How can I improve this, even just a bit?

[belindarose]

DD is 13 mo. Sleep has never been good, since around 4 mo, but really is getting worse and worse. Yesterday/ last night/ today is a typical example. Nap yesterday from 9.15am till about 10.45. Attempt to get her to nap around 2pm. Tried for an hour and gave up. Bed and asleep at 6.15 (unusually easy to get to sleep) then woke at least once an hour until 3am, sometimes needing BF to get back to sleep. 3am - 5am awake, with me trying to get her to sleep. Up for the day at 6.30am. 9am - just now, 10.30 trying to get her to sleep. Seems like I've spent the whole morning, well I have, trying to get her to sleep, meaning she's had no chance to play or do anything else!

Some days she'll nap happily at 9am and 1pm, or one or the other. Most nights recently it's been taking till 8pm to get her to sleep, despite starting bedtime at 6pm. I've been trying really hard to make sure we're at home for most naps and have been working, for the last two weeks or so, on trying to get her into her cot awake (had mostly been falling asleep in my arms then transferred to cot). DH is working long hours with little time off so I've moved a mattress for me into DD's room to interrupt his sleep less.

She wants to go into her cot, but once there can't fall asleep. She really, really wants to hold onto my clothing while she falls asleep and gets angry when I try to move away. I've tried for months to introduce a comforter but they make her either excited (and so wake up more to play with it) or really angry (so throws it furiously out of the cot).
She sucks her thumb and does seem to be trying to go to sleep.

Sorry for the ramble, I don't even know what I'm asking. Just in floods of tears after so many broken nights. Need to do a job application now, that's why I was so desperate for her to sleep. How I'll manage to go to work with sleep like this, I don't know.

She is otherwise totally adorable, busy and bright and walking well.

[belindarose]

Do I make no sense at all? Probably not.

[MdmeBovary]

No advice but in similar situation with 6mo. Feel like I spend the whole day trying to make her sleep, which usually ends up with her crying but if she doesn't sleep she is whingey all day. Goes to bed pretty easily at 6.30, drowsy but not asleep, but is never able to do more than a 2 or 3 hour stretch. I know she's probably overtired but can't think how to get her to sleep more during the day.

[DonDons]

cut out the morning nap ( you may have to do this gradually ie reduce by 5 minutes day for a week) and bring the lunch time nap forward to 12.30 (or just after lunch) but don't let her have more than 2 hours. Then try and get her to go to bed at 7pm.

[belindarose]

Do you thinks she's old enough to just have one nap? She's usually exhausted by 9am or before. On the occasions she has missed a nap (on holiday, or just refusal) night times have been just as bad or worse.

MdmeBovary - you've probably thought of this, but have you tried a sling for daytime naps? DD liked sleeping in one at that age (and sometimes still does, just not for long).

[angel1976]

You need to drop the morning nap from the sounds of it. Both my boys dropped their morning naps by about 11 months. They will initially struggle to get to lunchtime for their naps - today DS2 (10.5 months) fell asleep at 11.15am for an epic 3-hour nap! I find it easier to keep him up in the morning if we go and do something, today it was a toddler play session and he almost fell asleep in the car but I managed to keep him awake to get home so I could give him a bottle of milk (days like these, I will just give him milk first and he can have a late lunch when he wakes up).

Don't worry too much about the transfer to cot thing, they will learn to sleep by themselves eventually. I still give DS2 a cuddle for when he goes to sleep but increasingly, I have realised that if I put him down and he gets a little angry, he likes being patted on his chest and he will happily go off.

As for the comforter issue, I've always introduced that very early on, from about 4/5 months old though they don't 'take' to it till later on (about 10 months). You need to be persistent with it. DS2 is now going through the stage of swinging it about and flinging it when I am trying to put him to sleep. I just pick it up and tuck it in with him as he is falling asleep in my arms and then he will just hold it as he sleeps. They need the chance to build their attachment to it. In your case, I would wait till she is asleep, then tuck it in with her. Eventually she will associate it with sleep and the smell of it will comfort her. DS2 is 2.7 and loves his 'blankie' and it really helps in establishing a firm bedtime routine.

Try and go with the flow a bit. I know it's hard. DS1 was very routined and it worked for us. With DS2, he's a lot less routined partly because we can't be tied to a routine as I have a very active toddler to entertain, and also because I had more confidence in myself to parent a lot less 'strictly'.

[angel1976]

I meant to say good luck! Sleep deprivation is hard, I'm just starting to come out of it now and DS2 is 10.5 months... Things will get easier, it's hard to think of it when you are sleep deprived.

