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How do I get my 9mo to LIE DOWN at bedtime?

(15 Posts)
MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Tue 05-Jul-11 11:25:55

I'm doing the No Cry Sleep Solution and I've just about managed to wean him off being fed to sleep and he is now cuddled to sleep. He has a bedtime routine and his room is dark. He fights being cuddled to sleep, but won't go to sleep on his own.

If I put him down in the cot in any sort of awake state, he will stand up and be wide awake, and we have to start over with cuddling. If I leave him in the cot awake, he screams

If I put him down asleep, he will fight and try to get up. If I then dont hold him down, he will get up and wake up fully. If I do manage to keep him down without him upsetting himself, it takes him about five minutes of fighting for him to fall asleep.

What do I do? I feel like he's fighting me all the time and I dont know what I'm doing wrong sad

Iggly Tue 05-Jul-11 19:48:01

Honestly - at that age, I think I was putting DS down almost asleep then keeping my hand on him.

Is he walking? Or on the way? Maybe that's why he can't sleep - it's a classic age for a sleep regression which wont be helping. Just go with what works the best for now and I promise, it will pass.

Also does he know how to lie down?

Other option is to put him to bed a little earlier as he might be a bit overtired hence fighting bed time. Again, 9 months is a time when day naps can change which can mess things up a bit.

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Tue 05-Jul-11 20:01:24

He's very almost walking, hes a very confident cruiser. Phew, glad its not just me then!

I will try an earlier bed time, but he isnt waking from his afternoon nap til late (he wakes too early (approx 30mins) and is grumpy, I get him back to sleep and he sleeps for ages (sometimes two hours!)) Do you think I should wake him earlier or will that just make him grumpier?

Am glad there is sleep regression due around about now and its just a phase! smile He did sleep 8 hours in one go for the first time last night. However he decided an hour later that it was morning .At 5am! (I'm not a morning person)

HollyFP Tue 05-Jul-11 21:02:35

Ha this was my exact problem only weeks ago, in fact I'm still working on it.

There's no way my DD (11 months) would lie down awake and 'go to sleep' but now we are working on a new system where I or DH holds her after her last bf at bedtime, often she is all to eager to put her head on my shoulder but other times I just sit holding her on my lap and she gradually gets sleepy. I am putting her down in her cot asleep, but hopefully we will be able to put her down almost asleep soon. I do think it's a developmental thing: the babe will settle when they're ready to do it.

And yes they get tired sooner at this age! It threw me for a week til I figured it out!

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Wed 06-Jul-11 08:04:54

Last night was the worst yet sad it took me and DS over two hours to get him to sleep in the first place, then he woke at about midnight, and though we could get him to go back to sleep, he WOULD NOT go in his cot. I cuddled him to sleep and put him down about 10 times, and each time he would get up as soon as I put him down. We fought him for about another two hours and then gave up and he came in our bed. He then woke up screaming just after DH left for work (5am), and the only way to get him to sleep then was with my nipple in his mouth. So that is how we stayed until he woke up, perfectly happy about 20mins ago.
I am knackered. And DH is working so can only help so much sad

HollyFP Wed 06-Jul-11 08:27:25

Oh poor you, it's hard sometimes isn't it. Can you co-sleep for a while until she's a bit more settled? There's no point all of you battling for sleep if she responds well to being next to you. We did about 2 weeks of this and gradually moved DD back into her cot. Might be worth a try. Just try to remember it's not the baby's fault she's struggling to sleep, not many babies can just sleep on their own until they're older
smile

HollyFP Wed 06-Jul-11 08:27:49

Sorry meant he not she in all that!

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Wed 06-Jul-11 08:52:11

we've only just gotten him into his cot for the whole night, we started co-sleeping all night at 4m when he was too big for the moses basket but wouldnt go in his cot, and from 6m we've been gradually getting him to sleep in his cot for longer (hes just too big now, I'm tall and overweight and DH is over 6 foot and we just dont all fit in the bed grin)
its only the last two weeks that he's been sleeping the whole night in there (well, waking up for feeds and then going back), and we've gone from him sleeping in there all night on Saturday night, to waking at 4am Monday morning and not going back to sleep, waking at 5am yesterday and not going back to sleep, and then last night in with us.
I think I will try to put him in his cot as usual tonight, and put him to bed earlier, but rather than fighting if he wakes and wont resettle, let him come in with us. he's become so much more independent during the days in the last week, so maybe thats whats causing it (I remember reading somewhere that sleep regression is often linked to a development spurt?). As you said, no point battling for sleep. Plus I'm hoping that if it is sleep regression (or hes teething or something) we wont have to move him gradually as before, and when he's feeling better he'll go back to sleeping fine all night (albeit with a standing up fight when I lay him down!!)
<wishful thinking>

