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Advice for first time mum please

(10 Posts)
AllBellyandBoobs Fri 24-Jun-11 09:31:39

Hi, my little girl is now 12 weeks old. After a 2-3 weeks of only sleeping whilst being held we finally succeeded in getting her to sleep in her Moses basket at night and she gradually got into a routine of having 6 hours sleep as 1st stretch before waking for feed, and then every 3 hours after. She then crept up to 8 hours and then 10!! For the last 10 days she has regressed to waking every 3 hours again, which is fine, but she's also started to fight going back down to sleep. Sometimes she wakes, isn't hungry, and just chatters away before eventually getting herself upset and crying. Some nights I'm only getting approx 4 hours sleep which isn't good for either of us.

Last night we co-slept all night (we usually do it in the morning 5-8am) which was much less stressful but I don't really sleep very well when we're together. Still two night wakings to feed but no crying and hours spents trying to get her to sleep so altogether easier.

My question is should I start co-sleeping at the beginning of the night or, as I ultimately want her to sleep in her cot, should I keep putting her down in her cot and then end up co-sleeping after a couple of hours when she won't sleep in the cot? I don't want to confuse her, or let her see me 'giving in', or get her used to sleeping only with me (during the day she only sleeps in the sling or in the pram when we're walking) but I really want us all to get the sleep we need and I want night time to be a peaceful time for her.

By the way, I moved her into her cot about a week ago as she was getting too big for the basket which I thought might be the problem. Its in my room, right next to my bed, but it isn't attached. Also, she's a very active, wriggly baby which I think is part of the problem. I can get her to sleep in her cot by singing and stroking her head but she jerks herself awake which then upsets her. I've tried swaddling which she hates, and I've just ordered an ergococoon to try.

Any advice? Or can anyone reassure me that letting her co-sleep all night won't result in me making that dreaded back rod?

Sorry for the essay!

Snarfle Fri 24-Jun-11 09:42:46

Hi my DS is 17 weeks old and we coslept until he was 9 weeks. We have a cheap 3 sided ikea cot bungee roped onto the side of the bed (with a towel under the sheet down one side so no gap) and he has been sleeping in this. His sleep is very hit and miss - the 4 month sleep regression has hit and he doesn't really sleep for any more than 2-3 hours then wakes for his dummy. Some nights he is very easy to resettle and others not so easy. He grizzles from about 4am but always (except for once) is in our bed from 5am. Through the day he only sleeps being held or in his cot.

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice but I don't believe in the 'rod for own back' as we do what we need to do to allow us all to get some sleep. I just keep thinking 'everything is a phase and will pass'.

Snarfle Fri 24-Jun-11 09:43:37

sorry through the day only sleeps being held or in pram - I wish it was cot!

AllBellyandBoobs Fri 24-Jun-11 10:08:28

Hmm, maybe we could try the DIY approach to attaching the cot as well, good idea.

I managed to get my dd to sleep in the cot on afternoon for 9 minutes! It was ridiculous how happy I was after that. Not been repeated though.

Generally I'm happy to have her on me or near me, and I know she's still very young, it's just the night time sleeping I really struggle with. Pre-baby I udes to sleep about 9-10 hours a night so this has really hit me hard! Plus, my mum and MIL keep giving me those looks when I say dd is still sleeping on me during the day, I dread what they'll say if I say I've started co-sleeping at night too grin

GretnaGirl Fri 24-Jun-11 12:00:07

You have made my day, your nights sound very like mine, DS starts in cot next to my bed then by 4 am is in with me. Day sleeps are hit and miss but he sleeps on me as long as I can ( I have a 3 yr old DS) as he sleeps well and is in a good mood when he wakes. As for the "rod" when I was getting wound up about what should be happening a friend had wonderful words of advice "it's only a problem if it's a problem for YOU" Do what makes you and baby happy!smile

beachavendrea Fri 24-Jun-11 13:51:28

sounds like you have a great sleeper who has just had a bit of a setback. in regards to the co-sleeping my ds just eventually outgrew it in a way, I would always start him off in his cot and then when he got too hard to settle in the mornings i would just bring him in with me. Eventually he just went through the whole night in his cot.

have you tried co-sleeping during the day for naps? we did this for ages and it was an excellent excuse for me to read loads of books while he slept next to me. And he naturally outgrew this too. sometimes my ds just needed to know i was very close and now at 14 months sometimes he still needs this in the night.

not sure if you want to do this in her cot but i used to put rolled up towels around my ds when he was little 12 weeks might be too old now though. Also i do remember that when we moved my ds into a cot from a moses basket at about the same age it took him about a week to get used to it. He is also a very active sleeper and was rolling both ways by then. You can get those safe t sleep things which strap them in a bit, i never used it but some people swear by them. might be worth a shot.

nichan Fri 24-Jun-11 20:07:35

Hi i would loose the co sleeping as it isn't very safe but thats my oppion. With both mine i slept in moses basket then cot next to bed then own room at 6 months. Plenty of light and noise in the day, Low lights and whispering at night if need to talk at all. Feed baby milk when they wake in night quickly and with no eye contact chatter just cuddles and then led back down straight after feed. Babys go through different feeding patterns as they grow. If she's going through a growth spurt will need more bottles. My lil one started to sleep 6 hours then 4 then 3. Then went 4hr 3hr 3hr. Just depends really she's now settled bk down to 5hrs 4 hrs 4 hrs. Hope what i've said helps or makes sense lol

fififrog Fri 24-Jun-11 20:18:18

Try moving her to her own room? Worked wonders for us, night wakings reduced considerably almost overnight. I think we were all disturbing each other!

fififrog Fri 24-Jun-11 20:26:22

She says on a night when she won't settle to sleep at all sad

AllBellyandBoobs Fri 24-Jun-11 20:53:19

Thanks everyone, good suggestions and also helps to know that others have had or are having similar problems. I do the co-sleeping as safely as possible, king size bed, only me and her in it (partner relegated to spare room) with her in the middle of it, only a thin sheet on me and she's still in her sleeping bag. I don't sleep soundly though as I'm always aware she's there. She'd EBF at the moment, I have wondered if I've got enough milk for her at the moment but I feed her whenever she asks for it and she doesn't have a dummy (won't take one).

Fifi Sorry to hear that, my little angel is currently being sang to by her father in an attempt to get her to sleep. She has been asleep for 10 mins so far after settling herself to sleep (after I'd tried for nearly an hour) which was pretty amazing! Maybe our attempts to get her to sleep are a bit overstimulating for her?

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