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Support thread for the over 1's who still don't want to sleep through

(116 Posts)
PenguinArmy Wed 30-Mar-11 18:44:24

I know I need a place to moan about how tired I am and if I tell anyone anywhere else, again, I may get punched grin

tbh I feel that we've given her the tools and she will do it, when she does. No major active 'sleep training' from us, although that may change when we move house and she gets her own room (though more a change in strategy)

anyone else?

mindtheagegap Wed 30-Mar-11 21:00:24

Hi Penguin - I thought it was only my LO. She's 17 months and last night i was up at midnight and 3am. Yes she has a cold (again), but it seems we lurch from colds, to teething, to growth spurts and on and on... i also belive she will sleep through when ready, mainly because she has done on occasion - although with very early starts (5am)... right now sleeping through til 5am sounds like heaven grin. Off to bed to catch up on sleep before it all starts again!

cbmum Wed 30-Mar-11 21:59:54

Can I join? I've got 2 poor sleepers <groan>

DD1 is in her own room. DD2 is still in our room as we're spread over 3 floors and I can't face going up an down a steep flight of stairs several times in the night.

DD1, 2.5, was sleeping through most nights - well 7.30 til 6am ish which I figured was ok (but not until she was 2) but 5 weeks ago she started waking earlier and earlier. Granny was staying for a few weeks and let her into her bed when she woke up and read stories. Since then she has been waking earlier and earlier. Plus, she's had a bad cough which with yet more asthma inhalers we seem to be getting in control of. All in all, when she wakes up now I boot DH out of bed and she gets into the spare room bed with him. He can sleep through most things so her wriggling doesn't bother him.

DD2 is 8 months and on a good night only wakes 3 times hmm, down at 6.45, wakes about 11 and feeds, wakes at 5 when I pick her up and put her on our bed between me and DH, she'll then snooze til 6.10am. WTF - why always that time on the dot?! Last night was a bad night. Down by 7.30 (her cot is under our velux window which has no black out blind) woke at 9.30 and would only go back to sleep if cuddled. Fed at 11, slept til 1 and wouldn't settle so put her next to me in bed. She slept til 5, then snoozed til 6. DD1 meanwhile stirred at 9.30, 10.30 and then shouted out wanting a cuddle at 12.30. Cue DH booted out of bed so I would get some sleep as I now draw the line at 4 in a bed smile

On the plus side for the past 2 nights DD2 has only had 1 night feed instead of her previous 10.30 followed by her 2.30am feed. Small victories...

That said my Mum reckons they are angels as apparently I didn't sleep reliably until I was 6 shock

PenguinArmy Wed 30-Mar-11 22:59:38

yay, people

This week she won't be settled by DH which has made things worse, she won't even co-sleep anymore. Any interaction gets her all worked up.

I find I'm a bit sensitive about it and get angry/upset by unsolicited advice when posting about it on other threads. I just cant be bothered explaining why that won't work or we've tried it or they're just wrong. A bit harsh of me maybe, but that's the stage I'm at.

I'm 11 weeks pg and if all goes well, not looking forward to the prospect of two non-sleeping babies. Much kudos to you cbmum

Hello mindthegap mine's nearly 13 months. I didn't sleep through until I was 2 years old and I've always expected the same with her. DH and his brother slept through at 6 weeks so MIL thinks there is something wrong with DD hmm. However my next brother was normal, so maybe my next one will be the same [hopeful]

cbmum Thu 31-Mar-11 00:07:19

Glad to have cheered you up! As you can see I'm up at silly o'clock. Dd2 has just fed and now waiting for her to go snoozy enough to put her into her cot. I got into bed hoping for an hours sleep at 10.30 and sods law I couldn't sleep!

I hear what you're saying with so called words of advice. Controlled crying is not for me. A gradual withdrawal worked with Dd1 and she also has music played through an old iPod at bedtime.

I find mid afternoons the worst time. I'm pretty good now on 5 hours sleep albeit in usually 2 parts now. When it gets less than that I
struggle! On the up side I go out for a walk most afternoons (the only way dd2 will nap now!) and buy coffee to keep me going.

Wednesdays are my saviour as my parents come over for the day. I have long since got over the feeling of I ought to be up and having fun with them and the girls. If like today I was shattered I can take myself off to bed for an hours rest. Bliss!

PenguinArmy Thu 31-Mar-11 03:23:51

I struggle with the afternoons too, but then my office mates put on a pot of coffee grin

I'm in CA so the times of my posts may be a bit weird

IMissSleep Thu 31-Mar-11 08:58:08

I want to join!!!

DS is 7 months, never slept "through"
On a good night he'll go to bed at 7pm, dream feed at 10:30pm. Feed again at 5am and will be up at 6am.
On a bad night he'll wake every1.5-2 hours! Now he's not sleeping much in the afternoons either, he used to have a 2 hour nap, lucky if he does 1 hour now!! No CC here either, don't like the thought of listening to him cry he has a cold so last night was bad. Woke at 1:30am, 3am, 5am and up at 7:30 - exhausting!! Poor OH fell asleep on sofa because I put DS in bed with me!

