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Trolling of the Bereavement board

(166 Posts)
NorthernLebkuchen Tue 17-Dec-13 17:13:37

Yet again I have reported a thread which has turned out to be dodgy and deleted. I've lost count of how many that is over the time I've been on mumsnet. Trouble is that on that board, above all others, people want to be kind. People struggling withtheir loss reach out hands to others. It's fantastic support but truly awful when it's some git of a troll getting a very sick kick indeed. So can something be done? Maybe a time delay so no new thread will appear there till checked by MNHQ? Maybe no recent namechanges or new registrations posting unless cleared by MHHQ?

i know none of this is easy to arrange but I really feel something needs to be done. It's just awful.

OLittleTownOfBarflehem Tue 17-Dec-13 18:03:38

God, what utter wankers there are. Some people just shouldn't be allowed a keyboard!

scaevola Tue 17-Dec-13 18:13:48

Those measures might not protect as much as you think (remembering the one who began with an "S").

PositiveAttitude Tue 17-Dec-13 18:22:38

I read the thread and had a gut feeling it was a troll, but I didnt want to report it because I thought it would be awful if I was wrong. Thank you to those who did report and got it looked into and stopped quickly.

Those type of trolls are the lowest of the low and just do not understand, or care, how hurtful it is to those of us who have lived through the nightmare of a baby dying.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Tue 17-Dec-13 18:22:43

What abut the bereaved parent who needs support now and has joined MN to get it? Why should they suffer a delay in getting that support?

BitOfFunWithSanta Tue 17-Dec-13 18:36:58

There simply isn't an administrative solution to this. It requires engaging your brain before responding (don't be a sucker), and being prepared to use the mechanisms which are already in place, ie the Report function. MNHQ will never think badly of you for flagging something that sounds suspicious, and they don't need you to feel apologetic about helping them keep the boards kosher.

Nobody, least of all the OP, need know you've reported. Obviously, don't call troll on the thread.

And yes, don't give more of yourself than you can spare.

Trooperslane Tue 17-Dec-13 18:41:52

I didn't report but did think if my baby had just died, MN would be the last place I'd be.

Maybe someone would need MN support a bit down the line, but straight away?

Agree that people who do this have a serious mental illness. (Or are total bastards. And I don't use either insult lightly)

NorthernLebkuchen Tue 17-Dec-13 18:46:14

When I saw today's deleted thread there were a lot of replies. I think around 200? So yes it was deleted but not before it had been read by, and presumably had an impact on, quite a number of people.

I think that it's also worth thinking about what support mumsnet and mumsnetters can be expected to offer. For people who already post as part of the community yes, the support in bereavement is important and useful. For people posting for the first time though - how much 'support' can the sympathy of utter strangers really give? Would that support be impaired by a short waiting period? I really don't think it would. I can see there are all sorts of admin issues with that though. Just so fed up of reporting whilst people continue to be suckered in.

BlueStones Tue 17-Dec-13 18:46:48

Bloody hell. I was thinking about that family at work today, hoping the nine year old wouldn't blame herself for the rest of her life. Very relieved that it never happened, but what a despicable individual to post something like that.

shabbs Tue 17-Dec-13 18:53:13

We have all had our 'bums bitten' by people pretending about the death of a baby/child on the bereaved Mums thread. Its revolting and disgraceful. I used to feel sad for anybody who had to get attention in that way, used to worry about their mental state etc etc.

Now, when I read threads, like the one today I quickly realise that something is not right....which is also a sad thing but comes with experience of being fooled in the past.

There is no death so sad as that of a child (no matter what age they are) Today, when I read the thread, I quickly realised what was going on. When you have experience of losing a child you want to help others going through the same thing. You feel the urgency to talk to them and also to tell 'your' story.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 17-Dec-13 18:58:25

I saw that thread and tbh I did wonder if it was genuine and then felt awful for thinking such a thing.

Any delays in a thread being posted could be very upsetting for someone genuinely in need but then if they are grief stricken things perhaps can't be made worse.

