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URGENT - mumsnet on Radio Ulster at 9.30 your opinions needed

(46 Posts)
carriemumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 03-Aug-05 08:19:57

Hi all

We have been asked to give opinions on Radio Ulster on whether parents should modify ours and our children's behaviour because there might be paedophiles around. ie should you think about how your chidren are dressed etc

I think I know what I think but it would be great to have some other thoughts from you.

The story is on the back of a paedophile being released into the community in N Ireland.

I've only got 5 mins - so won't have time to say much - but your thoughts in brief would be appreciated.

nailpolish Wed 03-Aug-05 08:21:12

i think i do this subconsciously (think about how i dress dd's etc)

Charlee Wed 03-Aug-05 08:24:01

I think the way some parents dress there kids today is terrible! i see young girls dressed in short skirts, crop tops tottering on highheels even at 3 years old!, if i had a daughter i would never let her wear clothes like this, all they are is clothes women were to be prodocative but on a baby! especially when you go tot he beach and see toddlers in bikinis! and in my opinion this cannot help the phedophile situation, there are obviously these people about andthey dont need encouraging! i know we should beable to dress our kids the way we want but, but its just not fesablie these days with the people that are around on the street.

ggglimpopo Wed 03-Aug-05 08:25:36

Message withdrawn

Moomin Wed 03-Aug-05 08:25:38

I think that some clothes, esp for young girls are provocative and unsuitable, and just because they are 'fashionable' some parents may not realise the messages that could be given off. I object to any colthes revealing too much skin, eg crop tops and logos/slogans that are in any way sexual. I do think it's the parnets' responsibility to monitor this but it's also a sad reflection on what is seen as 'ok' for kids. Let them be kids for as long as poss!

cadbury Wed 03-Aug-05 08:27:24

I am very concerned when I see little girls running around in very adult style clothing - very cropped tops, thngs with writing on the bum, slogans like "sex pot" on litle kids clothing. I wouldn't allow my kids to wear these and am very worried about the fashion worlds attempt to sexualize children in this way.

I think people in general are much more wary of where their kids are and who is around them in public places.

Nemo1977 Wed 03-Aug-05 08:30:42

I think some girls clothes are very provocative and wouldnt want a daughter of mine to be wearing them. Children can easily be confused and sexual advances could be seen as a sign of comfort or care. I do think I am overly aware of what my son wears and if I had a daughter then I would be hyper alert.

Nemo1977 Wed 03-Aug-05 08:31:57

agree with cadbury, also items such as bra tops for three year olds it sexulises child

Yorkiegirl Wed 03-Aug-05 08:35:39

Message withdrawn

Hattie05 Wed 03-Aug-05 08:35:42

I don't like "teenage" clothes for toddlers fullstop regardless of paedophiles.

I think the media hypes society up about paedophiles and that society has become overly paranoid.

I don't feel i need to modify mine or my child's behaviour for the reason that a paedophile might be around - could get run over by a bus tomorrow! I don't post pics of my dd on the internet because i find that all a bit odd anyway paedophile's or not. I don't let my child out of my sight - because i don't want to lose her - paedophile's or not. You see the pattern?

I allow my child to run naked on the beach, because i want her to enjoy freedom and innocence of being a child, without any self-consciousness. Obviously i put her in a t-shirt to protect from sunshine but thats the only reason. She is 2.5 btw.

IMO paedophile's have been around for ever and we must not live in fear because of them.

Moomin Wed 03-Aug-05 08:41:00

agree strongly with Hattie05.
I don't like 'older' clothes for dd because I think they look common as well as distasteful. Sorry to sound snotty but that's the main reason!

unicorn Wed 03-Aug-05 08:43:33

don't you think that paedophiles will target children- regardless of what they are wearing tho... indeed there could be the arguement that the more 'childlike' they appear.. the more the paedo will be attracted?

