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Where have I gone wrong? Need some advice

(5 Posts)
yetama Wed 22-Jun-11 23:22:34

DD is 22 months, up untill March I used to put her in her cot and she would fall sleep on her own after breastfeeding. From March a lot of things have changed. Her dad and I have separated which means that I have had to rent a house for both of us, we are now sharing my our bed and I have stopped breastffeding her. Her sleeping routine has gone completely mental. At the moment I cannot leave her in bed and go downstairs because she will start screaming for me. So what I am doing is staying with her in bed till she falls sleep and then getting up to do all the things I have to do.

In a way I do not mind but other days I have too many things to do and I really need her to go to sleep on her own so I can do all the catch up I have to do. Am I being selfish blush? I would really like to short out her sleeping problems but I am not sure if this is the right time either. We have been living in the new house for two months and even though she has adapted very well and she really likes it I cannot be sure that this problem is because of the new house. She started doing it just before we separated while still living in the family house.

Do you think I should wait till I get her a bed (which can still take a few good months) or should I try something now? I am a bit insecure of what to do so any advice would be very much appreciated. Also I am not sure if I could do Control Crying but I am not sure of any other alternatives. Any ideas?

Thank you in advance

Meggymoodle Thu 23-Jun-11 09:28:29

You have both been through a lot of upheaval and CC might be rather over-stressful for both of you at the moment. We had a situation which was not as extreme as yours but where DS1 (now 2.5 but at the time about 18 months) would not go to sleep without us having our hand on him. I thought he was too old for controlled crying so we did "gradual withdrawal". It takes a lot more time than CC but is much less stressful.

It might be worth a try? Basically, you would go from lying down with her, to sitting on the edge of the bed for a few nights while she falls asleep, then on chair by the bed, then gradually move the chair further away from the bed, then stand by the door, then I used to stand outside the door but reassure him I was still there and then he was fine. I'd say it took us around 10 days or so if so long but as your DD is a bit older it might take a couple of weeks.

Hope that helps a bit. Good luck.

yetama Thu 23-Jun-11 16:32:55

Thank you meggymoddle. I will try your advice although I will wait as DD is going on holiday with her dad for 10 very soon and I don;t think I would be able to finish it before they go away.

Thanks again

worldgonecrazy Thu 23-Jun-11 16:41:37

What are her language skills like? Is she able to explain to you why she doesn't want you to leave her in bed alone? She has gone through an emotional upheaval so I can understand why she is unsettled. Cuddles and security may take longer than other methods but I think long term they give a better outcome (and by longterm I'm talking years).

yetama Thu 23-Jun-11 19:56:02

Hi worldgonecrazy. Her language skills they are a bit poor. She can express things such as food that she wants, go somewhere like playground or bed, express actions. She uses words but also she has her own sign language to express what she cannot talk. Her understanding is pretty good and understand most of the things she says. But to be honest I don;t think she can express why she does not want to go to be. It doesn't matter if I put her in bed a bit late or at her usual time the outcome is the same. I also do not know what her father does when he is putting her in bed and I have asked him but he said there is not a problem which I cannot believe. He has never put her in bed before we separated, it has always been me so I cannot believe that she does not have the same problems at his house. Or maybe I am just wrong, who knows.

She says very clearly that she wants me to go to bed with her and that she does not want me to leave the room. SO I am not sure what to do at the moment. Any advice would be much appreciated.

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