Calling all Co-Sleepers - how did you make it safe?

[jinglesticks]

Hi I was wondering if any mums who had success with co-sleeping (i.e. in the same bed as you, not just in a bed-side cot)could answer some questions that I have been wondering about.

1. What did you do to try to make it safe and stop baby falling off the bed and stop you and dp squashing them?
   
   
2. What did you do about bed-time? Did you just always go to bed at the same time as dc or did you join them in bed later?
   
   
3. What did you do about naps? did you nap with dc? If not did you put them in a cot for naps? If you left them in your bed how did you make that safe?
   
   Thanks for the advice

[LadyMetroland]

1. get rid of dp unless you have kingsized bed. Put bed up against wall ensuring no space to slip down the side. you have to ensure no pillows or duvet can smother them so I used to wear a big dressing gown in bed for warmth and sleep with the duvet down to waist height with dd sleeping above the line of the duvet at my chest height
   
   
2. when small I'd put to bed at 7 and leave there until I went up, pillows around the edge. If they're near rolling age then bed guard down the side or use a bedside cot
   
   
3. naps for us were always in pram or in my arms (obv a first child!)
   
   everyone's experience is different so hopefully someone else will be along soon to give some different answers

[coatgate]

DD slept on my right, in the crook of my arm, DP on the other side. Like LadyMet, had the duvet turned down so no danger of smothering.

When I saw the thread title my first flippant reaction was 'By not sleeping'- because to be honest I don't think I ever fell into a deep sleep. DD used to BF at will during the night.

DD would often sleep early evening in her car seat (I used to take her up to the stables with me and she would fall asleep on the way back)or on my knee. I would then take her to bed when I went.

She is 10 now and still sleeps with me if feeling scared (Dr Who/Merlin) sick, or generally needy. DH sleeps in her bed.

[togarama]

1. DD slept between us but within the circle of my body and some distance from DH. (We have a big bed and he stayed close to the edge.) I'm very conscious of DD even when asleep and just automatically move to acommodate and protect her. (It's hard to describe.) We also put up safety rails at the side of our bed just in case she rolled when one of us had gone to the loo in the night etc.. We stopped using duvets and pillows until she was around 12 months and kept sheets and blankets tucked low down.
   

1. DD just comes to bed with me at around 2200-2230 and sleeps well, feeding in her sleep, until around 0800-0830. (I know this is much later than most people but we seem to get more and better sleep than average so it's working for us.)
   

1. Nap location has always varied. Most frequently DD would just nap in a sling / wrap while we were out and about. When she was very little I also kept a small cot in the kitchen / living room so that I had somewhere safe to put her down if she fell asleep playing, door bell rang etc.. Now that she's older (18 months) we just let her nap on a big cushion or folded blanket next to her toy box or the sofa with cushions on the floor next to it. I'd only put her to bed in the daytime if one of us was also having a rest. (This is partially because our bedroom is at the top of the house and I worry that I won't hear her waking up.)

[jinglesticks]

Thanks - this such lovely, laid-back advice. Its nice to hear that co-sleeping can work without causing to many inconveniences. :)

[nuttyone]

I sent DP next door as he is very clumsy when sleeping and can't sleep deeply because he worries about squishing her. If i had fed her she would be asleep in the crook of my arm, then if i woke i'd turn over and face away (was useful when she wanted to 'stay awake' short hair is useful too). Left pillows on the floor of the side of the bed which wasn't against the wall and would tuck the duvet under her on that side. Mostly just put the duvet over her up to her armpits, in the summer put a blanket over her.
Occasionally would put her in the cot at night, sometimes at the start then bring her into bed when she woke, sometimes put her into the cot after a feed. She naps on the middle of the bed during the day if we are home on top of the duvet and under a blanket.
She is a really easy going baby and i work long shifts now so need my sleep and like the rested feeling of lying down to BF.

[coatgate]

Nutty - didn't your neighbours mind?

[mrsgordonfreeman]

I have dd's cot, which she's slept in about 10 times in total (good use of £200 there) against my side of the bed and dh on the other. If it's warm enough I use a king sized cellular blanket for dd and I. DH is a duvet pincher anyway so it works out quite well.

I have a towel under the sheet on my side to absorb milk or other leaks.

That's it really: as for naps, dd sometimes sleeps in her swing, in her pram or on my lap if I'm watching TV, and otherwise she sleeps in the bed on her own.