Moomin Wed 03-Aug-05 08:48:39

Yep, agree unicorn. As Hattie05 said, society has been hyped up about paedophiles when there are much bigger risks to children everyday of their lives (traffic, for instance). I suppose there would be a proportion of sexual deviants who would be attracted to the 'Lolita' type of image, e.g. pubescent girls; but many paedophiles would, as you say, be more interested in children looking like children, sadly. The two issues can be separated: the 'early sexualising' of our children by the fashion industry/society and how we perceive paedophiles as a threat to our children.

triceratops Wed 03-Aug-05 08:48:57

I don't allow ds to go naked in public, even on the beach when he would love to. I have tried to explain that a secret is something special between him and a friend but he can always tell me, and that if an adult tells him something is a secret he should tell me straight away. I tell him his privates are for him alone until he gets married and that until then they should not be shared and that he can say "no" to anyone if he really doesn't want to do something. I never get a babysitter who has not had a police check. I get nervous if I see someone with a camera in a playground.

These are all things my parents didn't think that they had to do (although we now know that there was just as much abuse back then). Better safe than sorry.

basketcase Wed 03-Aug-05 08:53:36

Not sure about changing dress code - can’t second guess a paedophile’s taste in outfits?! Some just like little girls/boys.
More importantly, I would be even more careful about keeping a close eye on them when out and about. Trips to the park with friends unsupervised (for older children if they were mine) would be out of the window and would have to know where/who/when if they were out at friend’s houses etc. This would worry me greatly but would try to avoid worrying the chidlren, just restating the basic stay safe tactics to them at appropriate level for their age.

Flossam Wed 03-Aug-05 08:55:21

I think I'm a bit funny about it. I really don't like seeing babies just dressed in nappies, even in hot weather. DS always has his body covered in public. I use a little birdy fan to keep him cool. Not sure my funny attitiude is due to peadophiles or just because I'm a bit weird!

ggglimpopo Wed 03-Aug-05 08:57:04

Message withdrawn

PeachyClair Wed 03-Aug-05 08:59:46

I'd love to let DS's go for a few minutes naked on the beach, but realistically I can't, because apart from the scary (if unlikely?) risk of paedophile attention, I'm just as concerned about other parents telling me off! Until they produce temporary tattooss saying 'This child is protected by total sunblock', I always seem to attract the opinionated.

DS1 of course wouldn't do it anyway due to his SN (If I can get him out of his winter coat I'll be lucky), but DS3 is at that stage where he wants to strip down, and we have to fight to keep him dressed.

basketcase Wed 03-Aug-05 09:01:25

exactly ggglimbo - wrong place wrong time rather than what they were wearing, how they were dressed, ppor thing. I believe (rightly or wrongly) these awful people are most likely go for the one who they think looks most gullible/happily caht to a stranger and walk off with them?
Think the best thing you can do to protect your children as much is possible is to explain about never talking or going anywhere with a stranger, about shouting NO, what to do when lost, always staying close to mummy/daddy when out shopping etc etc
What I find hard is knowing how much to drum it in to my children about being safe without frightening them - when and how to do the "not all people are nice" speech

BearintheBigBlueHouse Wed 03-Aug-05 09:05:29

I'm very wary about DD wearing anything (like a necklace) with her name on it when we're out at the park or somewhere where she has a bit of freedom to run about - although DW thinks it's a big overreaction. I guess if anyone wanted to know her name, they'd just have to listen to us for five minutes as I'd be yelling it in exasperation before long. I hate it that we have to burst their innocent bubble and tell our children that they can't trust all grown ups.

PeachyClair Wed 03-Aug-05 09:07:12

Good point about the names- I have a Rainbow Guide unit and they get transparent red bags when they join, not only are we not allowed to label with names, they shiouldn't have names showing either. Very sensible I think.

unicorn Wed 03-Aug-05 09:08:18

also, perhaps it is worth noting that paedophiles - aren't just 'strangers'lurking in a park or on a beach etc...
They exist (as uncles, granddads - usually, but not always men) in every family.

unicorn Wed 03-Aug-05 09:09:17

can exist!!
I don't mean they do exist in every family of course...!

triceratops Wed 03-Aug-05 09:11:04

I would never touch or be alone with a child if I didn't know their parents quite well. I couldn't help a little girl into a princess fancy dress yesterday at playgroup when she asked because I didn't know who she belonged to and I didn't want them to get the wrong idea.

basketcase Wed 03-Aug-05 09:13:05

A friend once told me of a good tactic to tell your child when lost - after they had tried the stand still and shout really loud thing, if they really had waited ages and ages, see if you can see another mummy with children and ask the mummy for help (principle being that another friendly looking mummy with children is the least likely to be a childnapper)

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