[belindarose]

Thanks. Have skipped the early nap today and got her through, albeit a little grumpily, till 11am. Just been to resettle her after an hour and she went back to sleep quickly. We'll see what happens!
Interesting thoughts about the comforter, angel1976. I decided last night, before reading your post, to let her choose something to take to bed (she's very into her dolls and soft toys!). She picked a lovely soft teddy and I left it in the cot, just tucking it in when she was asleep. During the night wakings, she let me easily remove her hand from my pyjamas to put it on the teddy, so that was an improvement. Also added advantage of making her look extra cute, so I can't feel so annoyed!!
Oh dear, awake again...!

[belindarose]

Ha ha, it was someone else's baby crying outside!!

[angel1976]

Well done belindarose! I think if you stick to the current plan of forcing her into a later nap and also introducing a comforter, it will help things. Took DS2 to the toy library this morning and he was falling asleep on the way home and I had to keep tickling his feet (thank god I drive an automatic!) to keep him awake and made it home to give him a bottle of milk before he fell dead asleep and he's still sleeping 1.5 hours later.

Babies do give up their morning naps at different ages but in my experience, it's quite a hard one to transition. DS1 was showing signs of dropping his morning nap at about 11 months old but it was not till he was 13/14 months that he could make it till 12/12.30pm for the big nap. So it was a lot of faffing about with milk/solids feeding times till then. Sounds like you are on the right track though.

If she does 'adopt' one of her toys as a comforter, make sure you have another one, otherwise it gets truly complicated if one is in the wash / gets lost! Currently, my DS1 goes to bed with his 'blankie', a soft owl called Bluey, a monkey and a couple of books!

[belindarose]

Shame she chose her expensive 'Steiff' teddy then! Might rethink that one before she gets too attached! The nap was only 90 minutes, including the resettling, but I suppose that's not too bad. We'll do a very early night again and hope for the best. Do you think this might help with the very frequent night wakings in the long run?

[Igglybuff]

Hi belindarose. My DS is nearly 1 - he has a much earlier morning nap (8.30-9am for 45 mins) then 90 mins at 12.30pm with bed at 6.30pm. If he doesn't nap well in the day, he crashes and then after midnight can be waking a lot.

I think the drop to one nap happens around 14-18 months.

He also has a comforter and I think uses it to get back to sleep as I find it at the opposite end of the cot in the morning.

Does your DD walk yet? My DS sleeps much better if we get him out in the park and let him run around.

[belindarose]

Well, bedtime was quick and easy, but she woke 6 times in the first two hours and every hour after that.
Needed help in some form to get back to sleep every time.
Thanks Igglybuff. Your napping schedule sounds more like what I'd been trying to do. Perhaps she is a bit young to drop the early one? Maybe if I keep it short she'll still want a late lunchtime one? Oh it's so complicated! I was very much into going with the flow when she was younger and it was less stressful (nights seem no better or worse whatever I do!!). Yes, she is walking. I make sure I get her out as much as possible.

[tiredpooky]

hello, nightweaned my 3-8 bfs a night DD 1m ago at 14m, it was so damn easier than i thought and she is sleeping soooo much better -slept thro last night. i do cosleep tho after 1st waking, i just said no milk go sleep, yes she was angry but got hang of it after 3n and i was never shattered doing it
also when my DD diff to nap i stick her in my connecta sling and walk her round
it NEVER bleedin fails not ever

[Igglybuff]

I think keep the early one and keep it short so she'll still want the post lunch one. After a (hopefully) big lunch and feed, she'll sleep better. Then out in the afternoon for walking around. Probably take a week or so to get her back on track.

[AngelDog]

I'd agree with IgglyBuff as usual. :)

There's also a common sleep regression around 13 months for many babies which may be making things even worse. More info here and here.

[belindarose]

Thanks. Yesterday was a two nap day anyway as she was so exhausted from her poor night that there was no way I could have kept her awake. Didn't want the early afternoon nap then, but fell asleep for 45 mins in the car at 2pm. Bedtime took ages, so maybe if she has an afternoon nap bedtime needs to be a bit later (7pm rather than 6pm?).
She does also always sleep in the connecta, tiredpooky. Maybe I'm getting too obsessed about sleeping in the cot and how long she sleeps for - connecta naps are usually shortish. I'm aiming to night wean now too.
AngelDog, I've read your links to sleep regression before. Unfortunately we never got out of the 4 month one! But good to know it's normal.