Co sleeping and bumps in the night <guilt>(23 Posts)
Have been co sleeping with DS2 (8 mos) who starts off in his cot and then ends up bf / sleeping in our bed.
Has been suiting everyone fine until last night when I woke with a feeling of horror followed by a bump and then horrible crying from DS who was face down on the (carpeted) floor next to the bed (having narrowly missed edge of the wooden bedside cabinet).
He was uninjured and settled quickly but I felt physically sick and heart was pounding for quite some time afterwards.
I usually sleep with a protective arm over him when he's on my side of the bed (i.e. bf on right; when he feeds on left he sleeps in the middle between DP and I) and don't know what happened last night, think he must have rolled over twice to have actually rolled out)
Wondering whether DP should move out into the spare room so there is space in our (kingsize) bed for DS2 and I with a pillow on each edge of the bed (and also DS1 who occasionally creeps in during the night) or if I have to stay awake for nighttime bf and settle him back in his cot
which might tip me over the edge of sleep deprivation.
I'd be grateful for any advice (and please tell me I'm not the only terrible mother / cosleeper who this has happened to)
You would kick your dp out of the bed? Would he mind?
Could you put a bed guard on your side to stop him falling out? Either that or move him back into the middle of the bed when you've finished feeding?
Oh and you are definitely not a terrible mother I think this has happened to most hasn't it?
I co slept and I think at least 2 of mine fell out at some point . No harm done though!
Could you push your bed against the wall ( make sure you stuff pillows down the side if there is a gap)? Or could you put the cot against the side of the bed as a kind of barrier?
If not, I am sure you wouldn't be the only co-sleeper who chucked DH out for a
year or two short time. My DH did it. He didn't mind, he was glad to be getting decent sleep. We are still very happily married and I could go and visit his bed for sex! It can be a very sensible solution if you are both happy with it.
Put something on the floor so when he falls out he won't hurt himself. Also a bed guard, convert your cot to a 3-sided one, or push bed against the wall on your side, and always sleep with him between you and the guard.
DS did this at about 8 months as well, it was horrible but he was fine and within a few weeks he'd mastered getting backwards off things, so he never fell off by trying to crawl after that, only if I left him too close to the edge and he rolled.
I used a bed guard on one side & cot (with side taken off ) on the other. Also my DP slept separately as he didn't mind & was very pleased to get an unbroken nights sleep (lucky bastard!)
(When I plucked up the courage to confess to the nurse that I had dropped precious premature DS2 aged 6 weeks weighing less than 5lbs onto wooden flooring from my standing height out of sheer sleep deprivation the night before, her reply was "you're not the first this has happened to and you won't be the last" . He was fine btw)
WRT to co-sleeping, this worked for us:
- my DH volunteered to move out for a while because DS1 was a very noise drinker. DS then lay in the middle of the bed and I climbed over him depending on which side I fed from
- Had bed against the wall on one side and used a travel cot side on the other: this kind of thing
Or you could consider one of those cots you can attach to your bed? Like this?
We've been using this since DS was six months on my side of the bed to prevent escape...
I've always co slept with mine (not because I particularly chose to, but it's been the best way I've found to settle mine) dh has been on the sofa as he is a very deep sleeper (and snores).
I put pillows down along his side, but unfortunately as soon as ds2 started to turn himself over, he'd prop himself straight up, so we had a terrible night when he launched himself over the pillows . Luckily he was fine (I wasn't). I was also shocked I'd slept through it as I'm such a light sleeper. After that it was a bed guard, and as daft as it sounds, I used to take the huge sofa cushions upstairs and line them up on the floor, just in case.
If you can put the bed against the wall, I would, obviously ensuring there are no gaps that litlle arms/legs can go down. If that's not possible, I'd definitely get a bed guard.
Ours will be going back up now dd is rolling over.
get a bedguard. I have one of these here though the one time my DS fell out of bed I had the bedguard up but he fell out the other side as somehow we switched sides while asleep!
Thanks everyone for your replies
Pretty sure DP won't complain about being banished to the comfortable double bed in the spare room where he will be undisturbed by DS2's 3-4 hourly nocturnal disturbances or the patter of DS1's feet and subsequent pillow / duvet wrangling in the early hours
Can't put our bed against wall due to bay window on one side and fitted 'robes on the other.
We have a bedside crib which was dismantled to make way for the cot when DS started sitting up and rolling around as the sides are pretty low and had visions of him leaping over the side
I think I will put the crib up again and have it as a safety net if nothing else.
Seems a bit excessive to have a cot and crib on my side of the room (for a baby who spends most of his time in my bed!) but last night's thud and squawking has jangled my nerves so will be worth it until he decides to sleep through or at least without so much leaping about.
Might look out for a 2nd hand bedguard, we have quite a deep mattress, not sure how it would work as on the pictures they look like most of them are designed to be attached to cotbed / toddler beds.
That's the problem I have with the bedguard, our mattress is very deep, so it doesn't fit as well as it should. I've just been talking to dh about this thread, and dd starting to get more active, and he's suggested us getting a lilo for the floor!
I have the spare duvet folded up next to DS' bed now, and usually when he falls out he just carries on sleeping We hear a massive thump though and panic thinking the house is being broken into!
Go to Ikea and get a big round pillow and put it under your bed sheet.
Have you seen those dream tubes? It works a bit like those.
I think they are called bolster cushions.www.ebay.co.uk/itm/IKEA-FLORAL-EKTORP-BOLSTER-PILLOW-FEATHER-INSIDE-/320735965015?pt=UK_Home_Garden_Cushions_Throws_LE&hash=item4aad5a6f57
Another option (if your bed frame comes apart/have somewhere to store it) is to just have the mattress on the floor. Then any fall is minimal.
Btw I had the same thing happen with DD, except she seemed to sleep through it, only crying when I picked her up in a Panic hugging her tightly. Was comPletely fine :-)
If you are going to continue co-sleeping then I would try this down the full side under the sheet www.ebay.co.uk/itm/NEW-LONG-HOLLOWFIBRE-BOLSTER-PILLOW-CUSHION-ALL-SIZES-/250717444935?pt=UK_Home_Garden_Bedroom_Bedding_PP&var=&hash=item800f99725f
Oh and for safety you should always sleep between your partner with baby on the other side of you as dads are found to be less in tuned to the baby in bed and are more likely to roll on top of them.
I once woke up with a strange 'spidey sense' & saw my 11 mth old ds with head resting on sweetly folded arms... And from shoulders downwards dangling off the bed!
Bed guard which worked ok even though thick mattress, just has to make it too much effort to roll that way, & cot on the other side with rolled up blankets in the gaps.
I used those blankets with holes in instead of pillows for the gaps as I didn't want to have any suffocation risks...
Ps def shouldnt put the baby between you & dh, I think that's o e of the guidelines for co sleeping...
We have a deep mattress too - bed guard works a treat
We have very deep mattresses but this doesn't seem to be a problem with a bedguard. I think ours is mothercare.
Mine have done this and they are all OK in the end so don't panic.
I now use a bed guard on one side so dd can't roll out. If we swap sides then on the other side I have laid a duvet on the floor just in case. DP also tends to sleep downstairs so we have more room which means she wakes less which
fingers crossed means she may finally get into a cot before she is too old for one
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