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Have exhausted the options and am trying out cc tonight - could really do with some support

(12 Posts)
aliceinlalaland Tue 30-Nov-10 03:58:27

DD2 is 9 months. Generally a good sleeper but recently waking for hours at a time. I've heard mention of 9 month sleep disturbance and would happily do the necessary to get her off to sleep again but nothing works: bottles, rocking, patting, dummies, letting her crawl around the living room while I MN, co-sleeping. She wails, thrashes around, rubs her eyes so i think she is just overtired. I desperately need sleep if I am to cope with dd1, work etc during the day. I'm going in at regular intervals but it doesn't actually seem to make much difference. She's been crying for an hour and 20 mins at various intensities. I've caved in and picked her up a couple of times but she just carries on crying regardless. Feeling so terrible about doing this but don't know what else to do.

Sounds like she's going off now but dreading the same thing happening tomorrow. Please someone reassure me that I'm not doing untold damage and that this will eventually work.

Babieseverywhere Tue 30-Nov-10 04:14:58

Young babies go through phrases of not sleeping and other upsetting behaviour. But this is not set in stone, even if you did nothing about her sleeping, I bet her sleep pattern would change again. (for the better or worse)

Does leaving her crying make things easier or harder on you and her ? Personally I do
whatever gives me the most amount of sleep.
Good luck, whatever you decide too do.

Babieseverywhere Tue 30-Nov-10 04:17:24

Assuming you have already dosed her up with calipol, just in case she is going down with something.

aliceinlalaland Tue 30-Nov-10 13:48:50

Thanks babies - trouble is it doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference what I do (and yes, I'm making sure she's dosed up with calpol). When I can soothe her I'm happy to do so e.g. one of the times I went in last night she calmed down when I stroked her head so I did that for ages then she suddenly started flailing about again and rubbing her eyes so I stopped and left her to it because I thought I was keeping her awake.

So basically doing controlled crying (for the one night I have tried it) is not giving me any more sleep because I'm awake listening to her and worrying about her anyway. But being in the room with her and not being able to do anything gets so frustrating that I can't see any option but to leave her for a while. I've been going in every 15mins at least. It took an hour and a half for her to fall back to sleep.

Any thoughts, advice, success stories (!) would be v welcome

rr16 Wed 01-Dec-10 18:20:58

Nobody embarks on CC without being completely and utterly desperate. I definately was.

It's seriously hard but ultimately worthwhile... JUST DON'T GIVE IN.

Tell yourself that what you're doing is for everyone's well being. Neither you nor dc are right without lots of sleep.

It sometimes took hours for my ds to settle but I just paced the house/prayed/did anything until it was time to go back in. Dh and I argued coz we were both stressed out with it, I sobbed one night out of frustration but eventually (and it really does feel like it takes forever but it's not - it took us a week) dc will settle and fall off to sleep alone and relatively quickly.

Good luck xXx

mrsmarple Wed 01-Dec-10 20:15:14

I did controlled crying but only when I had reached rock bottom. I totally agree with what rr16 says - once you have started you have to see it through. Otherwise I think it is cruel on the baby as you are giving them mixed messages.
It works and transformed our lives here - good luck!

PaulineMole Wed 01-Dec-10 20:20:48

i did cc with dd1 at 6mo
we left quite short intervals, going in every 2 mins, rising to 10mins maximum
the longest she cried was over an hour, at 4am on the 1st night
by night 3 she slept through with no tears. she is as far as i can tell psychologically unscathed.

have you chocolate? wine?

BarbaraWindsor Wed 01-Dec-10 20:21:29

Is she teething? It sounds likely - something is causing her not to be able to sleep.

I would generally assume hunger or tummy ache or failing those, pain.

So yes calpol if a baby is being like this.

I'm sorry, I couldn't leave a baby's side if it was crying - even if I didn't pick it up.

I just couldn't.
I know you must be desperate. Best of luck, try other things, is she too little for nurofen? if the calpol is failing. it is a short, short phase.

aliceinlalaland Thu 02-Dec-10 11:00:10

Thanks for all your messages. Night before last she slept through, then last night awake again for 2.5 hours. Was feeling terribly guilty about the whole thing so tried rocking her to sleep, bent over the cot for ages stroking etc, then when none of it worked, went back to going in at regular intervals. I know I know, inconsistent and not what you're meant to do but i find it hard to think straight at 3 in the morning when she's crying and DH and I are knackered. She stops crying when I'm in the room with her (at least when I first go back in) but won't actually go to sleep - I think it's partly just a distraction for her. But it's weird, she crying as in making noise but it's not like really distressed crying i.e. there are no actual tears. She just seems really overtired and moany but unable to sleep. I really don't know what to do. I am completely knackered and so is DH (I'm the one getting up but the rooms are all close together so it keeps him up too) and it's affecting DD1's sleep a bit too.

BarbaraW I hear what you're saying about not leaving them and was thinking about it throughout last night! I just don't know what else to do. I've been giving calpol but the teething has actually subsided and she doesn't seem in pain (no red cheeks, temperature or drooling).

Babieseverywhere Sun 05-Dec-10 10:27:01

Would it be helpful to think about getting a doctors opinion on DD2 ?

Just because she shows no signs doesn't mean she is not in some pain...ear ache, headache, stomach ache or something. Even if the result is a clean bill of health then that is something you can tick off the list ?

If your DH is not doing half of the night waking and needs his sleep, my DH would recommend wax earplugs from Boots. Maybe he can sleep in the spare room (if you have one), leaving you with the baby in your room. Though if you both work, he should be doing half the night wakings with you.

Have you tried taking baby straight to bed with you in the early evening, before she gets over tired and starts to cry ? Even if this means going to bed at 7pm and leaving DD1 with DH. Maybe if you could break the cycle of over tiredness then her sleeping pattern will change again for the better. Just take the laptop and baby to bed have a cuddle together and keep the lights dimmed and the room quiet and relaxing. Worth a try ?

nowwearefour Sun 05-Dec-10 10:30:27

if you know you have tried everyhting else and if you are determined to stick to it and see it through then it will work. it will be worth it. but it will be a v painful journey toget there. make sure you are b oth fully on board with this decision and help each other to STICK TO IT once you ahve begun.

Babieseverywhere Sun 05-Dec-10 10:50:28

I don't believe leaving a baby to cry always works, it will work for some babies and at what cost ? Isn't there long term effects from the chemical build up in such a young brain ? <BE needs to get out Love Matters book and reread>

Never understood why there is a general perception that if you start parenting in a certain way you must continue through hell and high water. What is wrong with saying it isn't working, lets try something new ?

I have certainly changed my parenting methods (such as they are) over the last 4 years and three children. That said I have no patience to listen to a child crying and needing comfort.

After all if I am so upset or angry that I am crying, I expect attention and comfort from my DH and friends. Don't my children deserve the same level of respect ?

I do let them moan a bit if over tired, no dashing up the stairs for no reason on one hand but no sobbing without a hug either....that said I did end up with three sleeping children in our family bed last night and we all slept (as well as our colds allowed) grin

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