de-attachment-parenting a toddler's bedtime!

[duedec2]

My nearly two-year-old DS1 goes to sleep lying in his cot - with one arm through the bars and on the neck of either me or my husband or, for his daytime sleep, his nanny. I don't really mind this - it seems like a nice way to go to sleep and doesn't take too long. He then sleeps pretty well. In early jan, howeverm I'm having a second baby and imagine this high maintenance bedtime mightnt be too practical. So I need to teach DS1 to go to sleep alone. I don't want to leave him to cry, not alone, for long, anyway, as he's never done that - any ideas how I could love away more slowly than that? I need to sort this out soon as we are shortly to move house and it would feel a bit cruel doing this in a new place. Many thanks in advance for any ideas.

[Danthe4th]

Why not try slowly moving further away at bedtime.
week 1 - fall asleep with you touching his hand or arm inside the cot.
week 2 - sit by the side of the cot
week 3 - sit in the middle of the room
week 4 sit by the door
week 5 sit on the landing
or something like that.

[BertieBotts]

Have you got a copy of the no cry sleep solution? There's a toddler edition too. It might have some useful suggestions.

I agree with Danthe4th's suggestion as well though.

[Habbibu]

Agree with Danthe's suggestion, but would also say that with a 2yo you should explain what you're going to do, so that he's aware of the change - maybe do the whole big boy thing, or offer an extra story in the morning for each night he doesn't fuss about it.

[BertieBotts]

Although actually I just wanted to add - maybe the move (or the move to a big bed) would be a good time to make the change. He might just take it for granted that as he's moving into a big boy bed the routine he's used to is changing, and be quite happy with that.

I think you can change things quite drastically or suddenly while sticking to AP principles as long as you are prepared to take a step backwards if it doesn't work out, and not take the cold turkey approach. And talk to him about the upcoming changes as Habbibu says. My DS is nearly two as well and I quite often forget to tell him about things which are going to happen because I always think he won't understand, but I have really tried to remember recently as I've noticed if I tell him about something, whether he seems to understand or not, he copes much better with it when it does happen.

[Habbibu]

oh, yyy to briefing A Lot at this age. It was my mum's top tip - from quite an early age, and worked a charm on dd. She was so much more biddable when she knew what was happening - it reduces what Aitch described as the "WTF-ness of being a toddler".

[BertieBotts]

Yes, now I know how well it works I feel horribly guilty when something happens that I haven't warned him about and he looks so bewildered :( Today for example we were having a lovely time with my sister in town and then suddenly she noticed the time and had to go, and her bus was at the stop so no time for lingering goodbyes or explanations. DS shouted "Nooo, Damin, doooop!" (No, Catherine, stop!) :( We did wave at the bus as it went past which placated him a bit but I felt awful!

The one that gets me though is his Dad - we're not together any more and he sees him most weekends but cancels a lot. I feel like I can't tell DS he's coming in case he's late or doesn't turn up, poor thing gets awfully confused :( I have tried to explain this to him but he's usually "ill" so doesn't give much notice at all.

[duedec2]

Thanks so much everyone for the advice, will I will follow - the gradual thing sounds sensible as do the repeat briefings. Kudos to you BB for understanding the importance of that, under tricky circs.