It's just taken me 3.5 hours to get my 4 month old to sleep

[DorisDoesntDance]

and that's happening every night. He's only sleeping 3 hours max, then feeding (ebf), sleeping for 1/2 hours, waking, feeding etc.

I don't mind the night feeds as much, but 3 hours to sleep is killing me. I can't eat or cook, as it's impossible to leave him for more than a few minutes without him crying. he's also crying when he wakes in the night, which is new too and sad.

oh bloody hell, I'm shattered. help please!

[UrsulaBuffay]

Oh no, these are hard times have an un-mnetty hug.

Firstly, This Too Shall Pass.

Secondly, could there be a reason such as gas or some other pain?

Thirdly, sometimes babies cry & sometimes you just have to cook/go for a wee.

It's hard but see number 1)

[Gastonladybird]

It will pass- also from about 4-6 months dd was the Devil to settle. Have you tried a sling as she would sleep in that ( IMO you can sleep train them to self settle later - just don't leave it as long as I did...)

[kd73]

Oh dear, I am sorry, but as stated above it does improve.

I found that DS1 cried tons, we found that cluster feeding until around 1am was the only way at 4months. At around 7 months we were able to start trying to put him to bed earlier (9pm - 10pm). He is now 2 and religiously goes to bed at 7pm - 8pm at the latest.

Hope this helps x

[DorisDoesntDance]

thank you!

he's always been a bit of a windy baby, but can't get the wind up. I use massage and feed upright as much as poss, but it's not wind tonight. he's had a crappy cold, but it's just a bit snotty now. calpol doesn't help and I hate dosing him too often.

i'm so tired, but want just a little bit of time to gather myself before embarking on the night feeds!

will refer to point 1) and use as a mantra at 1am!

[mrsravelstein]

it's normal, but very hard i agree. i finally sussed it a bit with 3rd dc... i would put her in the car seat next to the oven hood extractor fan turned up to FULL VOLUME. she'd go from screaming to asleep in less than 5 minutes every time. continued doing that til she was about 9 months old, then got round to getting a cd with 'white noise' on it. she is now 16 months and still goes to sleep with it on in her bedroom, not quite so loud anymore but just a background hum now.

[DorisDoesntDance]

oh thanks all!

i'm just wading through the No Cry Sleep Solution for advice.

He's just decided he likes his sling for walks, so i might try that tomorrow evening - very good suggestion! thanks

[EffinNora]

No help to offer but just sympathy, sometimes the fuckers little loves do this.

It won't last forever but right now it probably feels like it will.

I had a couple who didn't sleep fabulously but eventually we got to where we wanted to be.

[Sarah159]

Just wondering, is he small/ skinny? I only ask cos our ds was a titchy skinny and, in hindsight, I think it did really affect his ability to sleep as the whole sleep/hunger cycle was really hard to break - not enough weight to sleep for ages but not able to grow great as wasn't getting into solid sleep. Bummer.

If you're happy you've ruled out other stuff like wind, reflux etc then would agree with the other posts re trying sling or pram or car or whatever it is that you know is the one thing guaranteed to get him to sleep!

[UrsulaBuffay]

Mine is 2.5 now, has gone nuts and I am referring back to point 1)

[DorisDoesntDance]

mrsravelstein in my sleep-adled daze I just read that as you put your baby in the oven...

white noise on laptop or de-tuned radio might work. i tried this tip when he was 6-8 weeks and it worked for a few days.

can't believe how quickly they move on to new issues and leave behind things that used to work.

to balance it all - he's a chuffing lovely boy and even when he was sad cos he coudln't sleep earlier, he still managed a little sad smile.

[Sarah159]

ps. sorry, while I was slowly typing you posted extra info, I'm not quick enough! If not getting wind up you could try massaging the soles of his feet between the ball of the foot & heel with the flat of your thumb in circular motion. Hits all the right reflex points and can really help. Did it for DS regularly. Can also produce wicked farts hehe

[ginmakesitallok]

DD1 was a nightmare to get to sleep - we stopped trying so hard.