We're back in bed now, hopefully he will sleep for 2 hours.... Fingers crossed!!

rr16 Thu 31-Mar-11 09:04:22

I'm joining to too for a moan and a sympathetic ear!!!

DS slept great until 5 mo then he started waking every 2 hours... and now at 13 mo it's still going on.

I've stopped bfing, stopped the bottles and introduced a sippy cup, taught him how to self settle but will he stay asleep at night? Will he heckers like.

Totally knackered like everyone else.

Oh when will things change...????

hankins Thu 31-Mar-11 11:15:43

Can I join? I know exactly what everyone is going through. My 14 month old DS has 'slept through' 3 times in his whole existence, and by 'slept through' I mean 5 hours in a row. The rest of the time, he has woken on average every 2 hours. When it's bad, he can be up every half an hour. There are some days where I just can't function, and have no clue what I'm doing. I'm grumpy, and so is he.

He is bf, and we co-sleep, and I have been planning to night wean him gently, but then he started to teethe, and got a cold, and we are back to square 1. Nightmare. I'm assured on websites like Kellymom that when the time is right for them, babies will sleep through without any sleep training. Not sure how much longer I can wait!

mrsSOAK Thu 31-Mar-11 12:36:37

I would very much like to join please. My DD is 19months and has only once slept through the night - which I think was a fluke TBH.
we have just started sleep training a few weeks ago (just moved into new house so thought it was an ideal time) its really not going well

rr16 Thu 31-Mar-11 20:10:31

mrsSOAK please keep us posted on your sleep training efforts, I tried CC but it was a disaster.

I'd really like to hear from someone who's not saying that after 3 to 4 days and their dc are sleeping through all night...

PenguinArmy Thu 31-Mar-11 20:38:35

well last night was a mixture of success and failure

Turns out I can settle DD (but DH yet), but I had to leave and go into the other room. When I tried sneaking back into bed she would wake after a few mins. So lots of successful resettles but a lot of sleeping on the sofa and getting up for me. Fed at the times I wanted to.

The thing the routine is very simple so am a bit confused as to why it doesn't work for DH. Open door with some light coming through, locate dummy and comforter (roo), lie her down, place comforter on chest, place dummy in (while singing twinkle twinkle) leave, close door.

last night was
bed 5pm (no feed)
7pm DH resettled (took 3 goes)
8pm feed
9:30 resettle
10:30 resettle
1:15 feed
3:30 resettle
5:00 feed
6:00 get up

mindtheagegap Thu 31-Mar-11 21:19:58

Hi everyone.

Well, last night she slept through from 7pm til 7am grin - if i knew that all i had to do was to post on here i'd have done it months ago!! mind you i think thats only cos she had SUCH a bad night the night before. Fingers x'd for tonight.

kahlua4me Thu 31-Mar-11 21:31:28

Hello
Just thought I would join in although my dc are now 4 and 7 and generally sleep though.

However, my ds, did not sleep through the night until he was 5 and 7 months! We tried everything and read every book going. Found Millpond sleep clinic very helpful. But really only time and ds getting older did the trick!

I do remember very very clearly how tired I was, how everything was a struggle and how I felt that no one else had a child that didn't sleep so therefore I must be such a failure. On worst nights he would wake about 8 to 10 times!

What I wanted to say to you all is that it does get better. Please dont beat yourself up worrying or try cc or any other method that does not suit you.

Now he sleeps I have forgotten how tired and stressed I was in much the same way as you forget the pain of labour and childbirth. It does get easier and fades into a distant memory, honest!!

Just keep concentrating on that and thinking that when our dc are teenagers we will be as stressed trying to get them out of bed!

PenguinArmy Thu 31-Mar-11 21:36:22

thanks for that kahlua.

I OK with that issue as I'm one of 5 children, 2 us were non sleepers, 1 was amazing and 2 were average. I was therefore thankfully exposed to the fact that some children are just natural non-sleepers. In fact I think my next 2 brothers slept through before I did consistently.

It does however seem to be common theme that people are told they are either doing something wrong or there is something wrong with their children (thank you MIL). People with children who slept through at an early age obviously (and understandably) don't understand. I don't blame other parents for their child not walking as early as DD did, that would be insane.

mindthegap BRILLIANT grin long may it last

LittlebearH Fri 01-Apr-11 08:29:16

Blimey, there are a few of us already!!! Just marking my place.
Am supposed to be working!!! Waves to PA

Back tonight!!

mindtheagegap Fri 01-Apr-11 21:19:55

Hi Penguin,- -It didn't sad. Still, at least I had one night - I will hold onto the fact that she CAN do it, and hopeully will do again soon. My DS (now grown up) didn't sleep through till he was 18 months, and once he did he was a brilliant sleeper.
Kahlua, I know how quickly this stage does pass (even though it doesn't feel like it at 3am!) DD is a happy bunny and i don't want to wish this time away. Before i know it she'll be hiding in her room til lunchtime and growling at me (the teenage years have not faded to a distant memory yet grin).

