PU/PD can anyone help me!?(11 Posts)
I am on day 2 of pupd and would really appreciate some support/advice. My DD is 21 weeks old and doesn't self settle during the day, only sleeps on a person or in the buggy if we're out etc. At night she will sleep for a chunk of time to start with but is usually unsettled after around 4.30am.
I am finding it really hard as everything I have read is very encouraging: Its hard but it gets better and it does work etc.. I am prepared to persevere if I think it will work. What I want to know is:
Has anyone ever found that it didnt work?
Have I ruined it by giving in today?
This is what has happended so far:
Morning nap 1.5 hours of trying, finally went to sleep for 30mins
Early afternoon nap 20mins of trying, went to sleep for 30mins
The rest of the afternoon we had to go out so she slept in the car
Evening, bedtime feed at 7.30 30mins of trying then went to sleep
Night feed at 1am, went back in her basket straight after and fussed for a bit but then back to sleep with no intervention.
5.30am feed and then as above
Morning nap, tried for more than 2 hours before giving up and she slept on me. We went from cross crying to upset crying to wide awake and cooing (at which point I remained out of sight with my fingers crossed) back to upset again..
Afternoon nap, an hour and a half by which time it was past her feed time and I was at the end of my tether. So I fed her and she dropped off.
So basically yesterday was ok and today is a huge step back as I havent managed to get her to sleep on her own at all. Have I lost it/ruined all my efforts from yesterday??
I dont think so but you may need to adapt it slightly. Are you doing this on your own? I did it with my ds at around 20 weeks who just would not go to sleep unless he was walked or rocked, but had my mum with me, really helped.
I found doing just pu.pd didnt work, actually made him worse after the first night and more and more angry and over stimulated and so we (more my mum) ended up doing a lot more of shush pat / stroking nose in his crib which worked a treat, only picked him up if we really had to. I also used a soft toy for him to suck (would never have a dummy) then removed it after he went to sleep. Now i put him in him cot give him his comforter (now 8 months) shut the door and leave him.
I know its really hard but i think the first few attempts are horrible but you may find like i did a version that works. Would really advise someone to help you too. Good luck
Are you doing anything to help her fall asleep? As she's quite little I would try ssh-patting her (maybe turn her on her side to pat her bum - this worked for my ds) and only pick her up if she's really upset.
I think it might be useful to say how long your DD is awake for each time. I had similar problems a few months ago with my DD, turns out I was leaving her way too long before taking her up to bed, meaning she was past the point of naturally tired and found it difficult to get herself to sleep.
When I made changes to my DD's routine, I took her to bed much earlier, she responded almost immediately
It's worth trying to work out the reasons why she's struggling to sleep first.
Hi many many thanks for your replies and advice.
I try sshh pat as much as I can before I pick her up each time. She doesn't really respond to it to tell you the truth. Even if she is already calm. I keep thinking there is something that will make her sleepy and I just havent found it yet. But I have tried everything, soft talking, shhh, stroking head, patting, lullaby music etc.
CES100 I know what your saying about over stimulated. When I pick her up she is calm within in a minute or two. And when I put her down she is already protesting before she even touches the mattress. I am kind of doing this on my own as DH is at work during the day. In the evenings he is around but she won't be soothed by him at all - I am the only one who can comfort her. Such a mummys girl! This is one of the reasons why i am so keen to get her to nap on her own/self sooth. I think if she can do this then he can help more and I can have a bit of time to myself if I want.
Rita thanks I will try her on her side. This did work on one of the times on the first day. I have tried it since but I think she was too annoyed at the time!
Holly. She usually has a nap late afternoon and is usually been awake 1.5 - 2 hours before bedtime. I agree with what your saying, I am a real stickler for making sure she gets her naps and isnt too tired as I believe, like you say, that this can cause even more problems. Prime example was last night. As her usual routine went out the window due to trying to do pupd she ended up finishing her nap at 4. Gave her the bedtime feed an hour early at half 6 as she was getting cranky. Still it took me 2.5 hours to get her to sleep. A lot of cooing in her basket with me trying to sooth her or staying out of the room.. followed by some frustrated crying (on her part).. it got to the point where she got so tired I decided that pupd would do more harm than good - especially given the day we'd had.
So again I hope I am not ruining all the work I have done so far. I am trying again this morning with her nap. Will try her on her side more.
Thanks again all for your help - it is greatly appreciated!
Forgot to say white noise, really loud! Worth a go if you haven't already, I guess whatever you do consitency is key. Good luck with the nap.
If it really doesn't work, there's no harm in stopping and trying again in a few weeks. My ds couldn't self-settle til nearer 7 months, and wasn't doing it consistently til 9 months.
Yes thank you good point. It's easy to get wrapped up in it all and end up stressed out over it. Funny thing is she self settles during the night (until around 4.30 when she starts doing just one sleep cycle and then waking up).. But like you say perhaps when she is a bit older she will do it more consistently.
White noise is worth a go. Will have a think what I can use!
Ok so we have made progress today. Two naps done both within half an hour. I hope things carry on this way..
Just have two questions if anyone can help. When she finally goes to sleep she cries when put down for literally a few seconds then conks out. It's like someone has flicked a switch! She jumps a few times but stays asleep. Did yours do the same? I was just wondering if this is "teaching" her to self sooth. Does that make sense?
Also she usually has naps of at least an hour, sometime more. The naps we have managed in her cot have been just one sleep cycle of 30 minutes which I can understand as at the moment she is still learning. I am hoping this wont have a bad effect as I get the impression (what what I have read) that they should be napping for longer than this..
One thing at a time though hey!
Excellent, sounds like you are making progress. I think they just give up in the end! My DS would do the "mantra" cry then i would know he was trying to settle himself and he would be asleep pretty soon afterwards.
Re naps, tbh i found this the hardest and he has only just started having more than 45 and he has been able to self settle for a couple of months. I think the older they get, become more active and eat more they naturally start to sleep better, in my case thats what has happened anyway.
Yes I hope I am doing it right. I wondered if I was holding her for too long and she's not awake enough when she goes in. I don't think I hold her for more than around 30 seconds once she is quiet but she is always sleepy so maybe she's that little bit too asleep for her to recognise that she is actually in her cot when she drops off if that makes sense..
Anyway more progress today although had to go out so haven't been able to be consistent. Hoping that all this will do will delay the process rather than going backwards.. argh!
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