This too will pass (best thing I've ever learnt on MN)

I'm looking forward to when both DDs are teenagers and I can wake them both at 5.30 and see how they like it

[cherub59]

HAve you tried gripe water for the wind? infacol didn't work for mine (you could try that one as well) but the good old fashioned gripe water was great.

But I think the best advice was from Ursula - This Too Shall Pass!

I now have 3 boys with DS3 only 3 months, and I just feed him to sleep as with DS1 we spent ages trying to get him to go to sleep on his own, and that was what killed me - not the actually waking and feeding him at night, but the hours trying to get him back to sleep on his own when just snuggling up in bed with him on my boob would have worked in a jiffy! DS3 sleeps in bed with me and after i have settled DS1 and DS2 I get into bed with DS3, feed him to sleep, sneak out, then cook/chill out and go to bed in my own time! Did this with DS2 also and didn't have any probs getting him to settle himself when a bit older....

[DorisDoesntDance]

sarah yes, he is small and very wirey. I had wondered about weaning him to see if it would help. he is following his centile spot on and has been slowly gaining - from 9th centile at birth to 25th now.

does anyone have thoughts on weaning?

[ginmakesitallok]

weaning not likely to help - they will sleep when they feel like sleeping

[DorisDoesntDance]

you are all fab!

gripe water is very good and he's had some tonight. infacol just didn't touch the sides.

the circular foot massage sounds like a good one. I usually pulse a C-shape on his feet that's supposed to have the same effect... but doesn't. circular sounds like a more effective idea.

[DorisDoesntDance]

gin you just made me from ear to ear.

should i start writing a list now of all the fun I can have in return when he's older?

last week he farted in a women's changing room so loudly that the teenagers in the cubicle next door thought it was me. I might save that one up for future!

[RitaMorgan]

Weaning early won't do any good if he already has digestive issues with just milk. Food is a lot harder on his system!

[ginmakesitallok]

well if you're not going to have any sleep you may as well spend your time doing something productive. I may take up amateur dramatics and make them come and sit through a 3 hour performance where I appear for all of 24 seconds...

[grumpykat25]

I second (third? fourth?) the sling. I used a ring sling with mini grump for the first six/seven months, and she would happily sleep in it in the evenings. She was a windy baby and it really helped her to go to sleep upright against me. She used to let out the most ENORMOUS burps, sometimes a good half hour after dropping off! I used to just slide her into bed when I went up and carry on from there.
Be assured that at 15 months, she sleeps like an angel. No hassle getting her down at night, and no night waking either so don't worry about that!

[grumpykat25]

yy to gripe water too.

[BigBadBear]

Is he hungry? You could try cluster feeding in the evening. I used to find feeding at 4pm, then 6pm and 7pm would fill my DDs sufficiently to help them go to sleep. Or hungrier milk if you are FF? Or a supplementary bottle if you are BF (don't shout at me)?

Wean if you need to (but talk to your HV first). I weaned both mine at four months but for the opposite reason to you - they slept so well I couldn't get enough milk into them for them to sustain any weight gain. With DD1, my useless HV of the time suggested waking her during the night for extra feeds. There was no way I was going to do that, so I weaned instead, and her weight gain picked up.



It will get better, promise.

[DorisDoesntDance]

he's awake again. poor little boy.

[Sarah159]

Are you breast or bottle feeding? I resolutely stuck to breast with DS as was part of a militant NCT group and too scared to bottle feed, which was why DS stayed so skinny and exhausted. In hind sight (how very useful it is!) I should have wanged a bottle in him far earlier - when I gave in he glugged it and was so much happier. Now, I'm definitely not trying to tell you what to do cos it's each to their own, but, if you do feel he is in need of a food boost you could try a bottle. With DD I had no compunction in giving her a bottle at 3 weeks, only for her to refuse flat out til she was 5 months! Awkward minx! She however is a chubster so not the same probs at all