RaisingMrC Wed 06-Jul-11 09:24:07

Hi wanted to post as have had a similar situation with my DS - as soon as he could pull to standing that is all he wanted to do in the cot! He doesn't do drowsy so goes into the cot awake (but tired) after his routine.

Initially we would lay him back down ad infinitum, remaining calm (outwardly) throughout, and eventually he would stay down and fall asleep.

Now though, we just say "lie down" and let him do it himself. He is able to get back down from standing (he wasn't initially) and now that we are less involved he spends less time standing up.

If he needs it, we stroke or pat to sleep. It usually takes him on average 30 minutes to settle to sleep, so it is by no means a quick fix!

Putting him into the cot asleep or almost doesn't work for him as it wakes him up. So it actually suits him better if he gets into his drowsy state while in the cot - though it takes a long time.

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Wed 06-Jul-11 09:40:16

Raising Well that sounds promising. I wonder if perhaps I put him in the cot half hour or even an hour before he needs to sleep to give him chance to fall asleep himself before he becomes overtired... smile Its certainly worth a go if its working for you!! He can get down from standing, though I havent seen him do it in his cot yet, so that shouldnt be a problem

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Wed 06-Jul-11 18:30:12

Took ages to get him down for his afternoon nap today, he didnt fall asleep til 4.30, then didnt wake til 6. No way hes going to sleep any time soon now.

WorrisomeHeart Wed 06-Jul-11 19:45:39

We have a similar issue with DS (8mths). Like yours he's cruising confidently and finger walking with aplomb! We have to rock him until he's pretty much asleep otherwise it's the dance of the cot standing!! The problem now is that he fights the rocking ferociously! Might trying raisings trick and see if it makes a difference.

Astronaut79 Wed 06-Jul-11 19:58:44

Lots of leaving him cry for a few minutes, then going in to lie him down. DH was more inllined to stroke him/pat him to sleep - or even lie on the floor next to teh cot. until I asked him if he wanted to be doing theat for teh next 5 years!

The phase passed, in fact, a year later I can't remember the despair I used to feel.

However, have just gone through 4 weeks of soemthing similar with 21 month old: running across the landing at bedtime now and shaking the baby gate whilst calling 'mummy' quite pitifully. Not sure who cried the most some nights (I am 23 weeks pregnant, so tolerance levels are zilch). Two nights ago, with no discernable change in routine, he stopped playing up. I don't get babies. grin

sleepingsatellite Wed 06-Jul-11 19:59:07

We has this problem with DS when he was 8m, he wasn't even crawling at that point, just trying to! The only thing which helped was to put him in a sleeping bag so although he could sit up, he couldn't actually get up. He only fought it for 2 nights and then settled as normal.

Other option is to put him down a bit before you normally would and leave him to it! If he sits up its no big deal, he'll lie down when he's ready.

fantagrape Wed 06-Jul-11 20:17:02

I have a one year old, who 3 months ago was doing this exact thing. Would not lie down, just stood and screamed.

I found some advice on this, and the main principle is that it's more important that they lie down than that they stay down. They need to learn how to get down so they can eventually do it without any help.

So what you might try is one of two approaches, depending on how your baby reacts. Either gently lay him down, saying "lie down" calmly. When he's laying down praise/pat quietly. If he gets up, let him do it, and start again.

If this approach upsets your baby, then simply stay by his side with a reassuring hand on him. When he lies down, give praise.

Obv this takes time and patience. But it's worth it. With this approach you can then work towards withdrawing your presence from the room while he settles to sleep. These skills he will use in the night to settle himself.

Once you can put your baby in the cot, and leave the room while he settles, he will almost certainly sleep through. (providing there are no unnecessary night feed issues).

9 months is a classic time for practising pulling up, so once he's mastered it and moved on to other skills that will help. It's a perfect time now to teach him sleep skills.

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