21 month old dd bloody furious about being put to bed. Any ideas?

[neolara]

My dd has started screaming for up to 30 mins when I try to put her to bed for her nap and in the evening.

I'm pretty sure she still needs a day time sleep as she will often naturally fall asleep around 11.30 / 12 if we are in the car or in her bike seat. Unfortunately, she can't go to sleep then as this is exactly the time I have to pick up her big brother from nursery. When I try to get her to sleep later, she screams, throws books, lies on the floor wailing, jumps up and down in a frenzy etc. This can go on for up to 30 mins. When she eventually goes to sleep if left, she will stay asleep for 1 1/2 hours.

Then in the evening the same rigmarole ensures. I've cut down her daytime nap by almost a half as I wondered if she was just getting too much day time sleep, but this hasn't seemed to have changed the shouting at bed time. We have normal bed time routine (bath, story, cuddle, bed) which she has had pretty much since birth.

Any form of gentle controlled crying (e.g. going in every min or so) seems to enrage her and make her even worse. Today, after 30 mins of hysteria with me trying to calm her down, I just left her and after 10 more mins of full on shouting she went to sleep. I guess I could do this, but am looking for any more ideas. Am not that keen on CC in it's hard core form.

She is also mid separation anxiety (have tried sitting in a room with her, not giving any attention, sometimes this works, sometimes makes it worse) and has many stormy tantrums for such major events as being put in her buggy, having to wear a bike hat, having to hand over a bag etc.

Any ideas gratefully received.

[harecare]

If checking every minute leads to 30 mins of crying I'd be very tempted to just go out and leave her on her own. She'll probably cry less and it'll be less stressful. Do you talk to her and let her know she needs to sleep? DD2 is the same age and is crying a little bit at night which she never used to, but only a minute or so.
What time does she eat and sleep?

[yetama]

Hi neolara. I don't have any advice to give you but I will keep an eye on your post because I am in exactly the same situation than you. DD is 22 months and bedtome has gone crazy. I am at the moment using classical music when I start the bath and let it on while reading her a book and falling sleep. But DD needs me in bed till she falls sleep which sometomes can be a pain.

Good luck and I keep and an eye in anu ideas you get so I may use then too

[peanutdream]

There was def a phase around 13-15mo ish where DS would go mental if I tried to go in and sooth him a la controlled crying. If I left him, he went to sleep much quicker. Bizarre. Would never have said I did CIO but I suppose I did. He's pretty good now - he (mostly ) will happily play about with his teddies or chatter and then go to sleep. He's got the idea at last . Only took 16months?!

[Teleaddict]

Hi there, I'm just wondering if she is screaming through over tiredness? If she would naturally fall asleep earlier for her nap the maybe she's gone past it by the time you put her down? I know this can't be avoided because of the nursery run but my dd gets like this if I put her down for her nap later than she would normally go. Also, if cutting he r nap hasn't impacted bedtime then i would be tempted to let her have longer again as she could be over tired at bedtime. Or you could try an earlier bedtime? Again, my dd settles a lot better when she isn't too tired.
I also agree with other posters that they go through so many phases. At 2.4 my dd has suddenly decided she no longer likes going to bed after months of lovely calm kiss, cuddle, goodnight and mummy out of the door! I'm finding being consistent w ith her is key, even if that means she gets cross!

Good luck!