YouAreMyRain Tue 17-Dec-13 20:16:24

I thought it was a bit fishy, posting so soon and the OP sounded so "together" and then waited a while before responding. I did have my suspicions.
However I was also quite traumatised at the slight possibility of it being true because having recently had a very prem baby in NICU/SCBU who had a serious health emergency soon after discharge I am struggling with severe anxiety about my baby's health.

How can people be so cruel? Other bereaved parents shared their experiences. Bastard trolls.angry

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 17-Dec-13 21:02:59

I saw that thread too, and didn't believe it.
The baby died after falling of the sofa and yet the 'new' poster started a thread about it the same day.
I didn't report, I knew I was right but I couldn't 'just in case'.
I think with those sort of posts, even if people don't believe it, they just feel very uncomfortable about reporting and so they're left to stay.
It's a difficult one, I'm a cynical cow and usually spot trolls, but on a bereavement thread I don't report.

SweetSeraphim Tue 17-Dec-13 21:12:36

I have been thinking about that thread all day. Who are these utter cunts that get a kick out of making this stuff up? angry

ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf Tue 17-Dec-13 21:13:56

All the people saying how they 'spotted' the troll, I know you mean well, but you're only giving tips on what to avoid so they can draw even more people in next time. sad

everlong Tue 17-Dec-13 21:15:32

I didn't report it either LBE although I knew it was a troll.
I just had knew somehow it would come out.

perplexedpirate Tue 17-Dec-13 21:22:39

That was a troll thread?!
Fuck. That is so sick. sad

5HundredUsernamesLater Tue 17-Dec-13 21:29:45

I guess I'm to trusting cos it never crossed my mind it wasn't true and was thinking about that poor( imaginary) family all last night. I am so pleased to hear it wasn't true but feel a bit stupid for believing it. Struggling to believe someone could be that sick.

ProphetOfDoom Tue 17-Dec-13 21:32:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Worriedthistimearound Tue 17-Dec-13 21:33:00

Thing is, it's the type of board that may well have lots of new posters who have joined specifically to find someone to talk to over the death of their child.
I remember many years ago on here, probably 7 or 8, when a young, bereaved mum posted about the death of her toddler from pneumococcal meningitis. She was understandably upset and bitter about the fact that a simple vaccine was available yet not routinely given in the UK. It has since been introduced (prevanar). Anyway, she was hounded, called an evil troll and a vaccine pusher. She was accused of working in pharmaceutical sales and all sorts. Yet her post was sincere and genuine. I felt so sorry for her. It was awful. I hope she still posts and found comfort.

Trolling on a bereavement site must surely indicate a mental health problem?

Teladi Tue 17-Dec-13 21:35:25

I was also taken in and was lying in bed last night thinking about that poor woman and her baby boy. I must be terribly naive. Just wanted to say thanks to MNHQ for the site feature that keeps the thread listed in Threads I'm On but with the deletion message. That was the first time I had posted on a thread that had subsequently and I would have been confused if it had just disappeared (and probably started a thread about a thread).

everlong Tue 17-Dec-13 21:36:53

But worried what about the real mothers who have lost a child?
They matter more than the troll and whatever issues he/she has.

Worriedthistimearound Tue 17-Dec-13 21:41:32

Of course they do! But the poster I was remembering was genuine. I see to remember her name was, amyjade and she was pregnant with her second child at the time.

I don't have an answer. Of course bereaved mums deserve not to be fooled into investing their emotional energy but I was just saying that I don't think being a new, first time poster automatically means troll as some mums may have googled and found the site and I've always remembered that poor woman and how she must have felt.

CantaSlaus Tue 17-Dec-13 21:43:24

Fuck me there are some sick bastards about. That thread really struck a chord with me as my dd fell of the sofa yesterday at my PIL(she found it hilarious), then I came home and saw that. sad

everlong Tue 17-Dec-13 21:45:01

I hear what you're saying but I would imagine it's extremely rare for a mother to have lost her child one day then the next day join a parenting site to start a thread about it.

It doesn't work like that.

TheGhostOfPortoPast Tue 17-Dec-13 21:48:51

IMHO MNHQ would never delete such a thread unless they had total evidence.

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