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controlled crying: day 3

(45 Posts)
MsStrawberry Wed 15-Jun-11 19:11:32

I'm into day 3 of doing controlled crying with my 9 month old, and last night he fell asleep without even crying but woke for a little cry during the night, but tonight i have put him down and he has been screaming for nearly 20mins, it is so upsetting and I am on my own, my partner is at work. Why is he crying tonight when he didn't last night? Thought we were making progress? I know it can take a lot longer but i thought we were getting somewhere, i can't stand listening to him cry..

PippiLongBottom Wed 15-Jun-11 19:15:12

If you can't stand hearing him cry, don't do controlled crying then. Have you read the research on the effects of being left to cry as a baby? Babies aren't manipulating you, they are communicating.

RitaMorgan Wed 15-Jun-11 19:16:58

Maybe tonight he is ill or uncomfortable in some way?

MaeMobley Wed 15-Jun-11 19:19:35

How are you doing? It's hard when you are on your own.

MsStrawberry Wed 15-Jun-11 19:53:12

Ok he's asleep now, thank god it is so hard being on my own. Just glad he is settled now poor little thing.
PippiLongBottom - Yes of course i have read a lot of research on it and spoke to many people about it, this was not a decision i have taken lightly, I have been speaking about it with my HV weekly for 3 months now. My son has never slept longer than a couple of hours until now, he is 9 months old, i feel that this prolonged sleep deprivation is one of the main causes of my post-natal depression that i am trying to deal with. My partner is also depressed, our relationship is practically dead. CC was a last resort for us but something we felt we had to do now to try to improve all of our lives.

DialMforMummy Wed 15-Jun-11 20:00:58

Don't worry, you are getting somewhere. You have done well.

PippiLongBottom Wed 15-Jun-11 20:15:44

I co-sleep with my four year old. He was a terrible sleeper, waking hourly. At 8 months he woke 24 times before midnight, that was the worst night. We co-slept from then on, he has still never slept through. I have 2 other children, and when my youngest was born, I co-slept with him too. I know how sleep deprivation feels. Co-sleeping is so much better for all parties than controlled crying. IMO of course.

Parietal Wed 15-Jun-11 20:22:02

You are doing a great job. Keep it up. I know it is hard but getting it right now really will make things better.

And remember that a little cc does not harm babies, whatever other people may say.

Parietal Wed 15-Jun-11 20:23:04

Hope you are now getting plenty of sleep yourself.

MsStrawberry Wed 15-Jun-11 20:35:15

Thank you DialMforMummy

PippiLongBottom - I used to feel like that to and co-slept with my son for 8 months, this was the main reason my partner now sleeps on the sofa and has done for months, there wasn't really enough room in the bed and we had arguments in the middle of the night, he doesn't deal well with being woken in the night. Which means I've been dealing with all of the night wakings on my own for a long time now, while i know he's downstairs asleep on the sofa it's a horrible feeling. Which caused more arguments.

Have you read the research on the dangers of co-sleeping? Many babies have died as a result of co-sleeping, none have died from controlled crying.

Instinctively I also felt it was better to have him in my bed but it never actually got us anywhere, he never learned to self-settle or to sleep for longer than a few hours. We both weren't getting enough sleep it wasn't actually doing any of us any good really, altough it felt easier to do at the time. So we took the difficult decision to do something about it, so that in a few days hopefully our son will be able to sleep well all night in his own bed in his own room, it will do him the world of good to be properly rested and I hope my post-natal depression will improve if i get my rest, i have been really suffering.
So I feel that Controlled crying was the best decision for my family.

This is a very difficult time for me and all i needed is a bit of support to get me through it. I know many people don't agree with controlled crying [i used to be one of them actually] and everyone is entitled to their opinion. You have stuck to your instincts as a mother and that has worked for you, unfortunatley it didnt work too well for me and im having to fight my instincts to see this through to improve our situation. During the whole of last night he only cried for 5 mins, the whole rest of the twelve hours he was asleep. so i dont think that will of damaged him at all.

PippiLongBottom Wed 15-Jun-11 20:50:33

I'm glad you're happy with your decision. I haven't experienced PND so am not qualified to comment on that. All I know is that with my children, I lived by the mantra of 'the most sleep for the most people' and co-sleeping was how we obtained that. My nearly 2 year old sleeps next to my bed too and that is how I prefer it.

Let's just agree to disagree and I hope your night goes well.

MsStrawberry Wed 15-Jun-11 21:35:13

Thank you Parietal - ive only just read ur posts. Yeah ive had abit more sleep these last two days and have really noticed a difference, im coping abit better with the days if that makes sense. Yes i hope everything will be better once we have got through this, thanks for your support.

