Right. It's time to sort out my 19 month old. Any ideas?

[Owlingate]

Since the age of 10/11 months he has woken 5 nights out of 7. At different times, sometimes once a night, sometimes loads of times in one night. It's killing me.

He settles himself to sleep in the evening. When he wakes in the night he cries, we go in, say ssh, occasionally rub his back or rearrange his covers. Unless ill or teething, he immediately goes quiet and we leave. We're only in there for about a minute and we leave before he goes back to sleep. He had a lot of illnesses over the winter and has only recently outgrown (we think) bad reflux.

He has a nap after lunch about 1.5-2 hrs.

When he doesn't sleep well at night (Say 3 wakings) he will wake up early (6) and be grouchy all morning. The few nights he does sleep well he wakes at 7 and is an absolute angel.

Any clue whatsoever about what could be causing this and what we can do to make it stop??

[Owlingate]

Last night was a four time special! Aybody got any ideas?

[Indith]

Goodness knows! My 2 and half year old is much the same!

All you can do really is have a look around at different techniques and see if there is one that will work for you.

There are things like shush pat where you pat and sush your child until they stop crying but stop before they fall asleep, there is gradual retreat where at first you sooth your child as usual, then you sooth using just your voice next to the bed, then standing inthe middle of the room, then by the door so they can still see, then just outside the door and so on. There is then the more controversial controlled crying. Some people believe in it, others think it cruel. Just remember if you are going to do controlled crying then look it up, don't just leave your child for ages screaming from the start, do the gradually increasing time intervals.

The No Cry Sleep Solution is a good book that a lot of people find helpful, it can help you to learna lot about sleep cycles and guide you in recognising patterns in your child.

[Owlingate]

The thing is, I don't need to do any of those things because he does settle himself and he does go back to sleep by himself, its just that he wakes up and cries several times a night.

Are we supposed to just not go in at all if he cries during the night? That seems a bit mean.

[Indith]

FWIW I agree with you, I don't really see how a lot of the techniques can work with night wakings. Dd is the same, she goes to bed fine (mostly!) but spends a lot of the night tossing and turning and crying out. I think that if nothing seems to grab you as something you can do then you are probably best trusting your instincts on that. My opinion on dd is just that she is constantly learning new things and developing and that her brain is processing it all, a lot of the time I'm sure she would love to be in a restfull sleep as much as I would but she can't get there, even with my soothing her she can spend a couple of hours tossing around continuously and then get me out of bed a further 5 times or so! She used to be worse though and gradually now she is 2 and a half we are getting about as many ok nights and terrible ones so I am hopeful that soon the good will outweigh the bad.

Have you ever tried ignoring him though? I don't mean completely ignoring, that would be mean but I don't go to dd as soon as she cries out, sometimes she tosses around for a minute or so and goes back to sleep. If she doesn't and is escalates then of course I go and settle her.

[crispyseaweed]

What time does he go to bed at night?

[Owlingate]

about 7pm. The wakings aren't at regular times and like I say he tends to stop crying / start going back to sleep as soon as he sees us.

The only things I can think is either reflux is still there and it is now more like silent reflux, or it is separation anxiety and we'll just have to suck it up until waking up and being on his own is not scary for him.

Thanks Indith. It's definitely worth not rushing in as soon as he cries, will have to remind DP as he tends to run in knocking in to things and switching lights on etc. at the merest whimper

[crispyseaweed]

Maybe try to leave him a tiny bit longer if he cries in the hope he will settle himself. ?