[Hannispan]

I have co-slept with both my daughters and for a month co-slept with a new baby and a clingy toddler quite safely and all happily. My toddler had been sleeping in her own bed but the arrival of her sister promted her to return to my bed (and my breast!) but within 4 weeks she quite happily moved back to her own bed.

1. Put the mattress on the floor or a rolled up duvet next to the bed so if baby does fall s/he has a soft landing. Though I have to say I think they learn pretty quickly how to cope, both my daughter fell out of bed a couple of times in the early days but not after 6 months. I sleep exactly as LadyMetroland in a dressing gown with baby in a sleeping bag. As a tip mens shirts make great nightwear as they are thick, warm and have buttons for easy feeding plus have long sleeves.
   
2. Baby came to sleep with me intially but from about 6 months I put them to bed in the bed on their own at 8 p.m.
   
3. Daytime naps in the bed by themselves (I live in a flat so it is easy to keep an eye) or on the move in the sling.
   Co-sleeping definately makes night feeding easier - my mum sleeps over one night a week and she maintains that my 8 month old feeds 4 times a night but I am not aware of it! I think I would be exhausted if I had to get up and feed 4 times a night :-)

[Rockbird]

I co-sleep with DD and have since she was about 6 months old.

TBH I kicked DH out of the bed. It is superking sized but still, he sleeps with the duvet round his ears and I feared for her.

I took to sleeping a bit further down in the bed so that my head was level with her bottom IYSWIM. That meant I could pull the duvet up as far as I wanted without worrying about DD being smothered. DD was in a sleeping bag.

Mostly even now one of us goes to bed with DD (she's 2.8yo) but we come back downstairs when she's asleep.

Naps, well she's always been rubbish at napping and always has napped in the car or on the sofa.

[jinglesticks]

Thanks again for the brilliant advice. I'm still really worried about her falling out so I shall try the pillows on the floor.

[frikadela]

I studied cosleeping university which involved recording over 100 new mums during the night to see how they managed it and we found the following.

• The vast majority slept with covers as far down as possible with their knees up and the arm they were laid on above their head. The baby then slept in the space between between knees and arm iyswim. This left one arm free to touch the baby.
  

• Most would habitually touch their baby throughout the night as if checking him. Most could not remember doing this upon waking suggesting it was a subconcious behaviour.
  

• When babies were beginning to role some used bed sides, pillows, towels etc to stop baby rolling off bed but there was equal success with the few who were in lower beds with a crashmat or pillow on the floor just in case.
  

As a general rule cosleeping if done sensibly is very safe, for those people who get nosy parkers saying it will create clingy children I am here to tell you that most long term research suggest that children who have coslept with parents up to 12 months are more confident and secure in themselves.

Sorry this has been long.

Happy cosleeping!

[jinglesticks]

Excellent feedback frikadela - and what an interseting topic to have studied. Thanks a lot

[frikadela]

My pleasure but the credit goes to my former lecturer Professor Helen Ball. I believe everyone should take her course Evolutionary medicine. Its all about the evolutionary aspects of pregnancy and childhood.

Very insightful and greatly influenced my own parenting choices.

[jardins]

Yay to Frikadela and Professor Helen Ball! I have co-slept with all three children; my youngest being nearly 8 months. I can vouch for confident children. My eldest daughter is 14 and, depsite, some tough issues she had to deal with when little (her biological father doing a disappearing act when she was 2 with no news since) she is a gorgeously happy, confident young girl. My six year old DS was a tough cooky to deal with at nights and ended up co-sleeping until he was four (yes, four!!!) and now I can see the joyful confident chappy he is becoming too as well as the wonderful 'single' sleeper he is now.

Co-sleeping for me wasn't a choice rather an instinct and necessity. I am far too lazy to get up and fetch a crying baby from his cot several times a night to breastfeed: it is so much more wonderful to be cuddling your LO in bed and the months/years pass so quickly.

Enjoy.

[frikadela]

My mum was disgusted with me when she found out my plans to cosleep. She even went out and bought a gorgeous cot that matched my furniture beautifully and was not cheap.

But as I told her to most mums who do cosleep it is just instinct, but so is tossing and turning so didnt trust myself at first. Took me several weeks of light dozing before I was comfortable to just sleep.

Loved the fact that I didnt really need to fully wake up to BF. Just whipped it out and LO had a quick suck and was content

Unfortunately I had to stop cosleeping last month (LO is 13 month) as DP was getting fed up with sharing the bed.

LO transferred to the cot quite well but still mananges to find her way into my bed at around 4.00 ish nearly every night as I miss having her in with me She just will not settle