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Need 10 month old to stop bfing for naps

(14 Posts)
ladybirdsinmyeyes Mon 01-Aug-11 10:50:34

It's a month before my 10 month old starts her settling in days at nursery and I'm feeling a bit weepy and wobbly this morning, but I think the thing that's upsetting me most is that she still bf's to sleep for her naps and I can just picture her little distraught face when I'm not there when she's tired. How can I help her?? She never nods off in the pushchair, she just cries to get out, and she doesn't understand settling herself in the cot unless she's already zonked enough on bfing. I can't bear it. I think sorting this association would help her the most but I don't know how.

RitaMorgan Mon 01-Aug-11 10:53:21

I wouldn't worry about it - I was still feeding my ds to sleep for naps when he started nursery, but when he was there his keyworker just gave him his dummy and cuddled/rocked him to sleep. She won't be expecting to feed to sleep if you aren't there.

Does she have a dummy/cuddly/comfort object? If not I'd introduce one now to ease her transition to nursery.

BertieBotts Mon 01-Aug-11 10:58:24

Quite often when they are in a different environment they miraculously don't need the sleep cues they are used to. It sounds weird but it's happened to loads of people I know. Don't worry about it smile Have you ever left her with a babysitter for a day or evening, what did they do?

ladybirdsinmyeyes Mon 01-Aug-11 11:03:10

Thank you. She doesn't have a dummy or a cuddly but I might start to get her attached to a teddy which I can get to smell of home. She hasn't actually been left for a great period of time with someone else, only Dad or Granny for as long as it works (ages when she's playing) but back to me when she's tired. So I've totally reinforced this but it's been nice. But no one else has ever settled her because I feed her and have always done bedtime. She has fallen asleep on Daddy's shoulder about once.

BertieBotts Mon 01-Aug-11 11:08:14

Well there you go, she's done it once smile

I think it's usually harder for us to adjust than it is for them blush

ladybirdsinmyeyes Mon 01-Aug-11 11:12:08

Yes I must remember that! I'm searching online for a special teddy now, but it will probably be my crutch more than hers!!

RitaMorgan Mon 01-Aug-11 11:17:11

If you put the teddy between you and her when you feed her to sleep, then when she goes to nursery the nursery nurse can put it between them and cuddle her to sleep.

Do you know what sort of routine the nursery have for meals/snacks etc? I tweaked ds's routine slightly so it fitted the nursery one (eg. at home he would nap about 9.30, but at nursery they have snack time at 9.30 so I moved his nap to 10am. I started giving him his lunch earlier at home as they have lunch at 11.45 at nursery). I felt it would be easier on him if home and nursery were similarly predictable.

ladybirdsinmyeyes Mon 01-Aug-11 11:28:59

Thanks Rita, the teddy in between is an absolutely brilliant idea. She has a nap about 10.30-11.00 and I think they have lunch at 11.45 too. So I suppose she will be a bit more tired in that environment and hopefully fit it in in good time before lunch. Then I think as soon as they can they shunt their naps onto one a day after lunch, but this is if their morning nap is getting later and overlapping with lunch. But that is a good point too - I suppose this will all have changed slightly by next month, so nearer the time I shall make sure it all syncs up nicely.

AchtungBaby Mon 01-Aug-11 12:51:16

I know it's not quite the same thing, but until recently DS (11 months) would go to sleep in his cot with me in the room usually rocking his chest a little with my hand. As he will begin to go to a CM soon, I first got him used to me rocking his chest a lot less, and now I'm getting him used to me popping out of the room as he falls asleep. It's really important to me to know that DS has the sleep skills that he's likely to need, particularly when he's in an unfamiliar situation.

Actually, DS BF to sleep until he was ~6 months old, when we were so sleep-deprived that we decided to break the feed:sleep association. This (along with night weaning) significantly improved his overall sleep.

I think you should also consider whether altering your DC's sleep habits would improve things other than in a childcare setting, eg would you like it if your DP could put your DC to bed once you've fed them?

ladybirdsinmyeyes Mon 01-Aug-11 14:19:36

Well the only other reason i think it would help is that if i'm trying to get her to sleep at night and she's not tired she's a right biter! [ouch emoticon] I'm actually really happy with the set-up but she is getting bigger so i'm sure it will help her in the long run (i.e. I would have to change something eventually). To relate to what you're describing, I'm starting to try to move her to cot when she's only just nodding off rather than fully sated, but if it doesn't work I just stick her back on, so I don't suppose this really changes much in terms of association!

AchtungBaby Mon 01-Aug-11 15:05:58

Ouch shock, I've been biten once or twice, and it's pretty painful.

Other random things to consider, I've read on MN that some babies just change all of a sudden, and no longer need to feed to sleep. If you're happy with your setup at the mo, maybe that will happen with your DD. Another thing, DS seemed to stop BFing to sleep for naps at some point (I'm not exactly sure when, 5 months?), which left me with a baby who had to be walked in the pram / driven in the car for naps. This lasted for months while we sorted out his nighttime sleep first.

We broke DS's feed:sleep association by changing his nighttime routine:
bath
BF
teeth
book
cot
and staying with him, touching chest, rocking etc while he fell asleep.

We were so sleep-deprived at the time, but it all feels like the dim and distant past now.

ladybirdsinmyeyes Mon 01-Aug-11 15:31:57

It's funny, my sister swears by the chest touching thing but my DD gets so cross!! "Why are you touching my chest and shushing when I am telling you I need to sleep?"! Yes, I am also kind of waiting to see what changes over the next month. I don't quite think she will suddenly lose that as a comfort, but I am hoping she won't get quite so upset and will accommodate another kind of settling - although nothing else is in the running at the moment...she not dead keen on baths and still expects a boob stuffed in no matter what I do previously.

ladybirdsinmyeyes Mon 01-Aug-11 15:41:29

sorry that should say "she's not dead keen" - i do live in the West Country, but I've not acclimatised that much.

AchtungBaby Mon 01-Aug-11 15:45:51

It's funny, DS loved it for a long time, but then he became a bit cross too at times. I think he probably thought that we were faffing about a bit, and that he just wanted to go to sleep, but he didn't quite have the sleep skills to do that on his own.

We now limit the chest rocking - it still usually calms him down if he gets grumbly, but he will still sometimes push us away confused.

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