PippiLongBottom - yes lets agree to disgree, just wanna say that perhaps my PND is a big factor in my decision and maybe i am doing this for myself aswell as my son, as i dont feel that the anti-depressants and counselling have made a big difference to my life i am still struggling, every day is so difficult, i know if im sleeping things will get better for us all. I just wanna be a good mum. I know i'll be a better mum if we're well rested. Maybe you're just stronger than me and coped with it better. It is the hardest thing in the world having a baby who doesn't sleep well. But i couldn't face the thought of having years of sleep disruption i just wanna get better and be well so i can look after my son as best i can.

MaeMobley Wed 15-Jun-11 21:38:38

Hi MsS, thanks for the update. Hope it is all going well.

froggers1 Wed 15-Jun-11 21:40:46

I think you are doing the right thing. I am on day 2 of controlled crying with a 2.5 yr old! and I have had to resort to getting advice from a sleep clinic. I wish I had got on top of it a long time ago but we ended up co-sleeping which hasn't worked for us despite a super king bed. My DS is a wriggler and I am not a good sleeper myself and as a consequence I have been struggling and this has affected how I function during the day. I say go for it and stick with it!! Good luck tonight!

PippiLongBottom Wed 15-Jun-11 21:46:26

Maybe I am strong or maybe I feel that strongly about CC, I don't know.

I have 2 non sleepers, who were also waking at 4.30 am. I was then going to do full days at uni where I have obtained a first in my first year. It is bloody hard, the sleep deprivation but only you know what is best for your family. I think the PND must play a big part, perhaps more than you realise. The sleep deprivation must undoubtedly exacerbate your feelings, so yes, if this short burst (hopefully) of CC helps your DS to sleep then I'm sure you will be a happier family all round.

MsStrawberry Thu 16-Jun-11 09:10:11

froggers - thanks, and good luck to u too hope it goes well. it must be so hard with a 2.5 yr old cant imagine it.

my ds pretty much slept through the night last night it was amazing, he only woke once about ten and had a little whinge but i just gave him his dummy back and he went straight back to sleep, this was the best night he has ever had. I couldn't believe it this morning when i woke up at 7am and he was still fast asleep.. it got to 7.50 and i was bored and didn't know what to do with myself so i woke him up, ha, never thought that would ever happen. I feel so much better today, so rested, relaxed, i dont feel as stressed. And my little man is in a good mood today, giggling away. I finally feel like we're getting somewhere now smile

MsStrawberry Thu 16-Jun-11 09:15:12

I am so proud of him, i honestly didn't know he was capable of sleeping through. I just always thought he couldn't sleep well. But i suppose it was just the bad sleep habits that i had taught him, and now i'm helping him to learn his own skills to self-settle and sleep through the night.

PippiLongBottom Thu 16-Jun-11 09:19:33

Brilliant. Glad its working for you.

MsStrawberry Thu 16-Jun-11 09:30:55

Thank you.

Whelk Thu 16-Jun-11 09:38:14

No-one likes the idea of controlled crying. Like you, for us it was a last resort. I hated doing it. But for us a few nights of controlled crying sorted out the sleep issues and both dds are now good sleepers.

The crucial thing is that it is only a few nights where you are teaching them to sleep. Kinder in the long run than years of constant broken nights leading to tired children, tired parents and fractured families.
Of course not everyone agrees with this.

Great news MsStrawberry. Stick with it! It will get easier and easier!

evitas Thu 16-Jun-11 09:47:28

MsStrawberry , CC is very hard for everyone. I also hated it, but to be honest it worked with us. I also got mixed feedback when I posted here once, but you just need to find what works better for you all. I'm glad you are getting somewhere.

jubblicious Thu 16-Jun-11 13:36:59

I'm, after much too-ing and froing about CC, think I'm going to do it this weekend.
My DS used to wake up only once a night, now wakes up around 6/7 times I can't carry on like this.

Did you go in after certain intervals? And did you feed him at all during the night? And what do you do about naps? I'm sorry to hijack the thread, but I really need some help!

DialMforMummy Thu 16-Jun-11 15:36:16

hom old is your DS jubblicious?

jubblicious Thu 16-Jun-11 16:10:27

He is 7 and half months. He used to only get up at 4am. Now he wakes up every hour. I know he can't be hungry as he has three meals and is BF throughout the day.

I've tried the PU/PD, giving him water at night, using hid dummy to put him back to sleep, but nothing has worked

RitaMorgan Thu 16-Jun-11 16:34:24

I think a 7 month old could well be genuinely in need of a night feed - maybe try a dreamfeed at 11pm?

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