Murl Sat 02-Apr-11 11:49:45

me to me to!! Nearly 14 months and never slept through. Being up less that three times is a good night!! Just when I feel things are beginning to get better, she gets poorly - or at the moment she has 6 teeth coming through all at once! Poor thing. But also poor me - I have not slept through either for over a year and my God does it get me!!

My DD has no 'bad habits' - she just wants a little comfort now and again in the night, its just her personality as far as I am concerned - and In know she will get there at some point in the future.

Me and DH have not had a night out since she was born as don't feel I could ask anyone else to look after her at night. And I am beginning to get the stage of wanting to have a second baby, but the thought of having more and more sleepless nights is not so appealing...

This is a great age - so much interest and fun - I just wish I was not so tired so I could enjoy it even more.

Moan over!! Will keep checking back to see what others have to say - I feel better already!

PenguinArmy Sat 02-Apr-11 18:07:27

mindthegap It's still progress and they rarely go to just sleeping through.

welcome murl

we had a good night last nite, woke up roughly when I wanted to feed and not halfway inbetween

bed 5pm
feed 7pm (because I had to pop back in to work so I gave it to her before she woke)
feed 10:40 (was aiming for 4 hours, but for the sake of 20mins)
feed 2am (was aiming for 3 hours )
feed 4:30 (I'm not fussy about these ones, I'm happy with 2 hrs)
wake 5am let her run around for 20 mins
back to sleep 5:45am
wake 6:30

we've have been really struggling with the 5am get up, as she is clearly tired but unable to get her back off. Lately now that the teething is over, we appear to be able to settle her (well I do, DH still not but he does do naps and he tries). If this keeps up for a few days we'll then extend one of the meals

PenguinArmy Sat 02-Apr-11 18:09:51

also to echo murl I wonder if DD had just been going through a developmental spurt as she appears to understand and be able to do more all of a sudden. It's lovely. A few directed sounds (not quite words) and she can press buttons hard enough to make noises on some of her toys (obviously she can already press normal button, but those big fat ones) and generally being adorable enough for us to forget what a high needs baby she is

maltymoo Sat 02-Apr-11 20:15:35

Hello fellow tired ladies!

My DD is 14 months and has never slept through (yawn)...DS who is now 13 didn't sleep through till he was 2.5 ish so I think I just make 'em this way!I was apparently a horrible sleeper too so maybe it runs in the family..or maybe, as my mum has hinted, its payback for the many years I kept her awake!hmm

Great thread as it can feel so isolating thinking that you are the only one who still gets up in the night. I have made one or two local mum friends who have DCs with similar sleep patterns and we cling to each other for dear life sometimes...in fact we are setting up a small support group through our local clinic for other mums with older children who don't sleep well. Partly to get some support ourselves, also to share experiences and reduce some of the weird stigma that seems to be attached to having 'poor' sleepers..you know, those weird stares you get when people ask you why they still don't sleep through.

I think the current zeitgeist seems to very much focus on children sleeping through as some kind of parenting goal..when I had DS it seemed kind of a given that you would be knackered for the first few years, and lucky if you weren't. And in fact, many schools of thought say it is normal for children to night wake until 2 years or older.

Having said that I eagerly await the night when I get more than 4 hours sleep in a row!I'm currently finding that not BF DD every time she wakes is making me feel better about the whole situation..and she is sleeping longer stretches now(ie; 4 hours on a good night instead of every 2!)..but that has pretty much gone to pot this week as she has a sickness bug. Ah well!

Sorry for long post...clearly a subject close to my heart.

Good luck to you all...you are not alone in the small hours!

Murl Sat 02-Apr-11 20:23:51

good luck for tonight every one! I am on my own tonight (DH away) so fear it will be a long night (always best not to be optimistic in my experience!).
Sweet dream to your little ones x

LittlebearH Sat 02-Apr-11 20:58:12

Crikey Murl I could have written your post, in addition that me and DP have never gone out due to the babysitting anxiety!

PA God, your night is really unsettled. You are superhuman!

Huge development right now too in communicating is a lot easier. I am amazed in how much she understands.
Just wish she could understand go to sleep grin

The cranial osteopath said DD was high needs and that the wake ups are due to all the brain activity. This is the price we pay for our little genius's!

Hope a good night ahead and they all let mummy lie in till 8am 'cos it is Mother's Day tomorrow! grin grin Well we can dream.....!

Hope you all have a lovely day tomorrow.

LittlebearH Sat 02-Apr-11 21:05:01

*geniuses

OrangeBernard Sat 02-Apr-11 21:15:06

Signing in because of my 2 year old who wants to sit up and play for a couple of hours in the middle of the night most nights.

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