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Making Adoption board "opt in"

(112 Posts)
JamHoneyMarmite Thu 23-Jul-15 15:50:20

I know we've asked eleventy billion times before, but please? Please could we make the adoption board an "opt in" like the SN area? I would love it to be welcoming for adopters, prospective adopters, adoptees, birth families, and all open-minded curious folk - but I would also love it not to get bombarded by "I haven't adopted but you're doing it wrong" posts just because it shows up in Active convos.

So, I don't ask this with much hope after the other times people have asked, but pleeeeeease?

FlamingPie Thu 23-Jul-15 16:02:54

Yes please.

StaceyAndTracey Thu 23-Jul-15 16:05:38

I think this is a great idea . Many threads function as support threads for posters going through unimaginably hard circumstances of trauma and loss. It's very distressing when they get disrupted by trolls.

We also get invasions from posters who are now experts on the subject because they read an article in the daily fail / watched Jeremy Kyle and want to give everyone the benefit of their wisdom . Yes, its good to educate some people some of the time . But often it's too much to ask of a parent who has just lost a child / is struggling with a child with SN / behavioural problems etc.

The opt in has worked well for SN as it has cut down on the random trouble makers and time wasters, leaving some space for parents to support other parents .

JammySods Thu 23-Jul-15 16:07:12

I whole heartedly agree with this request. I used to post regularly on the adoption boards, but gave up eventually as a result of the trolls and ill informed posters turning up to tell us how wrong we all are, I now lurk but would be more likely to post if the area had some kind of protection.

However, I remember the last time MNHQ were asked to make the board opt in... They made all the right noises and then sweet FA happened. Please, please listen this time before everyone just gives up and goes elsewhere.

SirSpamalot Thu 23-Jul-15 19:09:40

Yes please.

When you're going through a difficult time, it's so hard to have trolls basically saying we're no better than the people who kidnapped Madeline McCann and therefore deserve all we get.

WereJamming Thu 23-Jul-15 20:29:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyPreciousRing Thu 23-Jul-15 22:15:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Daisiemoo Thu 23-Jul-15 23:00:26

Yes please!

Cabawill Thu 23-Jul-15 23:06:40

Yes please!

tethersend Thu 23-Jul-15 23:10:33

I can't understand what possible argument there could be not to do this.

Is there one, MNHQ?

Kewcumber Thu 23-Jul-15 23:28:02

YEs please.

I think sometimes people click through to a thread which says "My child can't sleep alone" don't notice that its and adoption thread, people very patiently explain that no, controlled crying is not considered suitable for adopted children and poster then either slinks away feeling like an idiot or humphily says "But I know what I'm talking about - my mothers second cousin was adopted 60 years ago and her parents did controlled crying and she's fine now and I have 15 children who all love me doing controlled crying so much its now our family hobby".

I made be exaggerating a little for effect...

If posters don't have to opt in - they can start all the threads they like in chat complaining about nasty adopters/courts/social workers stealing blonde blue eyed children to order can't they? Or (more seriously) how the system could be improved if they want the rest of the worlds opinions on generic stuff which doesn't actually impinge on their lives day to day.

Baffledmumtoday Thu 23-Jul-15 23:32:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Thu 23-Jul-15 23:36:03

I completely agree, yes they should be opt in.

(NB I lurk on the adoption boards / threads for slightly selfish unresolved issues of my own - I guess I am a second-generation "adoptee" my DDad having been adopted by my grandparents at 3 days old. We know nothing about his birth parents apart from a name we think might have been his birth mother. I have been having some trouble with this in the past few years but we never talk about it and I have learned a lot thanks to the lovely people on the adoption threads. I have seen the trolls and the well-meaning ignoramuses and wholly support the opt-in idea. Even if I am not really qualified to have a vote IYSWIM).

slkk Thu 23-Jul-15 23:41:21

Yes please

Kewcumber Thu 23-Jul-15 23:46:21

Lurk all you like Hearts and opt-in if it ever becomes an opt in.

I think what we'd like to stop is people treating the the adoption section like an interesting game which has no real life implications. There are plenty of section where you can speak on any subject just to hear your own voice if you like or on more serious matters if you prefer. I don;t like the hijacking of threads where the OP's issue becomes secondary to the need for someone to point out the error of our ways.

Velvet1973 Thu 23-Jul-15 23:53:33

Yes please.

Threesoundslikealot Fri 24-Jul-15 00:00:23

I find the adoption boards a fascinating insight into a world of people I admire hugely, and would certainly opt in to carry on reading and learning, and I respect the views of those who post in there. But I'm confused by the reference to the SN boards being opt in. I had no idea this was the case. I see them in my active conversations - does this mean I've actively asked to do so? I had no idea.

Becca19962014 Fri 24-Jul-15 00:04:19

I lurk, a lot, on those boards. I don't actually understand the concept of opt in. Can someone please explain? (Sorry if it's a really obvious question!!)

Kewcumber Fri 24-Jul-15 00:09:45

Becca If you go onto "Talk- customise" (first option at top of screen under "MUMSNET TALK") then you can follow a link through to which threads you want to hide and change the default on SN to opt in to seeing them on active convo's.

It doesn;t mean that you can;t go looking for SN threads through talk topics just that they don;t appear in Active unless you've opted for that.

Kewcumber Fri 24-Jul-15 00:10:31

Sorry the first bit of that was to Three second bit to BEcca

Does that make sense?

Kewcumber Fri 24-Jul-15 00:12:02

So you can always look at adoption threads by going to "TOPICS" and chosing adoption (thats how I review them)

But unless you opt-n they won't appear on everyones active convo's. This is how special needs works

FATEdestiny Fri 24-Jul-15 00:17:36

I like to lurk and read threads on the adoption board regularly. Not because I have any experience of adoption but because it adds a valuable different perspective to my own parenting role. I also find some of the threads very thought provoking and inspiring.

I think to be described as ignoramus because I have no personal experience is harsh.

I, and many others, are more than capable of noting the board on which a thread is posted when it shows up in Active. Don't tar the majority with the brush of a few.

I would have far less understanding (and so be much more of an "ignoramus") without being able to read and learn from the board.

Becca19962014 Fri 24-Jul-15 00:25:58

Okay. Thankyou for the explanation. Ive always lurked by going there via the talk menu. I don't tend to use active conversations on MN.

Kewcumber Fri 24-Jul-15 00:31:58

I think to be described as ignoramus because I have no personal experience is harsh. well take that up with the one poster who said it - don't tar the majority with the brush of the few.

i'm being generous, perhaps posters do realise that they are in an adoption thread and decide to plough on in with their views on how we're doing it wrong anyway.

You will still be able to read the board - it just won;t be exposed to the 800,000 visitors Mumsnet get a week only those who either opt in or who look for us via the topic.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Fri 24-Jul-15 02:14:49

Sorry about the ignoramus thing if it was me blush
I was using it in a sort of affectionate way because I am one too blush

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