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Mumsnet definition of bullying

(25 Posts)
Maryz Mon 15-Jun-15 17:29:11

I thought I'd not derail the other thread, but I'm actually really upset at the accusations of bullying.

Just as a matter of interest, is it bullying when one person deliberately winds up dozens of other people over a long time, continues to wind them up when they ask him or her to stop, then upsets them with dismissive comments and then refuses to either apologise or even to admit they have done anything wrong at all.

Is is bullying if the group, as a whole, decide that they really have had enough of this person and don't want to talk to them any more?

Because it seems to me that sometimes, just sometimes, it's possible for one person to bully a group angry. And there is no reply to the one person saying "there are more of them, so therefore they must be the bullies".

How does a group deal with a someone who deliberately sets out to upset other people, and defends their actions by saying "well, these are just my opinions, I'm entitled to my opinions".

DrankSangriaInThePark Mon 15-Jun-15 17:35:59

Yes.

No.

I don't know.

Unfortunately, on t'web, this happens a lot. Someone is totally awful to someone else, gets called out on it, and as you say, because they are one and the group who have said "eh, that's not on" are many, they are the ones who get accused of bullying.

It is also, as we know from time immemorial when we were all victims of playground ponytail pulling such a very typical reaction from the bully.

You just need to try and console yourself with thinking what a miserable sad little existence they must really have, and how utterly pathetic they probably are in real life. Bet they wouldn't be so quick with their vile behaviour face to face. Sad fuckers.

I have known you for a million threads and probably more Maryz. And you're one of those people who, when threads are going awry and people are getting really twatty, I think "phew, thank god Maryz has arrived". And there aren't many Mners you can say that about. But you are one of them.

I don't know who's having a go at you, but they must be making a laughing stock of themselves. flowers <runs off to AS>

Whiskwarrior Mon 15-Jun-15 17:36:09

Bullying has a very woolly definition on here at times.

'This true.

hobnobsaremyfave Mon 15-Jun-15 17:36:44

Goady fuckers tend to play the victim on the whole and it seems to me that posters are pretty quick to call "bully" these days.<sigh>

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Mon 15-Jun-15 17:38:21

Totally agree with everything Maryz has said.

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared Mon 15-Jun-15 17:39:57

i think thats more harassment.

I dont think one person can really bully a whole group of people, they can harass them though, especially if they have asked, repeatedly, for that person to leave them alone.

While i'm all for freedom of speech and i dislike the thread police mentality, i do also think that if someone with such a zealous opinion of something can't leave people alone to discuss the subject without upsetting and taking over threads, the group should have a right to ask them to go away without being accused of piling on/bullying that individual!

Samcro Mon 15-Jun-15 17:41:24

glad you asked op, I get annoyed when people shout bully on here.\obviously they have never been bullied for real.
it seems these days on mn, if more than one person agrees with someone, they are bullying someone else(aand don't get me started on the PO shite aimed at people if they don't like stuff like disablism)

BareGorillas Mon 15-Jun-15 17:56:45

Some people are too quick to shout 'bully' or 'ganging up' when really all that's happening is several people hold the same opinion of the person who perceives they are being bullied.
And scenario one in your OP sounds more like hounding/taunting/goading and harassment as sorcerer says.

BareGorillas Mon 15-Jun-15 17:58:45

So basically I have agreed with everyone else on the thread so far grin

You're welcome.

GoodToesNotSoGoodToes Mon 15-Jun-15 18:02:33

A sheep dog could bully sheep. Does this group all bleat the same and get cross when the Farmer wants the sheep in their pen?

BareGorillas Mon 15-Jun-15 18:03:44

That's deep man.

Whiskwarrior Mon 15-Jun-15 18:03:48

Nice hmm

PausingFlatly Mon 15-Jun-15 18:08:09

Don't know. But I've wondered about this for a while too.

Over the years I've seen many threads, on all sorts of topics, where one poster spams the thread and completely takes it over. With apparently boundless time and energy, and sometimes aggression to match.

They'll shout and they'll shout and they'll fill up the thread, so it's hard to even find the posts not about them.

I've seen it used to completely silence discussion the Thread Queen doesn't approve of.

And yes, in the one that sticks in my mind most from a few years ago, the poor little shouty flower did indeed describe herself as bullied - simply because of the number of people who disagreed with her and she was trying to shout down.

As it happens, it was a well-known and supposedly well-respected poster in that case. She's on my Twat List now, though she doesn't know it.

ErrolTheDragon Mon 15-Jun-15 18:08:57

Maybe it should be against talk guidelines to be a goady derailer - afaik it isn't at the moment. Maybe should report such people to MNHQ anyway?

PausingFlatly Mon 15-Jun-15 18:09:22

(No one on this thread, I hasten to add.)

Enormouse Mon 15-Jun-15 18:10:37

Bare grin

I think getting a handle on this sort of behaviour would benefit the site more than a hide button.
Trolls, sockpuppets and the like get a pretty short shrift and I'd like the same sort of line taken with posters whose behaviour is questionable.

Pagwatch Mon 15-Jun-15 18:19:54

It's all shifting sand I think.
People view a bunch of posters expressing similar opinions as a linked, united thing and, if they have a different view, it probably can feels as if they are being ganged up on.
But having been on threads where I have not known another poster and yet been talked about darkly as a 'regular' acting as one of a group, I think it's often bollocks.

I once had three consecutive threads where one absolute arse determined poster insisted I was bullying simply by acknowledging other posters. [pins on tragic badge]

Blistory Mon 15-Jun-15 19:34:16

You deal with them by ignoring them or reporting them. There really isn't anything else that you or MNHQ can do.

Having witnessed Pag being accused of being part of the FWR hive mind recently was, on the one hand, amusing, whilst at the same time, being entirely indicative of the fact that we all see what we want to see.

I do think there is sometimes a concerted attempt to gang up on or wind up posters who are well known, particularly when they don't name change, but what else can you do but ignore or report them ? I think the ability to name change so easily contributes to the problem and I'd quite happily accept restrictions on that but then I can also see why posters feel the need to name change to avoid the persistent, deliberate goaders who might not be trolls but who obviously have an agenda against others.

HoneyDragon Mon 15-Jun-15 19:46:15

Doesn't matter what we think, it's what MNHQ thinks that counts, and that I guess is the problem.

CoogerAndDark Mon 15-Jun-15 20:03:18

Ignoring someone who annoys, irritates or upsets you isn't bullying. Referencing that someone either directly or obliquely could be seen as bullying if it's intended to garner support for the ignoring or the sidelong referencing and hinting.

<woolly>

ChaiseLounger Mon 15-Jun-15 20:25:03

You can't ask someone to leave a thread, or actually, you can't MAKE someone leave, can you?

MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself Mon 15-Jun-15 20:27:37

I can't stand the ignorant goady posters, especially if they only have one narrow minded view point and keep screaming it at folk.

It's shit.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 15-Jun-15 20:34:12

It's not bullying if 99% of posters disagree with you.
It's not bullying if people refuse to engage with you.
It's not bullying if people politely call you on behaviour which is threatening to derail.

But if people are following talk guidelines I don't know what can be done about lone posters. Except deny them the oxygen of engaging, I suppose.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 15-Jun-15 20:34:56

Done about goady fucker narrow-minded broken record lone posters I meant. Normal lone posters are fine by me.

MayPolist Thu 18-Jun-15 23:54:41

I think posters need to remember that people can have very different opinion to you without them being 'goady'

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