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Biting the bullet. Talk to me about controlled crying

(8 Posts)
blinder Sun 02-Jan-11 09:35:07

DD is 15 months and still wakes 4-5 times a night. Breastfed co-sleeper. She sleeps a bit better in her cot but I often fall back to sleep without putting her back in. I am barely coping now with the total lack of sleep.

I am starting to lose it and last night laid her back down far too roughly. Something must be done.

How do I do this cc thing? I tried letting her cry two nights ago and within 2 mins she was crying so hard she was sick all over her cot. What's the simplest / most compassionate way to do it?

elvisgirl Sun 02-Jan-11 10:00:41

Not much to say on the actual mechanics of the cc thing as I haven't used it, but the most obvious thing to me is to ask if you have a partner to assist you? If so, he/she should absolutely be involved (maybe a close relative could even help). Even tho any settling route involving someone else will still be "challenging" it will send the message that milk is not always automatically available from you as you will not be present.

This isn't to say you can't feed at night if you want - one feed a night could still be managed, with you or partner settling after. Also obviously if your DD is ill then she may need you more at night, once you have got into a better routine, or on occasion if it's getting ridiculous with someone else trying then you may have to take over - but very rarely so as not to give the expectation that you will always come eventually.

If someone else can help with night-time settling then it doesn't mean you will get loads more sleep to start with as you will almost certainly lie awake listening uncomfortably! I hope you start getting more rest soon.

blueberrysantabait Sun 02-Jan-11 10:07:20

If you have left her to cry for 2 mins and she has been sick - what makes you theink CC will work? It is the same princile - leave them to cry, go in check on them leave them to cry longer, check, cry longer, check, cry even longer check. Distresses you and LO.

With DD1 we she used to wake up and I would feed and say night night and leave the room, the moment she started crying I went in ( she stopped crying the instant I walked in the room), lay her down said night night and left, repeated until she fell asleep the first night was 40ish times, the second night was 8 or 10 the 3rd night was twice and then she just went down. Those first nights were hell but it was worth it in the end and neither of us got too distressed about it. Once she was settling herself I started cutting down the night feeds but TBH she didn't wake that often as she could settle herself.

blinder Sun 02-Jan-11 11:00:36

Elvisgirl my DP is wonderful but much more of a wuss than me. His one attempt to get her off to sleep ended with them both covering the bed in toys and playing. He is against cc but understands that I have got to the end of my rope. Maybe I should consider getting him to help. But I wonder if him panicking (almost guaranteed by her crying) will make her worse.

I'll definitely talk to him about it. Or maybe my mum who is hard as nails grin!

blinder Sun 02-Jan-11 11:05:59

Blueberry yes that is my worry but I am desperate. My loss of temper last night has worried me and I think we are going to have to have some short term pain rather than several more months of disrupted nights, me being a zombie and dd confused by inconsistent sleep training.

I have used Pantley techniques, gradual withdrawal and other methods with some success until I was forced to move in with my mum and start co-sleeping again in the week before Xmas (another story!!). Since then we have regressed back to feeding to sleep, frequent night feedings and early morning wakings. Tbh I can't stand to be around her this morning.

So I suppose I am looking for softer variations of cc which won't lead her to become completely hysterical...

blinder Sun 02-Jan-11 23:39:34

Well I couldn't face doing cc tonight so just talked her to sleep. Took 2 hours but she did eventually drop off by herself.

I'm going to start night weaning her instead of cc. I've decided to refuse to bf during the night between 7pm (bedtime) and 5am (arbitrary choice). I have a cup of water here in case she's thirsty.

My aim is that she learns to self-settle through the night instead of relying on sucking and a full belly. I really hope it doesn't take too long. DP is going to have her tomorrow afternoon for me to have a break.

Off to bed now and steeling myself.

Wish me luck.

rachael2401 Mon 03-Jan-11 08:54:16

I'm reading about sleep as I am getting frustrated with my DD too who won't go to sleep unless held. I got really fed up last night. I feel like I can't do CC but have tried the Baby Whisperer's Pick up Put Down method which took 3 hours first night and I slept next to cot and less next night ad night after. Unfortubately DD has since had a cold and so have been cuddling for comfort anbd we;'re back where we started. Last night she slept with us which is becoming more of a habit than I'd like...

blinder Mon 03-Jan-11 19:16:51

Rachael my ds was like that. I remember trying to get my arm out from under him one torturous millimetre at a time. Getting back into bad habits is exactly what I did. I figure you just have to do whatever worked last time all over again.

Last night wasn't too bad. She accepted that there was no bf and went from 7pm till 6.30 am without feeding. However, she was awake between 2 and 5! Awake but happy and went back to sleep by herself which I am counting as a WIN.

Going to try the same tonight. Hope I can continue to be cheerful about it which must be at least half the battle...

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