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If your toddler were Prime Minister...

(104 Posts)
KateMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 23-Apr-15 16:30:35

Hello all

You may have already had a 'why-is-there-a-live-stream-from-a-nursery-on-telly-OH-NO-WAIT-IT'S-PMQs' moment. It got us wondering - how might the national landscape differ if your toddlers did actually hold the keys to number 10?

Ban on broccoli? Compulsory puddle-jumping? Confectionary industry nationalised? What's the first Act of Parliament your toddler (or ex-toddler) would pass if they were actually allowed to swap wet wipes for Westminster?

WorraLiberty Thu 23-Apr-15 16:35:19

Mind would have solved the housing crisis by ensuring everyone had a den, made from 4 dining chairs and a duvet cover.

dinkystinky Thu 23-Apr-15 16:35:34

If DS3 were PM, Peppa Pig would be showing on every screen in the nation on constant loop and there would be official Jumping in Muddy Puddle bank holidays every time it rained.

WorraLiberty Thu 23-Apr-15 16:35:40


ChrisQuean Thu 23-Apr-15 16:35:54

The "No, Self Do It! Act 2015" would receive Royal Assent and be brought on to the statute books. This Act being passed would make it illegal for any adults to help, aid or otherwise assist a toddler with an act or take any action that they wanted to do all by themselves.

WorraLiberty Thu 23-Apr-15 16:39:19

The National Anthem would of course be replaced with "The wheels on the bus"

EggsAreNotFromCows Thu 23-Apr-15 16:39:31

The current knife laws would be extended to the outright ban of all cutting implements. Thus removing the risk of any food being cut into the WRONG SHAPE

Reluctantlandlord Thu 23-Apr-15 16:40:24

There would be a law which stated that if someone even slightly helped you get dressed then you'd be obliged to strip naked and start again.

AnythingNotEverything Thu 23-Apr-15 16:40:45

Mine wouldn't get much done unfortunately, as she'd insist on trying on all your shoes. That'd take up most of her first term I imagine.

Other than that she'd probably shout "Cheese!" a lot. But go easy on her - she's only 18 months.

Reluctantlandlord Thu 23-Apr-15 16:44:49

Formal dinners would be tricky because despite the plethora of food sitting on the table, she'd be under the table adamant that she wanted the tiny piece she'd just dropped.

WorraLiberty Thu 23-Apr-15 16:45:05

Not removing crusts from sandwiches, would carry a mandatory naughty step sentence.

Reluctantlandlord Thu 23-Apr-15 16:47:13

But at least there'd be no arguing over HS2 as we'd all have to travel by talking steam engines under the control of someone rather portly.

ChunkyPickle Thu 23-Apr-15 17:04:13

All channels will show Bing (Cbeebies) on a loop (except for Goodbye - DS1 doesn't like Bing being told off for putting Sula's shoe in the toilet)

Parents would be required to ensure the ice-lolly shelf in the freezer is fully stocked at all times, and free access is given.

Welly boots will be the only shoes.

fattymcfatfat Thu 23-Apr-15 17:07:41

mine would fund research into dinosaur genetics in the hope of creating a living one that would be her pet roar! grin

Icedfinger Thu 23-Apr-15 17:14:08

We would all only wear a nappy and wellies.

The national dishes would be meatballs followed by toast and dairy lea.

Peppa would rule the land

You4coffee Thu 23-Apr-15 17:14:14

Stones would form the bedrock of any fiscal Policy. grin

You4coffee Thu 23-Apr-15 17:14:45

And no more potty training!

KleineDracheKokosnuss Thu 23-Apr-15 17:17:26

Indeed. Potties would be outlawed. Except when PM changes her mind, of course.

UnidentifiedSighingObject Thu 23-Apr-15 17:21:59

There would be no more issues with waiting times because waiting as a concept would be outlawed. All broccoli would be replaced with sausages (or cheese). The best high-pitched screamers would all be given leadership positions and their own ice-cream van. The words "quiet" and "in a minute" would be banned.

SoupDragon Thu 23-Apr-15 17:25:16

DS1 is not a toddler, he is 16, but I think he would like to be Education Minister and introduce GCSEs in FIFA and CoD (triple award).

4candles Thu 23-Apr-15 17:27:23

My DS would nationalise all industries with buses, trains, cranes, trucks and nee naw cars.

He would laugh manically and shout, "mine, mine, mine".

IhavenevermetAnthonyHead Thu 23-Apr-15 17:28:29

The five a day rule would be amending to chicken nuggets instead of vegetables.

Parents forcing their children to wash their face and hands more than once a week will be reported to social services.

rugbychick Thu 23-Apr-15 17:29:49

My 3 year old will agree with a lot of the above policies. Also bedtime when I say, not mummy and daddy. You do what what you're told. Vegetables to be outlawed. And only milky to be drunk

crassula Thu 23-Apr-15 18:00:02

All rice cakes and biscuits would be made so that they never break in half. Ever. And we would be allowed to feed chickens to Venus Fly Trap plants

howabout Thu 23-Apr-15 18:04:30

Carries on demand for the PM! No sharing whatsoever. An afternoon a week in the bath may hold up some official business. The right to change her mind all the time. Six figure reward for anyone inventing a way to dispense with toilet visits.

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