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Posts which identify others

(25 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 18:33:28

Is there anything in the talk guidelines about them? I mean the 'I was sitting in Starbucks in Slough when a woman came in, aged about 40 with long blonde hair wearing a black jacket and she was screaming at her 3 year old DD because her DD kept messing about with her glasses.'

It's obvious, if you're that person, who they are. I've seen a few and I really don't like it. I'd be so embarrassed if it was me.

ArkyOptics Fri 26-Feb-16 18:35:35

The location is identifying. If that person was on MN they could probably report it and get it deleted.

OurBlanche Fri 26-Feb-16 18:36:20

And the chances of that happening are, what? Low to middling... maybe.

Now if someone posted Sheila B Devotion came in and started beating her kids, it would be reported by readers and pulled by MNHQ, as have others recently.

Maybe if you are ever that person you just hit the Report button a hundred times!

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 18:38:43

Well, yes, but the damage will already have been done by that point I would think!

I know you can't actually stop people doing it but an actual reminder in the talk guidelines might not be a bad idea? I've seen a few recently where I've cringed for the individual having their life dissected on Mumsnet!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 26-Feb-16 18:40:47

I'd be so embarrassed if it was me.

I think that's probably the crux. If you were that person, you'd probably be able to justify screaming (I'm not sure how, but most people believe that they are doing the right thing) so you'd defend yourself.

It'd be rare that someone posted something so identifying that you knew it was you, and your behaviour was so out of the ordinary and indefensible that you were embarrassed and didn't want to comment. And if that was the case, nobody would ever know that it was you, unless you've got your MN username tattooed on you somewhere.

It would kill conversation a bit if we had strict rules on how identifiable people can be. A lot of the threads on here are potentially identifiable, with information about family members/pets/jobs/situations. It's the downside of MN being so big.

If proper identifying information was ever posted - your full name, your address, other usernames, etc - that would violate the guidelines and would be removed. It's rare.

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 18:44:36

I know Anchor, it is a tricky one. I don't want conversation to grind to a halt but just the same some posts/threads aren't just identifiable for the person they are about but they are identifiable to friends and family if you see what I mean.

So my example - embarrassing for the individual but harmless, but if you posted about someone getting dismissed or someone having an illness - I don't know, some posts just sail a bit close to the wind I feel.

ArkyOptics Fri 26-Feb-16 18:49:03

They will not be the only ones. Even in Slough.

If I posted about my boss, in Liverpool, coming in at 2 stinking of alcohol and me having to cover up her mistakes made while drunk.........

I will still not be the only one.

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 18:51:30

Arky, sorry but I have to disagree. I think there is often more than enough detail to identify somebody from a post and especially a series of posts.

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 26-Feb-16 18:51:31

Is there really a problem identifying someone who is doing something terrible?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Fri 26-Feb-16 18:52:11

I think that is a problem sometimes, especially on wedding threads which often get quite "animated" as more and more details emerge, with lots of potentially identifying information. I just hope posters are changing detail to avoid it.

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 18:52:21

Perhaps not if they are doing something really terrible.

If they are just going about their daily business, then yes, I think there's a problem.

DrSeussRevived Fri 26-Feb-16 18:54:43

I don't see this as a huge issue. It might be identifying to the Slough blonde herself, if she happened to read it, but how would it "out" her to her other Slough friends? Unless it included something like the children's names being bawled out?

ArkyOptics Fri 26-Feb-16 18:55:54

It's ok, you can disagree with me grin

It's a case of 'if they're not on MN where's the harm' for me. these are snapshots. Parking Like A Knob, Drunk/Annoying Boss, Smelly Co Worker are all just ephemera on a chat site.

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 18:56:13

That example wouldn't Dr, it was just a silly one off the top of my head - but there are others that are very identifiable and potentially embarrassing.

It's one thing to be lax about your own privacy but when it's someone else's it's as well to take that into account.

DawnMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 26-Feb-16 18:58:36

Hi daisy,

Thanks for asking about this. We don't actually have any hard and fast rules about it, but obviously we'd remove anything that could cause problems for someone in real life.

We don't see everything that's going on on the Talk boards though, so if there's anything in particular that's worrying you, please hit the report button.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 26-Feb-16 18:59:13

I don't think unless you post the name that they are identifiable to others

If you recognise yourself, that's totally different and can be easily ignored because no one else knows it's you

DrSeussRevived Fri 26-Feb-16 19:01:07

Oh sorry!

I've seen many threads, especially where workplaces are involved, where posters warn the OP it might be identifying. Mn are pretty good about pulling threads or editing (eg an inadvertent location) if asked.

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 19:01:55

Thanks, Dawn

Laurie - again, I'd have to disagree. There was one a week or so ago where the family would have been recognised by anyone who knew them. The poster described the child's height, and the couple in great detail shock

OurBlanche Fri 26-Feb-16 19:23:27

Was it pulled? Did anyone recognise them/themselves? If they had it probably would have been disappeared.

It probably doesn't happen as much as you fear and, to be honest, I suspect the boards would be tumbleweed quiet if we had to be quite that careful about posts.

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 19:31:21

I think it may be advisable to change a few details smile and no, it wasn't pulled.

OurBlanche Fri 26-Feb-16 19:36:01

So, maybe the OP of that thread did change some of the details so nobody could recognise themselves grin

daisygreendaisylilac Fri 26-Feb-16 19:45:34

Hope so! grin

I think many people just don't think, though.

Loqo Sat 27-Feb-16 17:57:42

I've pm'ed a few identifiable posters when they have posted details about their adult DC. One posted something very sensitive about their adult childs health and another about her adult children's finances. Both posters were easily google'able confused and their children were. I'm fairly sure they hadn't changed any details.

I can't imagine how pissed off my DC would be if I did that.

Some over sharing posters forget how much info they put out there.

thebiscuitindustry Sun 28-Feb-16 08:27:17

If you just change a few details, other posters won't know that and may assume the person is identifable so report the post.

Why not say "a coffee shop" instead of naming it, or omit the name of the town?

UnmentionedElephantDildo Sun 28-Feb-16 08:29:16

Perhaps they had already changed it, and it was actually a brunette in a Costa in Cobham?

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