So, whats the starting salary for a F/T mumsnetter? CV enclosed.

[OracleInaCoracle]

Name: Lissielou
DOB: Well (as red keeps pointing out) Im 30
Address: Shropshire

Personal Statement: I am a hard working reliable team member, putting offreturning to work following the birth of my son. I have extensive experience in the service industry, and therefore understand the importance of delivering the highest possible standard of customer service, however I will not tolerate the appearance of trolls. I am also trained in till work (so i can help count your pennies from advertisers), health and safety (can advise posters on typing while tired drunk) and first aid (can attend to injuries sustained during a full moon). I am conscientious, well presented (don't own a pair of crocs) and a fast learner (I learnt within 1 day never to get involved in SAHM/WOHM, BF/FF and VB/CS). I am a good team leader, and in my previous roles implemented effective training schedules tailored to the needs of the staff, as well as new booking policies. I have already utilised these skilles on the conception threads, advising people when to have sex, when to test, problems conceivng and problematic early pregnancy.

I believe that I could bring something unique to mn, and not just tea!

gissajob then! [wink}

[OracleInaCoracle]

ah, feck. under weaknesses: emoticons!

[stealthsquiggle]

[OracleInaCoracle]

actually,, scrap the salary bit....

ss, you have to submit a cv!

[stealthsquiggle]

OK, the bullet point version:

• Massively overqualified (academically)
• relatively non-judgey
• fast (and accurate by Cod standards) typing
• specialist subject: cakes (see profile for references)
• can do emoticons and links
• bored to death with my RL job

[OracleInaCoracle]

lol and at emoticons

[BitOfFun]

wouldn't it be great to get paid for it? Lol at the Cod reference, I have noticed that!

[BitOfFun]

What are you going to say at the interview when they ask you if your kids drink fruitshoots?

[OracleInaCoracle]

" no I do not! ds only drinks organic water thank you very much"

[stealthsquiggle]

Fortunately, my DC only like water (which is actually a PITA at parties, FWIW) but I would not condemn someone for letting their DC have an occasional Fruit Shoot as part of an otherwise balanced diet

[OracleInaCoracle]

lol, good answer!

[BitOfFun]

And how would you both deal with a MIL who disregards instructions on PFB's ricecake intake?

[OracleInaCoracle]

ooooh, I would smile brightly and sweetly say "I notice that you have given my darling ds a ricecake whilst being aware that he is a mere 5mo. DH and i have discussed this in depth and agreed that due to the increase in allergies and the bowel problems that i understand are rife on your side, we are going to adhere to current guidelines and he will be exclusively bf for atleast 6m. thank you for trying to help though, i know you understand"

[BitOfFun]

Oh my lord, I am crying with laughter! I actually meant the MIL who gives them a biccie instead of the ricecake, but your reading of it is better

[stealthsquiggle]

I am so befuddled that I can't actually remember how I would have reacted when DS (my PFB) was tiny but nowadays I would let it wash over me, TBH [lazy arse mother]

[BitOfFun]

Stealth - you have to get into the spirit of this if you want the job, your answer is far too sensible! We are looking for the perfect mnetter you know, the most in touch with our members and their saintliness

[BitOfFun]

BTW, I am curious as to when I should be having sex, any advice lissielou?

[OracleInaCoracle]

ah, depending on yor cycle and when you ovulate (ovulation is usually signified by a slight ache inside your pelvis and your cervical mucus becoming simillar to egg white in consistancy) you are at your peak fertility the day before ovulation, eg if you have a 30d cycle and ov on CD16 then you should have sex on CD15 if you want to get pg, but avoid CD's11-17 if you dont. sperm are hardy little buggers!

[YetMoreTech]

"advising people when to have sex"

That's the last thing we need in the office, thanks.

[stealthsquiggle]

I reserve my judginess for people who judge others over things which are a matter of personal choice (and a**ehole DPs who treat MNers and their DC badly)

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

Har har YMTech

[OracleInaCoracle]

oh come on YMtech, i can talk for hours about cycles, leutal phases, etc, etc....

SS, you wait, theyll ask a load of q's about cake now!

[YetMoreTech]

lissielou, well if it's in regards to conception that's fine. I thought you meant just generally; we have a big whiteboard on the wall for that kind of thing.

[BitOfFun]

What is the whiteboard for? [dim emoticon]

[OracleInaCoracle]

is it to avoid PMT meltdown? do you have flip charts to identify crisis peak times