't ask me how that's possible, but he doesn't!

michelleseashell Thu 18-Aug-11 10:54:59

I've been thinking about something and I want to see what other people in the same sleep deprived desperate mind set as me think.

It's about early wakings. My baby is completely transfixed by In The Night Garden. How bad of me would it be to put a small tv in his room and put In The Night Garden on for him to watch through his cot bars so that I could get another half an hours sleep in the morning?

I've tried just leaving him in his cot to play but he gets lonely after ten minutes. I couldn't put him downstairs in front of the television and sleep on the sofa because I wouldn't be able to sleep.

So... What do you guys think?

bagelmonkey Thu 18-Aug-11 10:56:29

1.5 hours is great!
DD fell asleep for 5 mins as soon as I started feeding her. Couldn't get her to nap afterwards, despite the fact that she's been up since 5 again.
We're meant to be going out and I really don't want to because she'll be so cranky and all the other babies are so good. I've been crying over it all again. I've cried more in the last month than the rest of my life! I'm trying to force her to take my boob in the vain hope she'll nod off, even though it's just reinforcing everything I need to change.

weakestlink Thu 18-Aug-11 21:58:18

michelle I personally wouldn't put a tv in his bedroom but then I would not put a tv in an older child's bedroom either so maybe I am not a good person to ask! How was your day today? Any progress?

bagel how was your afternoon/evening? and how does your DD sleep at night?

DS did quite well today during the day but not so well tonight and has not long gone to bed at about 9pm. He seems to like 9pm as it's often this time he finally drops off. I did put him down at 7 but he woke up after 25 mins and I could not settle him back down. I think he might be teething though as there was some major drooling going on today and he was not interested in his puree at all.

bagelmonkey Thu 18-Aug-11 23:10:21

She falls asleep at the start of a feed, but is wide awake again by the time she finishes.
I fed her at around 2 and she dozed initially but then woke and finished feeding. She was exhausted, so I judged popped her in her cot and went to the kitchen. I turned on the monitor to listen. I figured that maybe all the stuff I've been doing to wind her down and relax her is just winding her up instead. If she cried I would go back to her, but if not I thought she might just get bored.
She settled herself without crying and was asleep in about 5 mins! She slept for just over an hour!
She normally has a bath at around 6 then feed and these days she falls asleep feeding around 6:45-7ish. We used to do a story then settle but I've been too scared to wake her for this and she's been so overtired she falls asleep feeding. The other night she didn't and we couldn't settle her until 9.
Her nights gave gotten better since we put her in her own room. Usually wakes once between 10-midnight and once 2-3ish. Then up around 5-5:30. Feeds fairly ravenously at night.
I'm going to try leaving her in her cot for a while without stimulating her tomorrow and see if it works.

michelleseashell Fri 19-Aug-11 08:17:24

Glad to hear things are working out a tiny bit for you both. I just wish I knew the magic solution. All I can do is sympathize again and say it all sounds so familiar!

No I wouldn't put a tv in a kid's room either. I'm just so exhausted I can barely function. On Monday I was so tired that I didn't care about anything. Tuesday I was in tears all day long. Wednesday I actually got some sleep and felt ok which made me really angry all day on Thursday because it all seemed so unfair. Today I'm back to being an emotionless zombie again.

I did a trial run this morning playing it on my iphone for him and he did stay quiet and watch it. I think I'm going to do it. Half an hour watching tv in bed can't be worse than having a mum who shouts, bursts into tears and can't be bothered to leave the house.

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