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We're after your collected wit and wisdom (again!)

(320 Posts)
Justine (mumsnet) Wed 02-Feb-05 13:04:32

Hi all,
We've been asked to put together something for Scotland on Sunday's magazine supplement about the first year of parenthood. Something along the lines of "Things I've learned from my first year of being a mum". They're after pithy, witty one and two liners as well as a nod to the more serious stuff too. Feel free to contribute as many times as you like - I should imagine they'll want to include nicknames so it's your chance to be famous (in your mumsnet persona) in Scotland at least.

I'm racking my brains to think of something good but can't come close to anything as good as this contribution from Spod: "Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day.
And this from Anchovy: "When your small baby hasn't had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygrow with feet attached" which we put in a similar thing we did for the Guardian a while back.
So, over to you (and many thanks )
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

beansprout Wed 02-Feb-05 13:12:02

There is no way that a baby's stomach is the size of a walnut, given how much my son can eat in one feed. *No way*!

lockets Wed 02-Feb-05 13:13:41

Message withdrawn

jessicasmummy Wed 02-Feb-05 13:16:11

The topic of conversation when your husband gets home from work is always centred around volumes of sick and the colour of poo!

emmatmg Wed 02-Feb-05 13:16:12

It's highly amusing when your older children argue about who's going to remove the toe-jam form the baby's feet.



(Toe-jam=yukky sticky fluff)

popsycal Wed 02-Feb-05 13:17:12

babies poo lots

LapsedGymJunkie Wed 02-Feb-05 13:18:11

Something I said frequently in the first few months..........

I used to have a career, now I find myselg being terrorised by 7 lb of baby flesh

jessicasmummy Wed 02-Feb-05 13:18:20

Sex becomes sacred.... a baby always knows when to interupt!

vict17 Wed 02-Feb-05 13:18:39

When told newborn's sleep 16 hours in a 24 hour period it can be in twenty minutes bursts!!!

emmatmg Wed 02-Feb-05 13:19:20

There is nothing on earth that is nicer than the feeling of freshly wash baby hair on your lips when you kiss their head.

jessicasmummy Wed 02-Feb-05 13:19:35

Always except offers of help - it is hard work being a mum!

PuffTheMagicDragon Wed 02-Feb-05 13:20:29

lol LGJ

emmatmg Wed 02-Feb-05 13:22:01

Small children will not keel over if eating dog food from the dog's bowl.....and will have immense fun soaking the kitchen with the water bowl.

jessicasmummy Wed 02-Feb-05 13:22:31

Sleep when baby sleeps only works if you dont mind your house resembling the local rubbish tip!

beansprout Wed 02-Feb-05 13:24:04

People are actually unable to look at your baby without passing comment ("he's big/small, looks like you/doesn't look like you" etc etc) and they will ALWAYS know what he wants ("oh he's hungry/tired/has wind" etc).

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 02-Feb-05 13:24:16

...but you shouldn't care if your house resembles the local rubbish tip. The sleep is worth it

jessicasmummy Wed 02-Feb-05 13:25:46

Dont worry if you're still in your pyjamas at tea time.... saves time getting changed later!

Moomina Wed 02-Feb-05 13:25:46

Children learn how to dial 999 long before they can apologise to the operator on the other end...

lockets Wed 02-Feb-05 13:26:09

Message withdrawn

WigWamBam Wed 02-Feb-05 13:26:12

Your house will resemble the local rubbish tip ... get used to it, it will be that way for a long, long time.

kid Wed 02-Feb-05 13:26:25

everyone tells older siblings 'aren't you lucky to have a new baby brother / sister' My poor DD must have got fed up hearing it!

chocfreeclary Wed 02-Feb-05 13:27:05

The amount of space a little one can take up in Mummy's and Daddy's bed in in directly inverse proportion to his (tiny) size.

If you drop a marble (needle, button, anything else he should not have) the baby will find it first.

Moomina Wed 02-Feb-05 13:27:46

Your kitchen floor will be clean of dropped food in no time if you sit a hungry toddler down there. However, don't expect them to eat the same food when served to them on a plate, sitting at the table.

kid Wed 02-Feb-05 13:28:24

it takes 9 months to get that big, so it will take 9 months to get back to your normal size (yeah right, and the rest!)

emmatmg Wed 02-Feb-05 13:28:27

People will always say "Ohhh, he's/she's and big boy/girl, isn't she?

Even when they aren't.............wierd.

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