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Ok, definitive answer, baby down awake or asleep?

(48 Posts)
Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 14:49:27

DD2 is 11 weeks and will only sleep on me during the day, or occasionally the car seat. It seems from all the 'helpful' rl advice I am getting that I am just not doing the right thing, but what is the right thing?

Do I put her down awake but ready for a sleep and leave her to cry, or put her down when she has fed to sleep? Neither is working right now and I'm getting pretty sick of it. I'm also sick of feeling like it is my fault for holding her too much, when the alternative is to leave her to cry.

Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 15:21:53

any answer, i really need to know how to do this. dh has gone out with dd1 and i am going to spend the afternoon and evening stuck on the sofa.

HelenLG Sun 05-Dec-10 15:25:25

This probably isn't the answer that you want but neither is wrong.

11 weeks is still very young to expect a baby to self settle. A lot of people still feed their babies to sleep at a year old, others do control crying from about 6 months.

If you aren't happy to let your baby fall asleep on you, then there are a couple of different things you can try, there's shh/pat by Tracey Hogg, or there's 'The no cry sleep solution' by Elizabeth Pantley.

I tend to you an adapted version of shh/pat and white noise.

You're baby will eventually learn to fall asleep on their own, whether you do sleep training or not. It's like anything with babies, they will either learn it naturally in their own time or maybe (and it's a big maybe) sooner with your assistance.

I have yet to come across an adult who can't fall to sleep.

The most important thing is to remember it's not your fault, you're doing a good job and giving her all the love and support that she needs right now.

Sorry I can't be more help.

ItsJustMyOpinion Sun 05-Dec-10 15:29:33

My dd would only ever sleep on me during the day, or in one of those bouncer things, that had a vibrator on. She would never sleep in her cot during the day, probably our fault for not doing it from the day e came home. But even now she is 2, when she has a nap during the day it is on the sofa.

I would suggest that if you do not want her to get used to sleeping on you, then put her down whilst she is awake, but ready for a sleep.

One thing I never did was let my dd sleep whilst being fed, but that was just something I did.

HTH smile

Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 15:30:06

Thanks for the reply. i don't mind feeding her to sleep, i just want her to stay/go to sleep when i put her down. i'm fed up being stuck on the sofa, and fed up with having her in the sling.

HelenLG Sun 05-Dec-10 15:36:31

Do you find that she wakes as soon as you put her down?

One tip I read was to hold them in a blanket whilst you feed them to sleep and then when you put them down they are still warm and it still smells like you.

ItsJustMyOpinion Sun 05-Dec-10 15:37:40

Do you have one of [ 3767711/Trail/searchtext%3EBABY+BOUNCER.htm these] or similar? you could try putting your dc into it after falling asleep on you, which will then free you up to do something else. We used one with our dd and it worked wonders, especially when the vibration was turned on

Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 15:38:19

yep, or after a few mins. i have her wrapped in the blanket now, feeding, ready to put her down!

next question. best to put her in her night time bed or not?

mousesma Sun 05-Dec-10 15:39:10

I agree with HelenLG at this age you do whatever works.

My DD (21 weeks) has never slept in her cot for naps and will always fight daytime sleep. I get her to nap with a combination of feeding to sleep then transferring to her bouncy chair, vigorous bouncing in her bouncy chair or by talking her for a walk in her pram.

Yet at nighttime I can put her down awake in her cot with a dummy and she will drop off by herself.

I find that if she wakes up and cries when being transferred to her bouncy chair I can get her back to sleep by putting a hand on her tummy and gently touching the side of her face so she knows she hasn't been abandoned. I also sit near the bouncy chair while she is napping so that everytime she starts to stir I can bounce her back to sleep.

ItsJustMyOpinion Sun 05-Dec-10 15:39:34

try this link the last one didnt work!

HelenLG Sun 05-Dec-10 15:41:09

DS has always gone in his cot for naps. We also use an abrievated version of his night time routine for naps so he knows certain ques for bed time.

Can you drop the side of your cot right down? I've found with DS that if I put him down asleep, he will stay asleep if I put a hand on his chest and sit with him for 5-10 minutes just to reassure him I'm there.

Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 15:41:48

i've got something similar but wouldn't be able to put her in it without waking her. she occasionally falls asleep in a swinging chair but never for more than 5 mins.

Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 15:43:22

she sleeps in an amby nest. she goes down (mostly) fine at night and sleeps about 7 hours.

HelenLG Sun 05-Dec-10 15:45:43

Do you have a bedtime routine for her that maybe you could take element from for the daytime naps?

Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 16:34:22

No, just swaddling, then cluster feeding.

I thought I'd done it just now, she was asleep, wrapped in a blanket, she fell asleep and I made a little nest for her on the duvet against a cushion, she lasted 5 minutes before waking up, I tried leaving her to see if she would settle back down but she didn't.

i don't mind persevering with something if i just knew what to persevere with.

Igglystuffedfullofturkey Sun 05-Dec-10 17:21:25

Are you laying her flat on her back? Is she winded? If she's on you, she;s on an incline so more comfy, especially if there's a bit of wind. I'd try putting her basket on a bit of a slope (e.g book under the head end) or put her on her left hand side (as wind comes up easier) if you're awake and with her the whole time.

Iwasthefourthwiseman Sun 05-Dec-10 17:35:48

tried both. actually my friend managed to get her off to sleep yesterday and put her on her side, she slept for about half an hour.

right now she is wrapped in a blanket in her car seat with my ipod on white noise. no joy. she went in asleep, i kept my hand on her but she woke up.

i'm just so frustrated. i have a 3 year old too, my house is a fecking mess, i have christmas present to make...arrgghhh!

Igglystuffedfullofturkey Sun 05-Dec-10 17:43:59

Mmmm I do remember DS "waking up" (as I remember) around 12 weeks. He went from having nice long naps of 2 hours to short 30-45 min ones, even if he was in the sling. Perhaps that's what is happening here? You can stick her in the bouncy chair so she can watch you make the present, do chores etc? I used to do that with DS, as well as using a sling. He used to grizzle towards the end of the day once he was tired but apart from that, he was ok (I did have him nap in his sling all the time apart from that though)

Iwasthefourthwiseman Mon 06-Dec-10 15:26:46

Today i have tried putting her down asleep, putting her in her hammock awake while i bounced her and tried shing and patting, she screamed for 15 mins!

HelenLG Mon 06-Dec-10 16:04:11

How long is she awake for in between sleeps?

Iwasthefourthwiseman Mon 06-Dec-10 16:08:41

I don't know, I don't really pay attention to timings. I just know she has had perhaps 2 or 3 half hour naps today.

Thanks for your PM btw, I was just about to reply. I'm not sure that the EASY routine really fits in with demand feeding. How do you stop a bfed baby feeding to sleep.

Ok, after the screaming in the hammock I fed her some more, she fell asleep, managed to get her back into the hammock without waiting, only for her to wake up 10 mins later, she is now in the car seat (awake) and I am jiggling with my feet.

I seem to be getting more and more stressed about this, but I just need her to sleep during the day!

HelenLG Mon 06-Dec-10 17:01:08

What about breastfeeding her on a pillow and then when she's asleep just moving her to one side next to you?

Then she's not on you but it close to you.

I really do understand how you feel, DS doesn't like sleeping during the day and there are tears every nap time but they only last for a minute or so now.

Iwasthefourthwiseman Mon 06-Dec-10 18:36:31

tried that too, it used to work, till she was about 3 weeks old, now no such luck.

stickersarecurrency Mon 06-Dec-10 18:44:46

My DD is also 11 weeks and also a bit iffy about being put down. I feed her under a blanket so she doesn't get cold, use flannelette sheets and wait until she's sound, sound asleep before moving her. Personally I'd forget about putting her down awake etc, you're too stressed and you need the breaks even if they're only brief. You can worry about self-settling at a later date. Just now she settles easiest in the morning so I put her down if poss and get stuff done then, and use the sling for afternoon naps.

stickersarecurrency Mon 06-Dec-10 18:48:34

and if you get nowhere with that, try feeding her lying down on your bed with a cushion supporting her back and a blanket over her and between her body and yours so you can escape without her getting cold and waking. My first was utterly awful about naps and eventually around 20 weeks I discovered this trick and enjoyed the odd 45 minute respite thereafter. Much sympathy though, it sucks. More so with an older one running round, feeling your pain there too!

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